Females with ASD...please answer!

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Hey Ladies!
I'm curious to know about a couple of things I hear on common for females on the spectrum. First, I know imitation and appearing to be normal is how many cope with their difficulties. Was this imitation something you were aware you were doing? Was it something you did all the time, and a major process? In what ways did you imitate others? Second, diving into a fantasy world. What was the reason? Was it something you did all the time? What were these world like? How did they help you? Also you you guys have a lot of the same issues as the males with ASD, like trouble with body language, facial expressions, theory of mind, sensory issues, lack of empathy, etc? What if a female was to have a deep fantasy life, and copy others, but have non other stuff...would she be an aspie? What if a female was to take all the online AS and score NT on all of them, would she NT for sure, or could she still be an aspie? In your opinion how likely is that if the answered as honestly as possible, and even leaning towards AS on some answers?

I never imitated anyone and have had an ASD diagnosis since aged three.

Your questions are very confusing? I mean what do want to know about female AS the simple thing is go watch the Bridge. It is on FX. AS for Fantasy life that no different in taste of genre for gaming that is about it. No offense your question are deeply personal and somewhat offensive.

I'm not a female but I'm curious thatif you class yourself as an NT then why do you suspect you are an Aspie?

Are you trying to figure out where you might fit on the Spectrum?

I do not think that imitation and appearing to be normal are coping mechanisms. I think that people might do that because they feel like they don't have a choice and that they have to try to fit into society as best they can in order to keep from being hurt or mistreated.

Fantasy worlds might be more of a coping mechanism. In a person's own fantasy, he or she can be whatever he wants, understood, well treated, safe, have friends. That is why everyone who does that does it. It provides a place were you can just be and just enjoy the freedom of being whatever you want without other people's influence. Didn't you ever do that as a child?

The Spectrum is just that, it is a spectrum. But if you took all the tests and scored NT on them you are most likely an NT. A lot of NT's imitate others and have fantasy lives. Those are not the only things that make you fit the Spectrum. If you need further help in getting a possible diagnosis, I recommended you seek a professional opinion.

Yes, I was definitely aware of imitation. It was the only way I could figure out how to appear "normal". I watched the other girls, how they did what they did, and what kind of responses they used in various situations. I'm not sure if I ever got the non-verbal stuff down, but I was really good with the verbal responses, from word choice to inflection. I learned about the kind of questions they asked, and the easy answers, too. Unfortunately I was no good at all when they asked me about myself, beyond the standard "how are you?" I would always freeze up and stutter, trying to come up with the right words to say.

My years of watching and imitating eventually led to my special interest in performance. I'm a pretty good actor, if I do say so myself, but I sometimes still have a little trouble with having "natural-looking" body language. My teachers recommend dance classes, to get a better body awareness (I'm gonna take them up on that suggestion).

As to the fantasy thing, I'm not quite sure I understand the question. I have always been fascinated with stories: I've been writing and creating "fantasy worlds" since I was little, in various different genres. I'll admit that often those worlds in my head were far more interesting than the real world, which is why I'm not as good at socializing as I could be. If I had paid better attention, I'd probably have it down, pat. However, reading other's work (I constantly had my nose in a book), helped me better understand the inner motives of the people around me, so perhaps it was beneficial, after all.

I'm always aware of imitation, because acting that way is so unnatural for me and difficult, but I do the best I can when I think it's needed. I still suck at it.

I don't get your other questions, and I'm getting red flags from a couple of them, though I can't put my finger on them.

I would categorize this as a defense mechanism more than a coping one, really.

I have never looked to emulate others growing up, and when I did it was from echolalia mostly. I took pride in my originality, and when I was accused of mimicking someone else it was very difficult. (This person was also on the spectrum, and presented so similar to myself it was frightening.)

As for a fantasy life, my most reoccurring fantasy was having a friend who "got" me. Someone who would listen, make time for me, and maybe even cherish me. I just wanted to know what that felt like.

I tried to imitate when I was little but always got it wrong so by the time I was a teenager, I thought there was something massively wrong with me (I'd never heard of ASD) or that part of me was missing. When I found out about ASD, it filled in the gap and explained so much. I think a lot of the difficulties with friendships were because of lack of understanding of social cues or 'rules' and body language etc. I used to have 'fake' friends (who I thought were friends at the time) who used me when there wasn't anyone to sit by in class or to do their homework etc but would leave me and laugh at me with other people soon afterwards. I had a joint fantasy world with my brother that we made up when we were really little (mostly based on The Faraway Tree books) and we had that for years. My obsession is/was fairy tales.

I wasn't successful at imitation as a child so I'm going to omit the first set of questions.

I had a fantasy world as an all consuming interest as a kid. It was something I'd do all the time. I'd be in my imaginary world in class and tune out and twirl a string or my fingers in front of my eyes and make noises while imagining. I did it during class and constantly at home and at recess , enough that both my mum and teachers were concerned that I wasn't interested in other things and that I wasn't getting my school work done. Also, they were concerned because I was so abstracted and absent minded because of it ,"off in *my* own little world" It was basically replaying scenes from books that I had read to me or read myself and loved and pretending to be a character from one of said books. At one point I pretended to be other real people (other girls in my classes). It was my passion in life, what I lived for. Maybe it was a coping mechanism. Tony Atwood mentions that it's sometimes a coping mechanism for girls with AS but it felt like I was doing it because it was what I loved doing and wanted to do.



Most importantly, YES ,girls with ASD have all the same problems with non-verbal communication and socializing and repetitive behaviours or interests and often sensory issues ect. That is the disorder , that's what's required for diagnosis. The symptoms very from person to person but people with ASD must meet this criteria:

"All of the following symptoms describing persistent deficits in social communication/interaction across contexts, not accounted for by general developmental delays, must be met:

Problems reciprocating social or emotional interaction, including difficulty establishing or maintaining back-and-forth conversations and interactions, inability to initiate an interaction, and problems with shared attention or sharing of emotions and interests with others.

Severe problems maintaining relationships — ranges from lack of interest in other people to difficulties in pretend play and engaging in age-appropriate social activities, and problems adjusting to different social expectations.

Nonverbal communication problems such as abnormal eye contact, posture, facial expressions, tone of voice and gestures, as well as an inability to understand these.

Two of the four symptoms related to restricted and repetitive behavior need to be present:

Stereotyped or repetitive speech, motor movements or use of objects.

Excessive adherence to routines, ritualized patters of verbal or nonverbal behavior, or excessive resistance to change.

Highly restricted interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus.

Hyper or hypo reactivity to sensory input or unusual interest in sensory aspects of the environment."LINK

Escape into fantasy and good superficial imitation are NOT symptoms of ASD at all. When taken to an extreme these traits can be coping mechanisms that are sometimes used by people with ASD (Atwood identified this recently) and possibly other disorders as well. To do these things to a normal extent (to have an active fantasy life but not have it take over your life , for example) is normal and healthy. If you do /did them to an extreme but don't have the symptoms and impairment of ASD then no, it would not be possible that you have ASD. You may have something else for which you've used these traits as a coping mechanism. Only a professional can tell you for sure and a professional I am not but if you have no problems with non-verbal communication, theory of mind , sensory issues or repetitive behaviour and have scored NT on online ASD tests then I don't see any reason for you to think that you do have ASD. I'd bet that you don't. However, if you're experiencing any major problems in your life or distress then you should see a professional. Good luck, OP.

Imitating other people was the only way I could get by in social situations. Up until I was about 14, people used to say things to me like "why do you talk like that?" (ie monotone, or using "big" words. I've had to dumb things down all my life because people would nitpick if I used big words) or if I tried to join in a conversation, they would stop talking, look at me, then look at each other, and then just stand there quietly until I walked away, or they would walk away. People kept rejecting me when I tried to socialize with them, and I never understood why. So, eventually I gave up trying. I would sit back and watch the way other people socialized, common phrases they would use, gestures, facial expressions, etc. and then started using them myself in order to try to fit in. It helped a little, but most people still rejected me. Some people would ask me why I was copying whoever else uses a phrase I just used.
I still sit back and watch in new social situations at first, until I get a feel for the group, and then I start to join in little by little. I try not to say too much, because I still tend to say inappropriate things sometimes that make people not like me or think I'm weird.

I'm not sure what you mean by "fantasy world". If you mean did I get lost in my daydreams, you betcha. In grade 5, my school had me meeting a counsellor once a week for my "daydreaming problem", where she told me to set aside some time every day to daydream, and to try harder to focus in school. That's like telling a fish to walk on land.
I totally slipped through the cracks. They should have seen that there was something wrong.

My fantasy world; Kingdom Hearts, the game franchice, seems very very special to me now even though I don't have many games of it. The game I do have, 358/2 days, though, I love a lot and play it whenever I can. Its one of few places I can actually stomach fictional violence okay nowadays, remininding me a bit of how I was about Pokemon. I also have a serious crush on one of the characters (Riku) and I like to think of him as my prince charming (i also had someone from kh13 forum get me a plushie doll of him and that doll is like my teddy bear now). And I am his princess and we will live in disney castle together someday. Thanks to this whole franchice, disney means a lot to me now. I also wanna get a lot of pink princess stuff for my birthday and play make believe princess and prince with my riku plush doll a lot as maybe a way of meditating myself. Although I am an offishally diagnosed aspie, i've never really been a tomboy much, then again, I was homeschooled and a lot of my playmates were even boys! So, I guess I felt the need to be...special. Different. Princesses were always a bit of a fantasy of mine, now its something I can live out a bit more now, thanks to the kingdom hearts games and riku I hope it ends up more like how pokemon used to be for me, my life used to be all about pokemon, maybe my obsession with kingdom hearts can help me get past all the negative girly girl thoughts I get in my head.....

Since I got into the kh games again i've also been wearing dresses and skirts daily, it feels more....princess-like. So I think princesses in genneral are a bit of a key interest of mine, though, sometimes, I even think I could be a fairy. Yes, I am an aspie. Whoever said all aspie girls are tomboys is dead wrong, a lot of the time, I think I would choose death over being a tomboy, if I had a choice (not meaning to offend any tomboy on this forum AT ALL!! !! i'd never want that...)....although, I guess i'm okay with having some tomboy-ish traits. But extremeity? hell no. Hopefully thats an okay thing cuz sometimes i'm just not sure....also i love the color pink, i think its pretty, i never wanna grow up......

Also; NEVER call me a guy. It makes me think i'll have to be...violent.....

Last edited by RikusWishfulDawn on 03 Aug 2013, 2:41 am, edited 2 times in total.

Not really an imitator here. I'm too stubborn to conform.

I've never been an imitator. I never saw the point in trying to pretend to be someone I'm not. I feel comfortable acting like my natural self in social situations, and if other people don't like it, well, too bad. I'm not changing for them.

About the fantasizing thing... I like to daydream about my favorite fictional characters in different situations, including hanging out with me and comforting me when I'm sad or lonely. Sometimes I even talk to them. I like to think of these characters as my imaginary friends.

No! I know I'm not on the spectrum. I'm just trying to understand the spectrum better because there are a few aspies in my life.