Frowned upon more in women!

Post Reply New Topic

My brother said to me "you think it's bad guy with aspergers well aspergers behaviour in some ways is frowned upon more in women"

How exactly might aspie behaviour be frowned upon more in females.

1. I have no idea.

2. Not everybody fits the Gender Binary.

If you are female you are expected to be way more social, and not only that but to be social in nurturing, caring ways. Everyone wants you to make them FEEL GOOD and if you don't you must be the devil b***h of all eternity.

Society has (arbitrarily) decided that women are supposed to be social and its okay for boys to be geeky

dianthus and FireyInspiration have it exactly right:

[My bold lettering, for the sentence that most aptly sums it up.]

Girls are given subtle cues all along the way, that somehow they are the ones destined to oil the wheels of any social interaction, because we are supposed to be the nurturers, carers, life-givers etc, traditionally. If a boy or man is reserved, introspective, pulled-in, even taciturn; or assertive, he's respected and accepted as such.

If a girl or woman is reserved, introspective, pulled-into herself, taciturn, or just similarly calmly assertive of what she wants or needs, she's called a b***h, difficult, weird, "a strange one."

Women are pressured, consciously and not so consciously, subtly and not so much, to be chattier and more "welcoming" than boys and men are expected to be. More social, less distant or assertive of needs.

Parents these days have more awareness of helping their girls not fall victim to most "traditional" expectations, but this one somehow still manages to slip through the cracks.

.

Yeah! And why can't I just be accepted as naturally having those qualities?

And you really hit the nail on the head when you used the word "welcoming," that's exactly it. How dare I not be welcoming and inviting to any person who wants to speak with me.

To be honest I wouldn't want to speak to a man that wasn't welcoming and approachable either, so it's not just a female problem. I don't see the point in tryin to talk to someone who doesn't seem like they want to talk to me.

Anyone been called a "snob"? I have been told "I guess you prefer your own company to the company of others" and "you think you are better than everyone else." and JKT "doesn't like people".

Exactly! If a guy is all "Oh, it's not a good time right now," people are fine with that.

If I say the same thing, just as calmly, they walk away whispering "Well I never! What a selfish byotch!"

.

Seems to me as if shyness and social awkwardness is far more accepted in women than in men. While popularity and all that is a teenage girl power fantasy, having poor social skills won't cripple the ability to get a job, to make friends, and to get a significant other the same way in women as it will in men.

While it's true that one doesn't really want to deal with anyone who isn't approachable, whichever gender, the difference is that a man who seems withdrawn isn't judged so harshly as a woman, for being anti-social. People might still think the guy is a bit cold, but they don't pull a shit-storm of judgement on him for it as a major character flaw, as they do if a woman does the same thing. She's not just being a bit unapproachable, she's also slightly shocked the person.

Women are supposed to be all smiley and happy all the time. I smile naturally when happy. The rest of the time, having to fake it is really annoying. It just saves me the bother of offending the other person. Otherwise I give off a serious, blank look. I don't think I know anyone I can be "blank" around. When given the chance, I don't talk much either.

I knew a woman who didn't smile very much but still came across as friendly. I wonder how she did it.

HA! In my experience some people absolutely do want to talk to a woman who isn't welcoming or approachable. They really seem to get a kick out of it. It's like they want to wear you down to the point that you have no defenses anymore.

Even my own parents had such expectations, eventho I was probably raised differently then some of the girls/women because my mom was a feminist (still she cooked meals for us every day tho), and I was not expected to do the dishes or to cook (contrary to my ex-sisters-in-law who were expected to do these things), but despite this they still expected some things that are generally expected from girls more than boys. Remembering birthdays for example (and a lot of other expectations that have to do with caring and nurturing). And I never called my parents either, it is always my mother who called me every weekend (and it often amazed me how often other people called their parents). When someone visits or call, you are supposed to be welcoming and able to make conversation. Or when someone has a baby you are expected to know naturally how to hold it and take care of it. As a girl/woman, you are also expected to like children (I don't hate them or anything, but I don't look for their company either, eventho they usually like me) and to like babysitting (which I did a few times, but babysitting is really not my thing lol kids push me around). And so on. But its probably not easy for men either, because there is also some things that are expected from them because they are men.

I wasn't aware of any gender binary whatsoever, we're just colonies of cells...

Can you elaborate?