Do social faux pas haunt you sometimes?

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Sorry, I don't know how to pronounce ''social faux pas'' since it sounds foreign and I have only learned what it means on WP, so if there's a plural missing or it doesn't make sense in a sentence, then please excuse me.

Sometimes I feel I have done something stupid, and then it haunts me after, and I then feel embarrassed or daft. It's a bit like if a person saw something like a mummified body in a lonely place and it scares them so much that they are unsure how to feel about it and keep having a funny feeling in their stomach when they remind themselves of the dreadful experience. This is how I feel when making a social faux pas.

Some social faux pas, in my eyes, may not sound much to other Aspies or NTs. Like once I really wanted to be someone's friend, and I could tell she didn't really want me hanging around her although she wasn't rude or anything, and after I went I thought to myself ''I should have just politely said goodbye and gone, instead of staying with her as though I was hanging on to her. How stupid of me.'' And it kept haunting me from then onwards. Even today I've got to stop reminding myself of it otherwise I will start beating myself up inside again.

And just as I think I have learnt from mistakes or have improved socially, I go and do something socially idiotic again, then beat myself up about it again. I think the best way to ease this feeling is to just admit that I do stupid things sometimes, make an ass of myself, and what's done is done and that I should be careful next time. At least the good feeling sometimes is almost doing something then realising it will be a stupid thing to do before it's too late, then feeling proud of myself that my instinct saved me from humiliating myself.

Does anyone else let your social deficits frighten you and let certain social faux pas haunt you? How do you deal with it?

I know exactly how you feel and there's no easy way to deal w/that weird haunting! I still cringe s'times at certain memories- like falling over when dancing at a disco when I was 17!! LOL!
Anyway I find it's best just to think of the event for a few mins, have a giggle and then put it out of my mind, move on to whatever's next- work, garden, phoning s'one, lists, etc. You could even use a timer- time yourself for 2 mins and when the bell goes off, move on - think about s'thing else and do s'thing.
I remember a psychiatrist I read once talked about unpleasant events in our past and said if you get a lovely dessert, enjoy it and then notice there was a fly in the bottom of the dish, you would just think oh no that's awful, feel a little sick and throw it away in disgust. You wouldn't put it in the fridge and keep taking it out to look at and make yourself feel bad all over again! You'd throw it away maybe remember it as a horrible experience, not buy that brand again and move on.
Anyway all the best.

Oh, yes. I remember with horror so many things I have done wrongly. I know there is no point in dwelling on it but I just do.

I only found out I had Aspergers two years ago and I keep having these little flashbacks of social interactions gone wrong over the years. A bunch of "Ah ha" moments in light of knowing now what I didn't know about myself back then but it can be overwhelming. I may remember something from 20 years ago and get bummed out about it but, hey, I need to cut myself a break and move on. I keep reminding myself of something I read once; we are our own best friend, treat yourself like it.

The older I get the easier it is to brush it off or think nothing of it, at least most of the time. As long as my goofs don't outweigh the positives, it's all gravy. Sometimes it does, though, such as when I make a bad impression on a new person. I generally don't care if someone I just met likes me or not; I mainly worry about them badmouthing me to others and causing my social standing to slip, although I don't think that's as big of a deal when you're in your mid 30s as it is when you're in high school or whatever.

Although stupid stuff I did while drunk still haunts me. I started drinkin' late in life (25) and my learning curve was steep. I suppose that my AS compounded things; when sober it takes conscious effort not to say and do awkward, off-putting things. When drunk enough, all bets are off.

Yeah, and over the years one ends up collecting quite a number of this sort of embarrassing incidents. It's best not to dwell on them, once I remember one, a whole chain of related unpleasant memories come to the surface.
What happened in the past cannot be changed anymore anyway.

I get flashbacks everyday and I hate it. I wish there was a way, to put all that stuff in a box and lock it away forever. It also, makes me bitter as well. Everyone on my ass about every little thing, I was never able to really feel truly "" Care free" . Instead of explaining to me, I just got yelled at.

For me, the haunting is mostly about the results of the mistake, if any. It is odd, but not uncommon, for people to be much more forgiving of others than themselves. Mistakes are inevitable; they are part of life and learning.
My best friend took me out on the spur of the moment for an afternoon in his electric canoe. He hadn't been careful about the battery, though, and it died. We had to paddle home, and just before docking, he raised the useless trolling motor for clearance, and the boat shot ahead. We had been fighting a lot of drag all the way. Recently, he told me that it was even worse - he had been having to reach past the motor to paddle. I'm glad that he felt comfy enough to share that.

Only in outcomes that affects others in a crossfire.
Especially involving those I care about.


I could care less if it affects me and me alone -- in fact I would've preferred that.

Otherwise... The only reason I 'can' deal with it is simply because I inherently do not care.


At worst, it'll only frustrate me into guilt and doubt due to lack of control over my action vs intent -- the rest of the whole point about social faux pas never truly mattered.
Yet it doesn't lasts so far.


The only worry I have is what others may think towards someone else close to me and it was because of me.

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They come back to haunt me very often.

Yes, sometimes. Things I did or said even 15-20 years ago sometimes replay. I overthink, worry, try to deduce reasons for things long in the past, even if I no longer have any relationship with that person. Sometimes it seems more like "especially if I no longer have a relationship," like my mind is purposely choosing things that can't be changed in any way to torture me with.
Hmm... That's probably actually what's happening. Depression sucks.
I do try to remember that there's nothing I can do to change it. Sometimes I have imaginary conversations with the person in my head, pretending that I have a chance to apologize or clarify, and sometimes it helps. I feel a bit ridiculous admitting that, but there it is. I suppose I feel a bit ridiculous admitting that some things I said 20(+, dammit, makes me feel really old to be that honest about the timeline) years ago still bother me, even though I know I was a kid who really didn't know any better at the time. I still wish I could apologize to the person who let me stay in his spare room when I first moved out here. He probably wouldn't care, or at least realizes I was just a kid who had just left his parents' house back then. IF he ever even thinks of it. Which he probably doesn't anymore. Doesn't stop my brain, though! lol... I wish I could be proud of this particular instance of dogged perseverance, but...