(Asperger's/HFA)... Are we "creeps"???

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What is a creep anyway?

Are we perceived as creeps?

If so, how can we not be creepy?

And does this label only apply to guys? (seems like...)

I think yes, we are creepy in the meaning of "sometimes lightly scaring people" and no, its not about male Aspergers. I have been in a normal therapy form as well, because of my depression that got treated. Without my involvement there was a thread, about a woman writing, what kind of "troubles" she had with a female co-worker of her.

The threadstarter wrote, that because of the missing emotional response of the coworker, and the very reduced face mimicry, she simply could not tell about her kind of "relationship" to this co-worker. So she could not tell if that co-worker felt sympathy for her, or might be interested into becoming a "close working friend", or wanted to act neutrally in a job related way, or was annoyed of her, ...

She felt disturbed by that, because of the missing response, she herself could not tell how to behave toward her coworker, which made her feel uneasy. Because of that feeling uneasy, she felt herself disturbed in her "working place comfort", leading to her getting angry toward that co-worker.

For NTs its simply seems to be of great importance to know about the bonds and relationship they have to other people, and to be able to adjust their behavior toward it. It gives them safety, and makes them comfortable. And if you, anyway if female or male, act in a way, that makes it hard for them to tell about your emotions or to understand your emotions, you become unpredictable for them. Which feels uncomfortable for them, out of the missing safety of the situation.

Out of the average physical differencies, being a "unpredictable/creeoy men" might cause more uncomfort in certain people, which is less about your gender and more about yoru physical abilities.

Its pretty comparable with really drunk people, that make you aware, that their behavior cant be predicted anymore. If its about slender 14 year old drunk teenies, you wont feel bothered that much, while when its about drunken professional wrestlers, you will take care to have distance to them. ^^

I grew up in the "uncanny valley" and was routinely considered creepy by both genders.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PEikGKDVsCc

So, I'm a female. People think I'm creepy sometimes. It's happened all throughout my childhood, too. However, sometimes I'm grateful I'm not in a male body. I often stare, especially at children. I like children because their directness is funny to me. It also reminds me of when I was a child. If I was a male, you better believe people would think I'm creepy. This is unfortunate.

I've liked people before. My potential mates would find me creepy. *sigh*... Trust me, it's not just males. I think people fear others who act very peculiar to them. This then causes them to call you creepy, even though you are trying to be nice.

And example would be:

Say you were smiling to a stranger. If you make eye contact JUST enough, you are normally perceived as friendly, especially if you dress "normally". If, however, you don't know that when you smile you look like one of those evil clowns in horror movies, and you're wearing all black with a trench coat, people will think you are creepy. Why? Most likely because they think you're purposely acting "strange" and don't fit in with the norms.

I don't have many solutions to offer you unless you're being called creepy by someone who you can ask for advice. Ask then why they called you a creep, because sometimes people joke around. If they tell you, you could try to apologize and say your intentions are to just be friendly, but you are nervous and often oblivious even though you mean no harm.

Ugh. Yes, I tend to stare at children, especially babies and I'm a tall, introverted, lonely male to boot. There are three reasons: 1) Babies and Toddlers tend to stare at me and go wild with excitement when they see me 2) Children are so pure and innocent it's like watching a beautiful waterfall or sunset and I love how direct and honest they are just like me and 3) I'm a highly visual person to the point I don't know how anyone who is blind can function at all. I was once watching some kids at a playground while I was waiting for my softball game (as it reminded me of how happy my early childhood was and brought back those pleasant memories) and someone quickly informed me to stop doing that before the police show up.

I rarely if ever have problems with mothers thinking I'm creepy (mothers seem to universally love me) but more than one father has given me a dirty look. If you are tall, you are always assumed to be dangerous even though I literally wouldn't harm a spider. It's like a previous thread where some young woman told me I look like a serial killer. How the heck would they know what a serial killer looks like? That's the whole reason they ARE serial killers: because they blend in so well and the law has such a hard time identifying them.


How ironic that I would lay that charge against NTs, especially females. If anything my behavior is so predictable that a contract killer would offer a 50% discount because I would be such an easy target. My schedule and behaviour is *highly* predictable like most Aspies.

I like kids, too. I can't help smiling when I pass a happy baby in the store or on the street. There's just something so wonderful about new life. I'm fascinated with how young children learn things; child development was one of my favorite classes ever.

I suppose if I weren't female I might be thought to be creepy for it, but so far no one has reacted that way. I think they might think I am a bit slow, especially if I'm pleased enough at the cuteness of the baby to be flapping my hands a little.

Here is what I have perceived as creepy.

You're some random person and I don't even know you or we have just met and you're doing these things:
Patting my butt
Putting your hand on me and rubbing me
Making funny sounds at me
Excessive swearing
Telling me you want to go inside me and lick me down there and have sex
Wanting me to rub you down there
Already asking me about sex when we had just met
Getting mad and using threats
Talking to yourself and you're not even on the phone
Being overly friendly (yeah this is something people do as a way to manipulate you to make you comfortable with them so they can get something from you so creepy behavior)


I hope this helps. I have never met an aspie that acted creepy nor acted this way except for asking me about the sex part.

Um I briefly had a romance with a chap with Asperger's and I didn't find him creepy at all. He often made a lot of sense actually.

The only way it freaked me a little was in that he reminded me of my father...

He had the same habit of not being able to get out of the house for a day trip without getting distracted by 20 other things first that could have waited until we got home. The result was that half the day was lost or we never made it out at all. When my dad did it it used to drive me nuts as I prefer to be up and out as soon as possible. I am impatient sometimes and if I am going somewhere I want to get there as soon as I can.

Also he shopped like my father did....

Other than that, I thought he was lovely and funny and he was very good in bed too with very generously sized body parts so to speak.

As to whether I am creepy? I don't know..I don't know if i even have an ASD yet.

I am weird/quirky though. People online think I am strange but it varies as to whether that is good or bad. In person when I was younger, some people used to think my quirks were cute...they liked them and loved me. These days most just think I am odd and avoid me, some bully me...most leave me be and are polite if I bump into them (like my neighbour this morning...she knows my name, I don't know hers...why do I never know what peoples names are?) but tend to gossip about me. It varies.

I do not find this creepy...



This is creepy. Sex is better when you are with a long term partner whom you are involved with on multiple levels.

I just send men like that home.



This happens a lot when you say you don't want sex...I have been insulted in numerous ways because I declined to entertain them in that way. Men can be very nasty when they don't get what they want.

PS I like your avatar...is that Madonna from a league of their own?

Desperately seeking susan fan myself.

You don't find anything creepy about a stranger telling you he wants to lick you and go inside you and have sex?

Also some guy got mad at the train stop because no one had a cell phone on them for him to use to call his girlfriend so he started saying how the world will blow up on us all day and he will live. To me that was creepy behavior but I could tell no one took him seriously because they were laughing and even I thought it was funny because it was so pathetic. Also some other man threatening to kill himself if he doesn't get food because no one had money to give him. Then finally some teen gave him money and he stopped and seemed all better and normal again like nothing happened. My mom, husband and someone online told me it was manipulation. Also I noticed he never got off the train to get food nor went inside the airport for food once we arrived there and he was with his other buddies and went to the smoking area instead. All that was scary stuff to me. I also find it creepy when a stranger walks up to me and starts talking about their issues and drama. For some reason it makes me uncomfortable and I am too afraid to tell them I don't want to talk because I don't know what kind of people they are and if they will get mad or not or hurt me.

Ah no all that is creepy.

And when its a stranger it's different. If it is an intimate partner then, to me, it is fine.

I think most people with AS/HFA are OK people in their own right -- and I'm using WP's userbase as a reference point (I can only think of one WP user I'd describe as a 'creep' ... the rest are lovely in their various mad little ways).

I am constantly paranoid about creeping people out. I think it has to do with body language. People have a visceral emotional reaction to some of the things we do (like staring, or invading body space, or avoid eye contact, or not smiling, or being non-verbal).

Its not even that. Just doing too many socially awkward, 'cringey' things will earn you that label too. I have little control over my facial expressions and I tend to have a beaming, too effusive smile. All. The. Time. I watched a video of myself made for a group film project and ugh, looking at myself is painful to watch.

Theres any number of things. One or a few of them usually won't get you anything special. But enough and you're a creep. It could be from awkward facial expressions, head tilted wrong way, gazing at the wrong place, gazing for too long, no eye contact, missing social cues, not knowing where to stand, not knowing where to position limbs, fidgeting too much (terrible for me because I'm both ADHD and hypersensitive to clothes). Conversations are a minefield - way too easy to step in the wrong places. Slurred/confused speech, slow verbal processing, inability to read other people.. etc. etc. etc.

The best thing is that no one will tell you that you're creepy face to face (or by proxy, for that matter). So if you have terrible perception like me, you might never know when you are/how you are 'creepy'.

My god - that explains so much! I guess that's what's been happening to me all my life - it makes sense - thanks so much for posting!

Oh yes - this is also super-helpful! This rings very true. Thanks for sharing! But I think this is something that goes deeper than anything we can control... sure we can dress "normally", but... the other stuff... *sigh*