What do you do when...

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what do you do when you really REALLY want to end a conversation with an NT?

I was sitting at lunch with a group of about 5 friends when a girl I've known for about 7-8 years came up to me. This wouldn't be so unusual to another NT (NT to NT, that is) but me being an aspie, I didn't really feel like talking to her, or really to anyone at that, but agreed because it was almost time to head off to class anyway.

There's something you should know about this friend; she honestly never shuts up. And if I don't give her at least 10 syllables, "something is wrong" or "I'm upset" or "someone made fun of me". All of which are ridiculous, because if I don't really want to have a conversation, I don't have to, right?

She took my arm (which caused me to be nonverbal for about two minutes after), when she knows I hate to be touched, proceeded to talk my freaking ear off about God knows what and wouldn't leave me alone. Also, this "friend" really likes to pop the personal space bubble.

What I really wanted to do was yell at the top of my lungs "GO THE HELL AWAY AND LEAVE ME THE F**K ALONE!! I DON'T CARE!" However, I limited my responses to quick, terse "Yes" and "No"s. And then when I really couldn't take it any more, I just shut up and headed off to Engineering 105.

Sometimes too much interaction makes me really, really annoyed and touchy.

How do YOU end a conversation with an NT who you really have no desire to talk to and who insists upon invading your personal space and touching you?

*Thank you for listening to my rant :^) *


~Aspiegirl89~

And it's not like this person doesn't know that I don't like these things. It's more like they don't want to deal with it, so they treat me like i'm NT, but I'm not. And it irritates me all the more because they know about it; I could tell them if they didn't know or had forgotten, but there's no way this person forgot or something. I see them every day!

Confused...help me understand NT's, please!

~Aspiegirl89~

Excuse yourself to go to the bathroom, and run and hide when you exit the bathroom.

Your friend sounds like she has her own "issues" with social ques.Some NT's are very needy and may pick up on other peoples disinterest but just not care!I think their own need to have attention over rides their desire not to alienate others.I also think that people with As can attract people with poor social skills or mental health issues because....1)others drop them as friends or are are more assertive about telling the person to shut up.2)Sometimes, we are desperate enough for some human relationships we are willing to put up with more obnoxious people3)We are so busy questioning our own social incompetence that we dont question the other persons and think "we" are always at fault..."I must have not let them know I didnt care about their mothers bladder infection in some non-verbal NT way...like looking bored/checking watch/looking preoccupied, so they will let me go.....when the truth maybe, they are so self-consumed they dont read your body language(even if you use it)because they are completely self-focused....lots of borderline Narcissist out there.

Can't do that, Because she will just go to the bathroom with you.

Sometimes if you ignore people they will go away. You can also wear headphones, so that people won't come up and talk to you.

You can:
1: Give them really short answers
2: Ignore them (like someone else said)
3: Walk away

I stick to number 2

Here's what I do when I'm trying to avoid someone... I look at my watch. Have my mouth drop open ever so slightly then I mumble to myself 'oh no' several times. After that I say out loud 'I gotta go, talk to you later' and leave. No explanations.

its called an "out" dude. u set up some cleaver way, for something to "pop up" and u have to leave. some people have some1 call them, then they act like its something important and leave. u dont need other ppl though, u could just be like "i have to go see.......whoever" and leave.



edit: my bad, didn't pay attention to gender.

Last edited by matt271 on 13 Feb 2007, 5:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Urgh, she sounds like one of those obsessive, needy people that JUST CAN'T TAKE A HINT. There's no getting through to people like that without hurting their feelings. Absolute pains in the arse!

If she thinks something's wrong because you've gone quiet...take advantage of that.

"...is something wrong?"
"Actually yeah, something is wrong."

And proceed to explain why you need your space, why you don't cope well when you're touched, why you can't handle it when people rant your ear off. Or as the case may be, REMIND her of these things and their seriousness.

Good on your friends for accepting you just like everyone else, but it can go too far. You're not QUITE the same as them - at least they respect you as one of them - they just need to know there are some nuances that need to be worked with

Aspiegirl89,

Typical ASPIE problem! 8-( If you were younger, or LFA, you would probably TELL THEM FLAT OUT. 8-( Yeah, I have the SAME problem. I usually try to make it sound like they have done me a favor and I started it buy saying something like "THANKS! Well, I won't take up any more of your time. Bye.".

Then again, that doesn't ALWAYS work. I had one case where an interviewer started WILDLY burning MY time. Until my ride called, there seemed no way out.

Steve

I'll tell you what I do, but you probably won't like it. It certainly isn't an NT thing. I just look at them and say, Okay. I'm done listening now and you need to go. I'm in overload with all of your emotion. That's it. I turn around and go back to work.


Actually, they handle it pretty well for the most part. I know they think it's me and I'm sure they can sit for hours and listen to it, but I can only handle so much emotion and then I shut down.

Haha...I was seriously thinking about doing this this afternoon. It got to the point where I honestly thought I was going to slap the person.

Thank you for all of your replies/advice (and not just in this topic); they certainly helped me to formulate some kind of escape plan next time.



Krex, I certainly agree with you. This person doesn't have very many friends where I'm at (she ended several friendships with drug use, etc....bad stuff to get into) and she certainly doesn't pick up that I don't care, though I often try to think of clever ways to get away from her. i do sometimes feel overwhelmed that she'll be angry if I don't pay rapt attention to her dialogue when I'd really just like to ge the heck outta there. Your third point really makes sense to me; I believe this is the way I've been acting with this person. She's too busy talking to notice that I'm not even paying attention, depending on whether I should be or not. She tends to hang with my group of friends because they are all really cool and very accepting (even though they are NT). She tends to cling to me (lit. and figuratively) because I'm so quiet that I won't even speak up when I really want to.

Flow: headphones just don't work. It only encourages her to tap my shoulder about twenty times until I stop rocking and turn around and yell "What the hell do you want from me??". Then neither of us is in a good mood and we spend the entire afternoon bitching at each other unless we decided to simultaneously ignore one another, which I've secretly been hoping for for about a month now...

Blind: I like your suggestions and will certainly put them to use. We'll have to see though; not everything works with this person...

BeautyWithin: I've tried the watch. Doesn't get the hint. Not to mention that I can't really go anywhere on luch break. It only lasts 45 minutes for me...then it's back off to classes.

Shale: yes, you define this NT to a capital N...lol. The nuances for the most part are pretty worked out with my great group of friends, but its just this one certain person who is too thick-headed/self absorbed to see that I've got some issues of my OWN that need to be taken care of ;^)

SteveK: Yeah, I almost told her flat out two days ago to leave me the hell alone, but caught myself as a mutual friend was walking past and I didn't feel like causing a huge scene (the person I'm dealing with is a MAJOR drama queen...*yuck*)...this person and I have a sport together so it's difficult to remove myself from the situation, which is my ultimate downfall/problem in the first place.

ZanneMarie: If I get so stressed that I go nonverbal (like I did today), I believe once I get my speech back under control that I'll do exactly that. I just don't know how to go about it, but thanks to all the advice, I'd better start working on a plan. (DUN DUN DUN...lol)

Thanks sooo much for all the advice. I've talked with my sister, also an NT, about the issue (so as to get both the aspie side and the NT side of things) and she says for me to tell the person to f**k off...lol. Well, I guess it's decided and both camps came up with pretty much the same advice. ;^)

I'll let you know how tomorrow goes... <3.
~Aspiegirl89~

Expose myself.

hahaha...if i did that, I'd get expelled. lol. The campus I'm on is church sanctioned. LOL.

I'd take your sister's advice. She's got it down to a T too. ;D

LOL...she knows this person all too well. In fact, there's a funny story between my sister and my irritant (;^) )

When my sister and I were in 8th Grade (we're twins), the girl I'm having issues with was talking a mile a minute and my sister [who is literally the opposite of me, she has the most elegant, gifted with social grace, personality that I've ever known/seen/dealt with], who was rooming with her and was exceedingly sleep deprived, leaned across the seat on the bus and literally slapped her across the face.

It got her to shut up. I believe there was even clapping from the front of the bus (the person talks exceedingly loudly...I can hear here from all the way across the building walkways on our campus...).


It's pretty out of control ;^).