We are "socially ret*d"?

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I begin to acknowledge that I am "socially ret*d". I realize this is partly because I do not have an innate social survival strategy (i.e. having no pack mentality, I was "meant to" deal with life on my own), and partly because I dislike the social hierarchy that is inherent to NT socialization.


Do you think you are "socially ret*d"?

Yes and no. In some ways, but other ways i pick up things a lot of people miss. Though they come through intensely and I often am not sure how to respond.

If 'socially ret*d' is the way you described it then I definitely feel like that. (:

I dislike the term ''ret*d''. I prefer to call myself ''socially awkward'' or ''socially anxious'' or ''socially hard work''. It just doesn't sound so upsetting.

Yeah, I'm socially ret*d.

Yes, I am anyway.

Yup, we're ret*d.

I prefer "misfit".
I also think if NT's we're the minority, they would be the ones considered "something". It's a matter of perspective.

True. In that case, I think NTs would be the misfits, the "socially ret*d" people. Because they would insist too much on group-belonging compared to everyone else, making them the social outcasts we currently are.

I am a social dunce.

Yes, I think that's a good description, but with some caveats.

It's like how it is with people with global intellectual disability and learning in general: We learn socializing more slowly and with more difficulty, and need more help learning it. So that parallel makes sense.

However, unlike many of those with a global intellectual disability, we have very scattered skill profiles, with some skills much above others. So, instead of just lagging behind in socializing, we're also using the higher-level skills to compensate (for example, we might practice facial expressions in the mirror or read books on body language). And we may be held back by other skills that are even worse than our social skills; for example, someone whose sensory input is routinely scrambled, overwhelming, or hard to process would have to deal with that before they could learn to process social information more accurately.

Instead of my social skills being universally behind, they're behind and scattered, depending on whether I'm able to compensate with other skills.
My ability to recognize faces is worse than that of a six-month-old baby; I'm faceblind and memorize people by voice, hair, etc.

My ability to understand humor is about as good as that of an adult my age, both because I think in an associative way that lends itself to the double-meanings and twist endings of jokes, and because I got interested in it and studied it explicitly.

My theory of mind is atypical, but relatively good, about as good as that of a twelve-year-old. I have to think harder to figure out others' perceptions and I use logic to do it, and I have to remember to do it rather than having it come automatically. When I don't expect it, when I don't deliberately try to understand others, things fly over my head to a degree that seems to be even worse than the average autistic's comprehension.

My expressive language depends on my energy. If my energy is good, and/or I am writing, I have superior expressive language skills. But when I'm stressed, those skills start to become unusable.

I cannot easily maintain relationships. I take the initiative to keep in touch with people about as much as a toddler would--that is, if they are not there, I do not particularly miss them, even though I care about them.

I am more pro-social than most people, mostly because of my philosophical stance on the matter of human life. I do not feel very much distress when other people suffer; rather, I feel as though something is damaged and I want to repair it.

If I'm typical--and I suspect I am--then autistics probably have scattered profiles like this in socializing as well as in general. We are definitely delayed, since that's part of the definition of autistic, but it's not an even, across-the-board delay.

The big issue for me is not just about not being able to fit in, the big issue is really not truly wanting to.

When you "fit in", your whole worth and being is reduced to the group's judgments of you. If you start to disagree with their judgments, they will regulate it through bullying. This determines your "rank" in the group, and you thereby have alphas, betas, gammas, etc.

The alpha is supposed to eat first, mate with the highest ranked partner, etc.

By "fitting in" you acknowledge that some people have more value in that they are more "allowed to" survive than you are.

This brings about a fundamental inequality between individuals, and that is what I object to.

Just as I do not think I have more of a right to survive than others, I do not think others have more of a right to survive than me.

But I realize my view is due to not being truly social. Truly social people are so social that a gamma will let the alpha survive because it is the best for the group. They really care more about the group than the individual. I cannot help but care most for individuals.

Last edited by qawer on 18 Feb 2014, 2:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Scattered social skills that are sometimes excellent sometimes at the level of a young child, and that they disappear under stress describes me well, too, Callista.

Yes but let us call a spade a spade yes I am a social ret*d.

I hate the term too but it fits.

I'm terrible at socializing, and honestly don't care.

It's a pretty strong term. However, after reading this thread <click>, I am thinking I am easily more than 2 standard deviations from normal. Which probably qualifies.