Why does my aspie mirror me?

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Why does my aspie boyfriend mirror me? He mirrors my body language when we are together and also tends to mirror my words when he writes messages. Example, if I add "kisses" at the end of messages, he will do the same. If I don't, he will usually not do so either. If I put smileys, he will do the same. He will also mirror Why does he do this?

I instinctivly do the same (mirror my girls friend). I have to catch myself and force a different reponce because I know responding with exactly the same simply devalues it.

What she says is how I feel also. By default I wouldn't normaly mention my feelings at the end of a message or conversation. But when those feeling are expressed by the other party, I feel it's expected to respond in kind. The words I feel have already been provided (by her), it is how I feel too, but I know it's not polite to respond with exactly the same wording.

Hope some sence managed to come through

He might mirror you as he feels the same yet has trouble coming up with responses different than yours by himself.
It could be possible he has some Echolalia as well.
Yet it seems that he may not know what to do in relationships, so he mirrors.
Maybe he has trouble opening up his feelings, hence why when you leave out "kisses" he will do the same. Could be defensive mechanisms.
He deals how he knows how

^ What she said.


He gives you back what you seem to be in the mood for at the moment, either because he wants to please you by giving you what you expect, or because he's hesitant that if he gives you something else, you may be disappointed. Po-tayto, po-tahto. When social behaviors don't come naturally and you can't read social cues well in others, it really leaves one at a disadvantage.

In the NT world, behavior like this indicates that a man is usually not very interested. Yet, this aspie always replies to my messages and likes to make me happy. If an aspie doesn't really like a woman, would he simply not reply?

Not a man, but, personally, if I didn't like a person, it's unlikely that I'd talk to them at all, even on chat, let alone "pretend" to like them even more by mirroring affectionate language. I have caught myself "mirroring" like this, and it's almost always an attempt to make sure that the other person knows that I'm just as interested/affectionate feeling as they are.

Thats exactly what i do and if i dislike someone i do not even bother to acknowledge them at all.

Can you tell us why you mirror if you like a person?

By the way, the only thing I say to him that he does not mirror is the "I love you" which I have recently started telling him.

And THAT is how you know that, although he's saying back the same things you are, he's saying them because he means them. If he didn't mean them, he would be mirroring back everything affectionate you said, I would think. The fact that he's picking and choosing what he wants to say back to you, I would take to mean that he's trying to express, "Yes, I feel that way, too!" The things he is leaving out, he may find too intimate, or be unsure of how he is feeling. At least, that is how it would be for me. I may have trouble expressing my feelings, and may latch on to the way another person expresses theirs as a "baseline" for how to act. What I WON'T do is lie and pretend to feel more than I do. His mirroring you isn't lying; it may be the only way he knows how to tell the truth, if that makes sense. What he leaves out and leaves unsaid will be the things that he's unsure of what the truth is. (at least, coming from my perspective.)

I'm fairly certain I already answered that rather concisely.





That brutal Aspie honesty in play. If he doesn't say it, either his feelings are not quite as strong as yours, or he may feel that once that genie is out of the bottle, you'll want more attention and interaction than he's capable of giving you. Keep in mind that social interaction, even with people we like, can be stressful and exhausting and its very difficult to find nice ways to tell someone "I need to be alone for a while, please go find something else to do." Especially since "a while" could be anywhere from overnight to a couple of weeks.

Here's the deal: The part of the Aspie brain that processes incoming sensory stimuli - ambient noise, light, conversations, non-verbal social signals from other people (like body language and facial expressions) - that part of our brains sorts and interprets incoming signals with far less natural agility than a normal brain. Its like trying to cram a huge amount of data through an obsolete processing chip. The funnel is a bit too small to deal with the volume of information constantly coming in. As a result, social interaction for us is a mental juggling act, we often miss some of the details and when we're done, we're psychologically and emotionally very tired.

Trying to interpret someone's emotional expectations in a written document is just as tricky. Our range of emotions is not quite as subtle as most other people's - we understand passion and rage all too well. Everything in between is a bit mysterious. Just as others have a hard time guessing what we're thinking by the expression on our face, we have an equally difficult time deciphering what others expect from us and sometimes, even when we know, we just aren't capable of exhibiting a reaction that satisfies their expectations. If you win the lottery, don't expect an Aspie friend to squeal giddily and jump up and down with you. Its not that we aren't happy for you, we just don't react that way.

You're just dealing with a different species of human being. Hopefully you'll get used to it after a bit, if it doesn't drive you crazy first.

Not a man either but it's enough effort for me to maintain contact with people I like. I wouldn't put much effort into someone I do not like.

I think it's the former. He told me that he really liked me three months ago, but that he can't become too emotionally involved with me right now due to professional reasons (he is my boss). Hopefully, when the professional association ends in a couple of months, things will become clearer.

I mirror people to an extreme degree.

I copy the style of speaking, tone of voice, mood, body language and gestures of whoever I am speaking to.

I also do this when writing text messages/emails, I copy the writing style of who I am talking to.
(I also do the thing with the kisses, I would never put kisses in a message spontaneously, but if someone sent them to me, I would count them and give them the same number back).

I do this unconsciously and automatically. I suspect I have never learnt to assert myself as an individual with my own personality, because my whole life I have been told that my true personality and the way I interact is not ok.

Until I learned of AS, I always tried to "fit in" socially by mimicking the behavior of others in the room. Got me in trouble more than anything else, but it was my preferred means to adapt.

As a male Aspie I can say that I really would not bother to talk to someone I didn't like, it would seem pointless to me.

I too tend to mirror, its because I have no clue what I'm supposed to say in reply, so the safest thing to do is repeat what the other person says. If I don't feel it I won't say it though, I simply won't lie about my feelings and neither would the majority of Aspie males.

It's hard for an NT female to have a relationship with an Aspie male (and I suspect the other way round) because we usually don't like to be cuddled, and need to have our own space to recharge our batteries sometimes. But don't take those things personally and you will find that an Aspie male can be a great partner - he will never lie to you, and when he says he has feelings for you he will mean it.

I have been with my wife for 11 years now, and we are still very close to each other, because we trust each other, and have an understanding about my not liking cuddles too much.

He usually sends xxx (kisses) to family members. I haven't seen him send these to friends yet, but perhaps he does.

How do I get him to communicate with me more often?