Autism and Your Future

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Why are so many WP users intent on having children when their children will probably grow up to be as poor, misunderstood, and generally discriminated against as their eventual parents (you, the people with ASD who want to have one or more children) are?

I don't expect more than a few responses to this question, seeing how asocial people have little use for a social forum. I just had to ask!

Because they want to be parents.

There is nothing wrong with that.

I don't want kids and I remember there being long topics here of people saying they don't want kids but some people do. It's a normal and natural instinct for a creature to want to breed and create more of it's species. It's ok to not want it too.

I think this kind of question puts way too much responsibility on autistic parents. The truth is that anyone can have a child with some form of disability, either present from birth or present later (acquired or inherited). This is a possibility that any parent should be aware of.

Honestly?? I had three of them when I was still naive, before I realized that Asperger's meant I was, am, and always will be less than human. I had three of them while I was still happy and smiling and full of the love of life (which I was up 'til about 32).

I had the last one because I'd wanted my tubes tied after the third one. I was honest about my ambivalence, so DH was like, "No, don't do it, I don't want to listen to you regret it later."

So, 19 months later, despite religious condom use, I got pregnant again. We lost that one at 12 1/2 weeks.

So nine months later, despite religious condom use and Plan B, I got pregnant again. What was I supposed to do?? Kill her?? Personally I think I would have put her up for adoption, but that wouldn't help the genetic issue. DH's family is very much against adoption. And besides that, I love her.

Actually, I agree with you-- now. Aspies can be perfectly good parents-- I am a pretty good parent-- but it doesn't matter. The social stigma, at this point, is such that NO person on the spectrum should consider it safe to bring children into the world (regardless of whether they inherit it or not).

I love my kids. They are good and lovely and wonderful human beings. Some of them might very realistically do something great one day.

It's just that I live every day of my life in abject terror, thanks to societal judgments. And I can't change society.

This is part of the reason I've never wanted children - for the very reason that I'd never be able to socialise them to the necessary extent. Also because I have little to no maternal feelings towards children. I never saw having children as my right and think it's wrong for anyone to think like this. Judging by the amount of child abuse and child deaths that occur I'd say that far too many people have children because it's expected of them when in reality they don't even like them - this is the result of blind conformity to societal norms. While I never wanted children, I have a lot of concern for children as they are vulnerable and I just hate the way many parents see them as some kind of possession to treat as they please - this sickens me.

Maybe because I dont think myself to be able to look into the future? As for poor: I earn enough for living, my partner earns enough for living, if it keeps the way it is it will be sufficient and if the big financial crash comes, then nobody will know what will happen, but at least I know that I have my own ground with garden to grow crops that noone can take from me, because having autism doesnt mean that you cant spend your time useful.


About misunderstood and discriminated: Its not my fault when other people are not able to educate their children propper. I am definitely not forcing anyone to educate his child to misbehave in this way, so why do you think that I should feel myself responsible about it. Your argument is like "Lesbians shouldnt be allowed to have children, because they should be punished therefor that other parents will be too dumb to educate their kids in the right way, and so there is a risc that these uneducated brats of that dumb parents will discriminate the kids of lesbians without cause." So according to you, other people should be punished for the wrongdoing of someone else? If you were black and lived in an racistic area, should you be forbidden to have children, because your black children will have to face the racism of the kids that were raised by racistic dumbasses? Aka "Because I want to raise my child as an as*hole I think other people shouldnt be allowed to have children, so they dont suffer because of my as*hole children?" O_o I think no, simply because why should you accept a punishment for the misdoing of another person? If people dont want to educate their kids, I cant change it. So your argument is, that there will be kids whose parents will be to dumb to have educated them propper. Ok, and why do you want me to feel responsible for it? Dont you think you should talk instead to those idiot parents? If they are too dumb to raise kids, then THEY are the ones you should question yourself if they should be allowed to have children.

Whats next? Shall I explain to you and excuse myself, why I wont accept to be forbidden to buy chocolate, because of you thinking that I need to be punished that other people steal chocolate in the supermarket?

I wasn't diagnosed until long after I had children and they were half grown. I also didn't want kids to begin with - I was the only girl in my little group of girlfriends who didn't want kids, the rest wanted them very badly and ended up not have any. I had four and would have had more except my husband had a vasectomy. We just couldn't afford more!

My kids are all very popular too. All NT, but I have one who I think may have mild AS although his social skills are very good. He has ADHD as did my oldest boy, who grew out of it.

So, where did you get the idea that our kids would all be outcasts?

There are a lot of people, not just autistic, that should not be having children for many different reasons.

And there is hope for me

I do worry that if I had a kid biologically they might be worse off than myself, seeing as mental problems obviously run in my family (very few have ever seen a therapist, etc. though). One of my cousins is a very low functioning autistic, so it is a valid concern. We've also considered adoption, if we could afford it, but I would like to wait to be financially stable either way. I think I would like to be a parent, but I worry about being a good one.

At an objective level, the answer is that reproduction is a biological imperative. Most organisms don't get to choose not to have the drive to reproduce, and people (even people with ASD) are no exception to this rule.That really should be all the answer that this question needs.

At a subjective level, the question is complicated. ASD is a spectrum, so people with it have a range of disability and personal characteristics which result in varying experiences of social interaction. Given the large number of genes implicated in ASDs and the evidence supporting a strong role for epigenetic factors in the expression of those genes as ASDs, no one can currently predict how their genes are likely to play out in their offspring.

For parents or prospective parents with ASD, the question you are asking sounds very like "would you rather not have been born?"

There were times in my childhood when I was so unhappy that I wished I had never been born. I am now happy that I exist. I am glad my parents reproduced.

I love my children and I am glad they exist. They have a full range of emotions and are often very happy. They are both afraid of death, and neither has ever suggested that they would rather not be here. I expect that they will both be able to live independently when they are adults. My son has an ASD diagnosis, my daughter does not, though she has and IEP and needs some accommodation in school for issues that may be ASD or BAP related. I don't know how impacted they will be these traits in the long run. They are getting much more help, and much more focused help, than I ever had as a child. So far, there is no reason to expect extreme difficulties in life for either of them, though my son will certainly need to consider his neurological differences at many points in his life.

Are these aspects of their genetic heritage so terrible that they would have been better off not being born? No.

Consider the historical people with traits associated with ASD whose lives have been of huge benefit to our whole species. What a tragedy it would be if those people had never been born because their parents were afraid of passing on odd traits.

Because of Aspies like me, whose children have grown up to be responsible and productive members of society; with college degrees, five-figure incomes, and upwardly-mobile careers.

If I had met someone wonderful when I was young, I might have had kids because they would have entered a loving family who appreciated their differences and supported their strengths.

I think that if a kid has AS and they have AS parents, there is much more understanding and common ground all around than if the kid had NT parents. Since they may have the same differences their parents have, their parents may understand them more and be more supportive of their issues. That, to me, is the most valuable asset a kid with AS can have...parents who truly accept them and get them.

There is nothing wrong with someone with AS having kids with AS. Period. It just makes the world a more neurodiverse place.

Whoa, looks like I'm an exception: I don't believe I will ever have children (even though I'm still a teenager). But who really knows?


In my case the most limiting factor will probably be finding someone who I really love and who loves me back. I have only once felt something resembling love, but I never even told about it to her. She was reasonably beautiful, and she was also emotionally what I was looking for: somewhat more social than me, happy, intelligent, able to deal with everybody and, most importantly, she had her own mind but you could still make compromises with her. The last one is especially important to me because I feel bad about dominating (if the other party doesn't want it) but I hate being dominated even more. Sadly, I'm very sure she didn't love me. I don't know if she knew what I felt towards her, but she probably had no idea as I didn't stare at her or anything. At least she didn't feel it too unpleasant.

Almost as limiting factors are my genetics and the society. I have never sent my DNA to a lab to be analyzed for hereditary diseases, but I probably carry one from my maternal side. Traditionally men have only been carriers as it has activated only in some of the women. It's not sudden or severely debilitating (at least not until your 50s or 60s), but it does affect your daily life, your occupational possibilities and it's not curable (although the progress can be greatly slowered).

Then on the paternal side there is the whole AS/autism-issue. Although many people have done better in their life than most NTs (my aunts and uncles and my father all have university degrees and families), I think that the risk of having autistic kids is too significant. I have evidence about the risk existing as two of my cousins have classic autism. I would say they are higher functioning than most in their group, but they are not on the borderline between classic autism and Asperger's.

The society is cruel! I have heard how sick this world can be to NTs, and according to my own experience it's often even worse to people on the spectrum. I don't want a single kid to go through all the bullying I have experienced. And I never even had broken bones or teeth or other more or less permanent physical injuries that some unlucky ones have had. (That probably contributed to the fact that it went on completely unnoticed for two years.) No, six years of provoking me aggressive and verbal abuse for the first three years have made enough permanent damage to me.


Any reasons for me to have children? I would probably understand my own children better than I was ever understood. I also believe that I would pay attention more closely because I know from the experience that it doesn't always show up at home if there are problems at school. Your child may be pretty happy at home (and why wouldn't he/she? He's not getting bullied at home!) no matter what's happening at school.