Falseness in People

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One thing I have never been able to stand is false people.

On TV just now, there was some big wig politician and she was being interviewed by a bunch of reporters. During her speech, she attempted to make some witty remarks (and I understood what she was alluding to) but she just wasn't funny.
That didn't stop the reporters from laughing but it wasn't a real laugh. It was the kind of laugh people give when they don't really find something funny but don't want to hurt the person's feelings (or in this case, the person is some important politician and they do it in a crawly, sucky way).
If she hadn't have been important, she'd have been lucky to even get a chuckle.

People are so false and this has always bothered me - all of my life. I just can't stand it. Does anyone else feel this way?

Of course. I have a feeling that this is the prevalent pet peeve on these forums.

Think of it like living in a country where if you don't laugh at the dictator's jokes, you wind up chained up in the tower (or worse).

Lots of people realize if they are truthful with others, it will cost them, so they learn to fake their appreciation of stuff that's not funny.

Why the recipient doesn't catch that it's phoney or doesn't care...I attribute that to vanity or delusional thinking.

Yeah, when someone i thought was a friend for a couple of years "stabbed" my in the back. I always helped him, tried to understand him. But when I went through depression he just started to ignore me. I asked why, he said i had to stop being sad...

being truthful really hurts people but I keep doing it. They deserve to know the truth so I am devoid of all guilt.

Being "rude" to me means being truthful. My girlfriend hates the truth. I tell her i'm not being "rude" and that its just the truth of how I feel or what I think. How can she be offended by the truth?

Grrrr social rules and roles...

I feel this way though I find it incredibly hard to mask my feelings so if I hate you, unless you are autistic like me, then you will almost definitely know I hate you.

This basically describes most NTs.

They do it because they want to be accepted by the group.

Group acceptance means everything to NTs.

It does not to people with AS. What means everything to them is independence, survival-wise.

This "falseness" reminds you that these persons laughing, even though they do not find it funny, are not independent. That is (I believe) the fundamental reason why it bothers you. It goes against everything you believe in, but it does not for NTs. For NTs they feel this "falseness" is just perfect. To them it is just a matter of them celebrating their leader that will make sure they will all survive.

NTs feel that important persons must be obeyed, because they are important for the survival of the group. What matters to them is the group. But AS people care about the individual, so to them this "falseness" can be very difficult to appreciate or even accept. AS people ask themselves: "How can these NTs be happy when being forced to laugh at something they do not find funny?" AS people could feel it was humiliating to some degree, whereas NTs are happy to celebrate their leader.

Goes to show just how different we are.

People seem to do this due to impression management - they want to be liked and appreciated by others. They do this especially when they are around people they don't know well, ensuring they come across in a positive way.

Admittedly, I do this sometimes as I care very highly of what people think of me and want to give the best impression possible. I will unconciously become more outgoing and play up my fun-loving personality to an extent around NTs I am just meeting to show them that I am a likable person. If they do like me, they will get to know the other parts of myself (more introverted and more quirky, but still fun) once they have shown me that they appreciate me. Most NTs do this and expect this behaviour from others as well,.

I will never do this around people with ASD though as I know that many of them dislike this sort of behavior and find it hard to understand its purpose. I also don't do this on this forum as well for the same reasons.

If there is one thing that is core to NT's and NOT to those on the autism spectrum it has to be the whole "giving a good impression" thing.

I'm more a "the truth will set you free" kind of guy.

My father has always said I have the habit of "saying the most obvious when it least wants to be heard".

Oh well.

There are many threads about making NTs wrong. And in my long life I spent many many hours doing this too... of course there were no NTs back in my day.

But I learned in a seminar to make other people right... to do it consciously. To make a story line that explains why they say, act, like they do. It is liberating. I encourage you all to do it... to try it. A first it will seem totally like lying, like being fake. But in the end you may see it is healing you... healing your heart... and it can spread like a good virus to those around you.

For example, I use to have a long commute to a job I had to go 15 miles down I95 and then a third of a way around the Washington Beltway. Some people would always ride my bumper, and some would fly by going 20 or 30 mph over the limit. How arrogant they are I would think, how discourteous, how dangerous. But then I started moving over instantly for bumper riders. I'd say they were feeling sick maybe, or someone at home was in trouble, and that I was helping them get where they were going.

People laughing at an unfunny joke is no problem for me. Im a terrible joke teller. Horrible. I have great admiration for anyone who just tries to get a smile from others.

I find false people exceptionally hard to be around. What is worse is when I cannot tell whether someone is false or not. I try to unpick them. I do it to keep myself safe as well; i am incredibly hypersensitive to stress. I feel that I have to keep alert and because of this I am exceptionally good at reading people. But if I let go I probably know none the better.

I find it most hard to accept that people are not perfect. It's terrible, because I am not perfect either!! I get easily frustrated when someone cannot understand that what they are doing is blatantly wrong. I am a walking contradiction, because I am the same; none of us are perfect. But for some reason, my frustrations get the better of me and I prefer to keep away from people as such..

I will say, though, that this was really bad in the past. I'm much better now. I've got a lot more compassion and thus can socialize a lot better. It's still in my mind, all the frustrations that go with imperfection both in myself and others but I'm learning to accept that human nature is never perfect. I think all I ask is that the people I know at least have the capacity to be self-aware. A relative of mine is completely not self-aware and as a result of his narcissism, I've cut ties.

I was talking to my husband about this and he said this isn't being two faced, it's called diplomacy. If we all said what we really felt and thought, we would be getting into more trouble like it would cause fights, conflicts, being beaten up, etc. Plus no too long ago, someone said on here to another user there is a difference between being civil and nice. I thought they were both the same.

I am naturally a nice person because I can't bring myself to be mean to someone even if I don't like them. Also even professionals and employees are not allowed to say what they really think of you. They may go to their friends or co workers when they are not around where patients or customers or guests can hear and talk about what they really think of you. If they ran a blog about their job and they ranted about their customers or patients or guests and wrote what they really thought of them, it would cost them their job and that is what happened to a teacher in Pennsylvania. One of her former students found her blog and made copies of it and brought it to their old school to show the principal and the teacher went to work only to be called into the office and she was shown copies of her blog printed off from her blog she meant to have personal for her family to read. But she had it public so it wasn't really private was it and even though she didn't mention any names or location or where she worked, she used her real name (no last but she had her initial) and a personal picture of herself and it made it obvious who she was. If she had done that through email or over the phone or though personal message, she wouldn't have gotten caught. I don't know what the outcome was like if she lost her teaching license or if she went to another school to teach or if she got her job back or not. She was on paid leave I think or unpaid leave and she was about to take her maternity leave because she was at the end of her pregnancy and she already had a three year old at home I remember. So yeah that is why diplomacy exists, fakeness you call it. If you be your real self by saying what you really mean and how you really feel and what you really think, there will be trouble and you will have a hard time keeping employment and getting along with people. People have actually lost their jobs over what they post online about how they really feel and what they really think because they would post something about their job.

Agree with League Girl, qawer, tall-p, and zer0netgain, and probably a few others.

We are the boy in the story that points out the Emperor has no clothes, but unlike the story, we lose.

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The more I think about it, the more I want to say "F*** that story", I believe it is called The Emperor's New Clothes". What a miserable piece of you-know-what to foist on poor unsuspecting young ASDs.

I agree. And sometimes it bothers me, and other times I just don't understand it. For me personally, thinking about myself as an objective observer, I can take these kinds of behaviors in and examine them without emoting. It's someting that most of us wouldn't do, but other people do, for some reason. And then the "why" becomes interesting, and you've taken yourself out of the emotional "reaction" and into logical observation....if that makes any sense lol

Oh great...

It's quite irrelevant to steretype the majority of the human population when their brains social function differs a lot. You can't assume that NT's are like this and that, that would remove the complexity of our psychological behaviour and that would cause it to be simplyfied to the degree that everyone is similiar to each other which is very absurd. So please stop assuming that every Aspie is like this and that and NT's this and that.

We're just inferiour creatures, we even allegedly assume that we are to be considered as being intelligent creatures, but it's a matter of fact that it might be the other way around. My only logical point is that us, humans, stereotyping and categorizing outselves won't serve us anything, it's only problematic for us in that case as we express our narrow way of thinking. Just stop it, DON'T stereotype.

Yeah I might be an NT, does that differentiate me in comparision with a functional Autistic person? Yes it does on a neurological scale if you're excluding the brains appearance itself. We're still the same non the less. Humans. We're all different on a certain degree and I forgot to mention something, WHO cares about you, me or us? No one, we are just matter, so therefore stereotyping is just plain bad if you're very expressive about it.

Do you really think that having sub-categorized races based on humanity is an exeptionally good suggestion? No, we're all the same. The "Bla bla vs Bla bla" is really infuriating, in this senario about you that actually appreciate that way of thinking, congratulations, you just described yourself as an NT, because "NT's are doing that particular act, for example, wanting to be social and fitting in the society". No difference.