I thought I didn't need a diagnosis or treatment - WRONG!

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I first suspected I might be on the autism spectrum a few years ago, because of a test I took on a mobile app. I ignored the results, and continued on with my life. Several months later, I was having a hard time in life. Naturally, I took to the Internet. Long story short - Over the next few months I went from suspecting I 'might have something related to something called autism' to 'Holy-shit, these people I'm reading about are like me!' all the way to strongly suspected. At this point in my life, there is no doubt that my self diagnoses was correct.

Sometime thereafter, I left my job and Church's Chicken and moved back to my parents in our home town. I reached the decision that I didn't need a diagnosis, in large part to horror stories I read here. Getting a diagnosis in America is frustrating, difficult, scary, overstimulating, involves countless referrals, etc, and I didn't have insurance.

I presumed that I was high-functioning enough to get by on my own, without any help. I managed my anxiety well enough with cannabis, I didn't need any friends besides my one good buddy. I never really acknowledged my apathy and episodes of extreme depression as what they were.

Fast foward, 2-3 years later. I'm a goddam mess. I've got a good job and I've been here nearly two years, working in a records department at a hospital. It's applicable experience to the career I want.

Unfortunately, my co-workers are mysterious. My boss is even more of an enigma. I'm constantly bathed in flourescent lighting. My co-workers constantly interrupt me. phone calls interrupt me. There are twice monthly socials, wherein the entire hospital staff is crammed into a tiny room for noise and food. I have no real friends, besides one possibly fellow aspie, who has a wife and kids and life and crazy work hours and so we don't really interact any more. My depression and insomnia are affecting my work performance. I constantly fear for my job, even though I've got no reason to suspect my performance isn't up to expecations or not. (It isn't, but I odn't know if they know that. )

Anyway, I don't know how relevant all that is, but here's the meat:

I've met with a psychologist to treat depression as referred by my doctor. The first thing I told her was that I don't want to take drugs unless it's a last resort. The second thing I told her was that I know I'm on the autism spectrum and have known for years, despite lacking a specific diagnosis.

Within five minutes, I get the line I've seen here a hundred times: "You're not autistic, you're too responsive."
She hadn't asked me about sensory issues, prospragnosia, social anxiety, social problems. She didn't inquire about my executive function.

She hadn't asked me any questions at all yet.
Then, she prescribed me drugs.
Lexa something taken with something quil.

I don't think I'm going to take the drugs, because she says they interact with cannabis, and cause certain side effects I can't deal with right now. After I left the doctors office, some other things went very very wrong.

I didn't want to take drugs, anyway. I certainly don't want to take a drug that prevents me from taking the only other drug that I know that provides me with any benefits at all, at least not during a crisis. If I have time to mentally prepare, and then see how things affect me, that's different. I'm not taking those drugs today.

She wants me back Friday. I don't know what to do. Who do I talk to? My doctor? Her?

I really need help right now. I don't know what to do. And now I'm alone all week until the doctors appointment and I know I'm rambling but it helps. Sorry for such a long post. I appreciate any responses.

Regarding the things that went wrong: Another family member is having a crisis with alcohol and drinking and stuff and depression and suicidal thoughts. My family have to go tend to him and I can't go and I want to go and I have to stay home and go to work and be on time and not cry at work. I can't handle the sudden changes that would be leaving one mild drug that I rely heavily upon and switching to two unproven drugs that sound strong and scary.

I also wasn't clear on my biggest goal:

I need to find a person doctor physician or whatever that can work with me on my autism and help me figure out what I need to do. If drugs are necessary, I will take them. I don't like drugs though.

I don't know how to find docotrs.

As regular sustained use of marijuana can result in increased levels of anxiety & depression, create paranoia, and decrease other cognitive abilities, I think you might want to be real honest w/yourself about the possibility of addiction.

Did you tell the psychologist you regularly 'manage' your anxiety w/pot?

You can google how to find a doctor, but to really address all that is going on w/you now, you're going to have to be very honest about the pot usage. Some of what you are now experiencing may be side-effects from using non-standardized medications (that's what marijuana is; you like drugs just fine).

Good luck.

If I seem frustrated in my response, understand that it's because after reading my post, admittedly poorly articulated so I can forgive misunderstandings, you completely glossed over my problems and instead zeroed in on the cannabis use. That is a little frustrating, but I'm sure you're just trying to help so I'm gonna do my best to not be frustrated -at- you.

Yes, I mentioned the cannabis use to my therapist. She mentioned it only in passing at the end of our meeting: 'You need to stop using cannabis when you start taking your medications.'

My issues are not the results of an addiction. I don't smoke for long stretches at a time. The occasional recreational use aside, (And I do use it recreationally. Cannabis, and especially cannabis paraphernalia are one of my SIs.) I only smoke to avert an anxiety attack or a meltdown. I only smoke consistently when I'm having significant trouble sleeping. Cannabis is not addicting. Most sleep-aids and anti-depressants are. The largest reason I don't want to take other drugs, besides the more obvious fear of ingesting unknown psychoactive drugs I have no idea how will affect me, is precisely that I can stop using cannabis whenever I don't want it. If I have to start a drug-regimen, that means I have to depend upon a daily dose to maintain my state of mind. Missing doses, and especially quitting suddenly will cause distress, depression, and anxiety more than before the drug regimen had begun. People often have suicidal thoughts.

I'm not okay with something affecting my mind that profoundly, unless it's simply the only option we have left. This therapist went to that option FIRST. This therapist doesn't even acknowledge my condition; therefore how can she treat me effectively? How am I supposed to find a doctor that can help me? These are the issues I'm asking for help with, so I can get professional help with functioning in the profoundly un-aspie friendly environments I have to live and work in.

The reason I can't start taking the drugs immediately is because, as I said earlier, the side effects I was told it causes during the beginning will prevent me from being able to adequately manage the crisis that is happening within my family, and prevent me from going to the follow up appointment, as she told me not to drive during the first two weeks of taking it.

If I have a dependency on cannabis, which I know that I do not, but if I did; that can be addressed after I'm in the care of the right doctor, anyway.

I agree that you should find a doctor who is experienced in working with adult autistics. You may (or may not) be correct in your belief that you are on the spectrum, but an ASD expert is the best person to confirm/disprove this. I cannot give any specific suggestions on how to find such a person in your area, partly because I don't know what area that is. A good place to start would be link> http://www.autism-society.org/ <link

Being autistic, however, doesn't rule out depression. Your current therapist is likely correct about that. I'm a bit surprised that she would prescribe something which is contra-indicated for a pot smoker, for a pot smoker, but perhaps this particular combination has been highly effective for her patients. I would suggest that you stop toking up and take the meds - and I am not anti-pot!

edited to add:

It appears you posted as I was composing my reply.

Your initial post wasn't clear (to me) that the side effects you said can't deal with right now are due to taking the meds on their own, rather than what would happen with the interaction between the meds and the pot. I can understand why you would delay starting the meds at this time.

Still doesn't mean you don't have depression, or that a non-ASD specialist can't help you with it while you're trying to find the an ASD specialist.

I agree, your initial therapist is completely inadequate for you & what you're dealing with. And yes, you need to find a good GP & now I do understand your caution about starting other drugs. Thank you for clarifying that.

However, pot is addictive, just not as addictive as many things (like the 'net), & it does have some of the side effects that you describe (do the research; it's easy enough to find). You do, of course, realize that every addict, whether alcohol or street drugs, says they can quit anytime, so that IS something best evaluated by a GOOD doctor. Not the assembly-line cranker you first got.

I, also, am not anti-pot. But I also recognize that is has a downside, just like alcohol & tobacco. I don't usually give people a hard time for smoking, but when they start wheezing & experiencing repeated pulmonary complications, it does figure into a health equation.

@DonkeyBuster Okay - cannabis isn't physically addicting. A dependency can be formed around anything, though. You'll note that I didn't say I'm without addictions; I have plenty. Coffee, cigarettes, and I'm not sure about this one, but maybe food. It's easy for me not to buy junk food (Usually. When I'm in a particular kind of funk, I do seek out comfort food.) but if I have it I'll eat until I'm sick. My addiction to cigarettes is profound. I once went two months without a cigarette. There were only minor casualties.

It isn't that I can quit anytime, finances force me to quit all the time. At any rate, I'm 98% sure I've no addiction to cannabis. I have no plans to be anything but candid with a doctor, so should I be wrong, and I'm never *cough* wrong, it'll come to light.

@another_1 My OP may not have been very clear at all, I was in the midst of an emotive moment when I made it. I didn't mean to imply that I was ruling out depression. There is definitely depression. There is also little doubt that I am on the spectrum. I am however unsure if there is 'clinical depression just because' or if I'm essentially just incredibly sad and apathetic because I don't like my environment. That sounds casual, but I'm profoundly uncomfortable both at my job and living with my family. If I could improve how I deal with those things, it's likely I could deal with either scenario without the use of medication. I'm not good with emotions. I don't understand them. I don't necessarily understand which ones I'm having at a given moment.

It's entirely possible that she didn't prescribe me something contra-indicated. I live in a highly conservative area, and I did notice a number of religious motivational bits posted here and there. The fact that she added it like an after thought suggests that either the danger is non-existant or minimal and she said it because that's the thing you're supposed to say, OR I need to double check any and every combination of drugs she gives me before taking them. However, I certainly don't intend to test this assumption by trial and error. I've not been in a presence of mind to do the research. I keep forgetting my scripts in the car, and I forget the names of the meds to boot.

I'll look at the link, but I'm still not sure how getting a Doctor is supposed to work. I thought you had to be referred to a specific doctor by your existing doctor. Can you call about shopping for Doctor's the same way you would a plumber? I'll check into that link.

Ah, you mean the insurance wrangle? I'd suggest trying to find a doctor you want to go to thru the research & questioning line, then ask them how to become their patient...most offices have way more experience working w/insurance requirements & may even know who to talk to if they're available on your plan. If you're not looking for an autist specialist, but just a GP who is well versed in autism & incorporates its symptoms into whatever else you're working with, that may be easier.

Whether it's episodic or chronic depression, a lot of folks experience a good deal of relief with the meds, especially if they are working to develop better adapted coping skills concurrently. If you can pull it together & take the scripts into a congenial pharmacy, they may be able to tell you if there's any contra-indications w/recreational MJ use. But I think I'd just do the research online, especially if you're in a conservative area that regards pot as the Devil's weed.

I've taken strong mind affecting drugs that where prescribed to me when I was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome. I found them horrible, I had a really bad week or two on my Sertaline/Zoloft whichever you want to call it. I was also homeless at this time which didn't help anything, the people nice enough to take me in thought I was being lazy or something when things would be happening to me such as falling asleep out of f*****g nowhere while I talk, not being able to stop laughing so much that it hurt and I started crying, not being able to stop crying, etc.

I am seriously against any mind affecting drugs that someone would give you. But If you're like me and have anxiety, anti-anxiety medication is a god send.. I have some problems, but not having any anxiety in my day to day life.. I can f****n deal with all the other s**t just fine. The Anxiety was the worst.. You're used to smoking your weed, I get that. My sister does it all day, everyday, before she goes to bed, when she wakes up, when she talks on the f****n phone.. That's nice and all, yay weed, pride parade for tokers! But you went seeking for help, got medication, and now you're not going to take it because you're afraid of a little weird week? Just take 2 f*****g weeks off work, take your s**t like you're supposed to, toss your f*****g weed in the garbage because you have a substitute now, and live your f*****g life..

You know what you have to do and you're only making excuses to us. Also, A friend of mine got inspired by my diagnosis to go get diagnosed herself. Claimed that she was just like me her whole life, social awkwardness, poor self health, delays in learning, etc. etc. She was SO positive that this was her answer! She went to get analyzed and turns out she just has low self esteem and depression. She got some therapy and medication and now she's off bar hopping and having sex with plenty of men! Hurrah! Neurotypical again!

@Tsproggy

"But you went seeking for help, got medication, and now you're not going to take it because you're afraid of a little weird week? Just take 2 f***ing weeks off work, take your sh** like you're supposed to, toss your f***ing weed in the garbage because you have a substitute now, and live your f***ing life.." Please read my replies to the others. If you already did that, then you've missed my point. If I need to reiterate it better, I will. The gist isn't that I'm worried about the interaction between cannabis and the drugs. I'm worried about the drugs themselves, cannabis or not, at least during this current crisis. I also wanted drugs to be the LAST RESORT, not start the show with them.

-I cannot drive on these drugs and my family has gone due to the crisis
-I cannot manage my end of the crisis if I'm in a dazed stupor and incredibly drousy, as Dr. XXXX said I would be on these drugs.


I'm asking for help on how to tell my physician what I need to tell her or how to find a better physician. I'm not making excuses about anything. Please, don't be mean.

You missed the point of my post entirely. I'm not asking for help because I'm afraid of the drugs interacting - I know how to use Google. I'm asking for help because I don't know my way around the medical system. I don't know if I'm supposed to work with this doctor or find another. I don't know how to find another. I don't know how to tell them what's wrong.

If it comes down to drugs, I'm okay with that. IF IT COMES TO IT. I'm not starting my treatment that way.

@DonkeyBuster That's what I'll do then. Thanks. I'm going to go away for a while now. Too many words are happening. If you can point me to any resources about finding doctors, I'd appreciate that too.


FWIW, I'm in Texas if I didn't say that before.

If a fast-food joint refused to sell you their hamburger and kept sticking a taco in the bag, what would you do?
If an auto mechanic changed your transmission rather than fixing your brakes, what would you do?
If your girlfriend said "I Do" to someone else, what would you do?

no, nevermind that last one, I'd prolly just cry for a while.

My point is that people are people (newsflash! right?) and that doctors are people.
AND that some people suck. therefore doctors can suck too.

A doctor that doesn't listen to you, doesn't treat you. he treats something/someone else...
you might as well go find some wild pigs to make a Rx for you.

I can't answer on how to actually get/find/acquire another doctor, I've been struggling w/that enterprise for 2 years.

...but it's easy, just ask any NT they'll tell ya it's easy.



edited to add:
I think the (licit/illicit) drug conversation was a slight derail from the original question which I imagine was:
Is it normal/ok to be rubberstamped/ignored if the person I am paying (or my insurance for me) has a big fat degree?

my answer is:
if it's not OK otherwise, then that alone shouldn't make any difference.

Good luck! Having a GP on your side can make such a huge difference.

Now, go eat whole grains & fruits & stop polluting your body w/the Debil's candy ...just kidding. You do what you need to do to survive, 'til you don't need to do it anymore. Take care...

Let us know how it goes. I personally have little faith in doctors, and remain content to self medicate like an SOB. There seems to be too little knowledge, and too many pills.

That's right, you just keep on blowing your brains with dope and tell yourself it's autism.

Edit:
Seriously though, even casual use can worsen paranoia and anxiety (even if you feel less anxious while high) in the long run, you'd do well to try and wean yourself off it & also let your shrink do their job, rather than walking in there demanding a specific diagnosis.

Also, this wasn't about weed being illegal btw - I'd be writing a similar thing if you'd said you drink before social engagements to relax yourself, but were feeling depressed overall.