How do I tell my friend I think he has autism?

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Just as the title says, I have a friend who I am fairly sure has autism, how should I go about suggesting this to him without hurting him? He hates people calling him dumb and even though I know this is not the case with autism I have a feeling he will see it as such.

Am I better to just say nothing? Or is it better for him to know ? He is 31yo and was diagnosed with ADHD as a child but there is more than that going on with him, I am by no means experienced with autism except for having other friends with it, but after doing some research autism fits

I feel if he knows he may feel less in his words " not normal"

Sounds like he has a really good woman by his side.

Maybe suggest he come to WrongPlanet to make friends. You don't have to be autistic to be a member of WrongPlanet.

Perhaps, this way, he could come to his own realization.

If it were me, I'd probably tell him, though I'd use a light touch. Rather than say I was pretty sure he'd got it, I'd say (something like) I sometimes wondered if he had it, and then sit back and wait to see his response. If he seems to recoil in horror, let it be, at least for the time being. If he seems receptive, offer to explain in more detail. It might be helpful to call it "high functioning autism," as that might come over as less of an attack on his pride than some of the other names. It shouldn't be too harmful to just raise the matter once in that way. I think it's a case of him either being interested or not, and if he's not, then all you can do is to back off and hope he'll be more interested at some later date.

I might be unusual. When it was first suggested to me that I may have Aspergers, I didn't feel offended or defensive. The person who told me taught autistic kids and had studied AS, and I suspected it may be just a case of her seeing autism everywhere because of her interest in the disorder, but I stayed objective and figured there could be no harm (and possibly a lot of good) in my taking a closer look. So I put in on my to-do list as a mildly important thing to look into, and a few days later I looked for an online test or two. I found the Aspie Quiz, answered the questions, and scored as "very likely an Aspie." I think it was easier to accept because I'd found out for myself rather than being spoon-fed the idea.

Ultimately, it might not be so awful if he rejects the idea. You'll still have your belief about what's causing his problem, and if you're correct, then you'll at least be able to understand his behaviour and deal with him more appropriately than anybody else. You'll be the one who doesn't expect thim to do things his brain wiring won't let him do, and the one who appreciates his autistic strengths and weaknesses, so you'll be in a position to do a lot of good even if he himself never knows why.

How you approach it should be determined at least in part by what kind of a guy he is. If he's the sort whom you can just say things to, then tell him straight out. If you think he could become defensive or angry, then you need to be subtle. Maybe you could introduce him to some of your autistic friends? That way he can see both that autism isn't shameful or a curse. Sure, it isn't normal, but normal is boring.

People are always sharing online quizes with each other, so why not send him the link to the famous Wired magazine online version of the Autism Spectrum Quotient (AQ) test (http://archive.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html)?

After I completed it, I sent it to my own "control" group (family and friends) and asked simply that they take the test, too, and tell me their scores if they chose to do so. They all did (and confirmed my suspicion that I am surrounded by NTs). Hehe.

At the very least, it is a great way to bring up the topic.

If you have some way to text him via email/facebook with a quiz or a page with the symptoms i think it will be the best option. That way he will have time to process the information and do some research before having to show any reaction/say something about it to you.

Thanks for your replies, Well that's interesting I just took the test and I scored 33

To be honest I've never given any thought to myself possibly having autism but I guess when I think about it, it fits lol

Well, it seems that would be a good way to bring up the subject with your friend. Good luck with that! And, congratulations on learning a little more about yourself.

Yes definitely, thanks

Thanks for this thread OP. I am facing the same dilemma.
He doesn't know I am on the spectrum.

Probably, I will not tell him: I am worried that his anxiety will skyrocket and he is feeling very stressed just now about other life issues.

However, if this changes, I will approach it using the "sandwich" technique, and also relate it to my own position on the spectrum.

The sandwich technique (as I recall it) is when you use the information between two positive statements about the person. He is extraordinarily intelligent (top slice of bread?) and terrific company to hang out with (second slice?) and somehow I have to figure out how I would word the "filling".

Peeps, can you help me here? I love him very much, partly because of his vulnerabilities which tug at my heartstrings. What's the least painful way to do this?

If you are in "serious" relationship with the person they should know in the case of butIlovehim your suspicions, in the case of B19 your diagnosis. Tell them your traits and see if they recognize it in themselves.

Be it addiction, overweight or ASD a person has to be mentally ready to accept it. Unfortunately a lot of times a person has to get in a real bad state before they are ready. Hopefully for both of you the persons you love get ready to accept their possible ASD before things gets very bad.

How do you think?

You inhale... then you exhale through your larynx and shape your mouth as appropriate so words come out.
You then select the words that will indicate what you wish to convey to this friend of yours.

I mean c'mon.
Telling people things isn't rocket science. You just go say it.

Have you done that?

The key issue in my query was "what's the least painful way to do it"