Apparently we have our own concept on what fake is

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I was out on the patio talking to my mother while my son was playing in his new fort my husband and my dad and uncle built for him and it's still has yet to be finished. We were talking about my old neighborhood I grew up in up till 12 years of age before we moved. Mom was talking about these neighbors we had when we lived there and I sure learned something new about the parents. Mom told me she didn't like the guy that lived there and she thought he was mean and verbally abusive to his wife just by what he'd say about women and what he thought of them. She said she didn't like either of them but she still talked to the woman that lived there and I said to her I guess I did her and them a favor unintentionally, asking her right in front of her why she was talking to her and I thought she didn't like her. That family never spoke to my mother again and I said in the conversation today it was as if I was saying "stop pretending you are friends" and mom told me she wasn't pretending, she was just being a good neighbor by chatting with her and you can still chat with someone and not be their friend. She also told me you can still talk to someone even if you don't like them because it's part of being a good neighbor. To me it all seemed fake because if you don't like someone, why pretend so? But to her it's not fake. So I had learned NTs have their own concept on what fakeness is. We think it's fake when someone doesn't like us but act like they do by chatting with us and to them it's not fake.

It must be a social thing, part of the social rules.

You know why I like rednecks? They don't have the capacity, generally speaking, of coloring their words with fancy schmancy dictum. They tell you how it is in plain English. If they don't like you they'll let you know. Ditto if they like you. It's refreshing not to have to decipher what somebody means and whether or not it smacks of the truth. Political correctness and nice for the sake of being neighborly? Ugh. Who invented that?!

Totally fake. I noticed this first when I was about 22 (in 2008) and my boyfriend at the time was feigning interest when his friend was talking about her new high heels. I just thought 'you don't actually care' Sadly I have learned to feign interest. people think you're rude and can even get verbally abusive.

Sometimes I just let people know that I don't have any interest in what they're talking about. I even blurt out when I'm painfully bored.

When it comes to people I don't like I don't talk to them or even look at them, and if pushed I'll make it quite clear how much I hate them. I always tell people 'I don't get along with everyone.'

I sometimes say/do things to be polite but sometimes I don't even want to do that. It depends what's going on in my head.

Lately, I've been thinking because of my sister and her boyfriend's verbal fights, that they should just split up. Then one night there was a terrible fight and I thought it was over for good, but he was around the next day. He told me 'I'm a f***king idiot for coming back, aren't I?' I wondered but why is he back? Then it hit me. Oh the sex.

What's funny is when I do things like clean other peoples dishes, give people money, or bring in their washing, it looks polite but I'm really getting it out of the way. But I guess I'm so generous I can't help it.

For me it depends who the person is. For example, I know someone who is passionately in love with horses. She knows that I don't really care for them, since I have said it in the politest possible way, but she'll still talk of them, and it creates a one-sided conversation. But I don't mind, really. It's only for half an hour on the way home, and I can do strange things and she won't mind. She'll talk about horses while my hand is a fish or I'm an aeroplane, and I don't get looked at strangely, because I'm not alone. And I don't fake anything because she knows where I stand on horses. I still feel something fake about it, though. But everyone else I'm very blunt with and I see no idea why that upsets people.

If they ask for your opinion, and you give it, why do they get upset? One of the things about NTs I've never understood. "Oh.. thanks, (iliketrees). Thanks a lot" is apparently sarcasm, too, and I should not respond with "You're welcome" or "No problem" as they get even madder at me, thinking I'm doing it on purpose.

But it seems fake to me. If I hate someone for whatever reason, I don't speak to them, look at them even less than I usually would, and try to get away whenever I see them. Your parents talking to someone and not wanting to be friends does seem fake somehow.. not sure why.

For example, someone is mad at me for going on and on about the same thing (lol hypocrite), proving her wrong all the time (I like correcting things.. it's her fault for being wrong ), and in older to get back at me, she's trying to steal my new "friend" I guess (horse lover), even though all she does is insult her on the way home, tell her to shut up, and is genuinely a mean person. Now that one is fake. And disgusting.

Fake, phoney, false, all these words when applied to human beings unskillful ways of communicating, be they NT or AS are very unhelpful.

I feel if we could all see that communucation for all of us is at times so challenging and show compassion, to ourselves and to others, we would be more able to cross the devide that seperates not only the autistic world from the non autistic world, but to make the world more joyful for everyone.

We can all be insincere. We all have our masks and we all suffer from suffocation from wearing them.

When a person can realize that no group and no culture has a monopoly on being imperfect, then and only then can we create a bridge over the abyss that seperates us from our true humanity.

I wished I was better at being fake. I can do it for a short time. Hours, or even days. But once I am daily in contact with someone, they find out what I really think.

And sarcasm... I always thought I m good at that. Fact is, I m sarcastic a lot of the times, but I never see it when others are. It s very hard for me to spot if they are sarcastic or not.

And people that know me really well know that in 50% of the cases when I sound sarcastic, I really mean what I say. But when I say it hidden as a sarcastic joke, I can say my opinion and nobody can attack me for it. So far, only my wife has found that out.

I've irreversibly alienated several potential women friends because I can't help being up-front about the fact that I can't STAND rummage sales.

There are people I don't like who I talk to because I am around them a lot and can't avoid them. I have realised they are unreliable and sometimes dishonest. I try not to spend time in their company if I can get away.
But I will be polite because it's easier to deal with someone who thinks I like them than someone who knows I don't. They are less polite, less helpful and more likely to say nasty things or actively do things that might harm me if I make it obvious I don't like them.

I don't expect much from them because I know already they don't respect me or value me as a person.
I don't try to impress them or act like I want to be friends and do stuff together. I am being true to myself because I am looking after my own interests.
To me, being polite and listening to them talk about themselves is something that benefits me in the end. I don't enjoy it much but it makes life smoother.

There is a person who ignores me most of the time. He only takes the time to chat with me when he wants something. So I politely listen to him being "friendly" and wait a couple of days for the request to come in. Then I make my choice. Do I support him or not? It depends on whether I think it's a good idea or not. If I want to help him I will and if I don't I won't. I don't try to win his favour. I don't give in to please him. I don't try to thwart him or oppose him it I don't care one way or the other.

I suspect when I agree with him he thinks he has fooled me into thinking he's my friend. And when I disagree with him he thinks I am a nasty person. This is the impression I get from his behaviour afterwards. I have tried to work out why he behaves the same way every time.
I'm not sure, but I think the mistake he is making is that I need his approval and so will help him to win that approval. I also concluded he thinks I'm too stupid to notice what he is doing.

Just because you don't like someone doesn't mean you can't be friendly to them out of a sense of politeness.