Well, I don't really know how to articulate this properly, but I'll try. When I'm around people I'm not comfortable around (basically everyone), a few things happen. I'll get very self-conscious, I'll become very stiff in my motions which probably making me look like an idiot, and I have a different (serious?) voice. And the main problem, perhaps stemming from the previous ones, is that I don't know how to fit in with people. Yesterday I had my first event with a Star Wars costuming group I'm in. We were in a Mardi Gras parade. I was the new one and most people didn't know me except from our website so some of them knew my name and face. Some of them talked to me and I had a decent chat with them, but some didn't say anything to me and the ones I did talk to me as much as they did the others. So I was kind of the odd one out. How do you become friendly with people? I try, but I can never do it. I just don't understand how these things work. It's so foreign to me.
And another related issue I have is acquaintances. It's relatively easy to make an acquaintance with someone. It usually happens for me when someone initiates conversation with me because I never initiate it. But how do you make these people friends? It seems awkward to ask them to do something with me because why would anyone want to be bothered with me when they already have friends. And besides, if they wanted to be friends, they could ask me to do something. I'm probably too awkward anyway for most people to want to befriend me.
I know all of this sounds bad, but I am much better than I was in the past. At least now I can carry on a conversation with strangers, but I still can't initiate. Before, I would only answer their questions and give lots of one word answers and whenever anyone talked to me it was like they were interviewing me. it was completely one-way lol. And i'm not *as* uncomfortable as I used to be, although still not nearly where I need to be. Not to mention I'd never dream of joining a costume group much less walk in a parade with thousands of people watching. So there is hope for me!
Thanks for reading and hopefully some of you can relate and tell me how you get by.