Horrible attitudes about autism

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I'm sick of certain attitudes held by higher functioning aspies and NTs. I will come out and say it.

There is this attitude I see (no, not just on this website) that those of us that don't hold jobs, go to college, or move out are simply lazy, not trying, or just don't care. This is based on the assumption that ALL of us HAVE the ability to be high functioning. This bothers me the most out of all the "harmful attitudes".

I see all sorts of other hurtful myths and words about autism like:
-Meltdowns are temper tantrums
-You need to push your child, even if they are saying they are going to kill themselves
-Autistic children have meltdowns or pleading with you not to make them do something is "manipulation"
-That we know what we do, and we just do it on purpose to make people upset
-The only way we can function is if we manage to pretend we aren't autistic
-The world will NOT accept us, so we MUST learn to fit in with NTs
-Sensory problems (showering, clothing) are just minor complaints and the child is being lazy
-Assuming people with Asperger's Syndrome are all very high functioning and can get jobs, have families, etc.
-That Aperger's Syndrome is not autism, vice versa
-Aspies are somehow more evolved
-Lower functioning autistic people are just not trying
-We should be forcing children with introversion to socialize
-We should be forcing children to go outside
-We should be forcing children to make friends
-We should be punishing autistic children by taking away their special interest
-If we know we are autistic, we will use this information to manipulate others somehow

There are others, I'm sure. Please list them here. Low functioning autistic people, please tell me horrible attitudes, stigmas, and ideas that have been used against you. Higher functioning autistic people, please explain horrible attitudes, stigmas, and ideas you have faced.

Personally, people assume I'm high functioning in all areas because my speech is very good. I have been yelled at when I can't do something because people think of me as NT. People think I'm a "genius" because I have autism. Others think I'm using it as an excuse (whatever that means). People assume I don't have sensory issues because I'm less severe on the spectrum. Also, I constantly get told I'm exaggerating them, especially when I have meltdowns.

I think a lot of the stuff you're saying is not something most people with AS would say (more pro-cure NT people).

The idea that "Well I'm autistic and I'm going to university, so obviously autism is not a big deal" seems to be becoming a fairly common notion.

A few days ago, I was talking to someone about my son. He was with me, and he is severely autistic. At the time, he was humming, rocking, jumping, AND flapping (we were on the train and he loves the train). She said something to him, and I explained that he doesn't speak, etc. She told me that her nephew has autism and he's going to university, so autism can't be why my son is like that. "My nephew is very smart," she told me, in comparison to my son. Well isn't that great for her nephew? My son was behaving like a poster child for happy- severe-autism at that moment.

Asperger's has been getting a lot of press lately, Aspies are more interesting because they can express themselves and show "intelligent thought", and I think people just generally prefer it, so that's maybe why. I think it's too bad though,because that's dismissing a fairly large group of people.

I can identify with most of what you said there.

I attribute it all to consequences of the existence of the current hive-mind.
Whenever you feel pressured to change your thinking, yet there's no logical basis for it in the real world (not the conceptual world), then it is essentially brainwashing.

These are pressures to conform to the hive, or group-think of what is currently accepted as "right".

Most people are agents of applying this kind of pressure, but may not be consciously aware of it. They may only think that they want what is best for you.

While this seems innocent on the surface, the majority of manmade mass tragedies have occurred because someone in power wanted what was "best" for others.

It is very intolerant.

Not sure if you've already mentioned this one, but the attitude of, "Oh, but you can do X or Y, so you cannot POSSIBLY be autistic/have AS" is pretty dangerous, too.....all the attitudes you mentioned stink, but #2, #3, #4, #5, #6 and the next-to-last one are the most damaging, imo.

Every human is stereotyped in some way by other individuals, and the vast amount of perspectives with which to view anything causes me a ton of cognitive dissonance.

The myth that bothers me most is that there is an overwhelming 'NT' population, as it involves a great amount of people (including myself). Autism is referred to as an invisible disability, yet when a person without autism behaves negatively (they could have any set of problems), the blame often gets placed upon the neurology of every non-autistic individual... and that seems fairly hypocritical to me. Generalizing almost the entire planet's worth of people down into one group is no better than considering every autistic a savant in one's mind.

There really is no end in defining NT, and aside from bleak social uses, it's not a valuable term outside of highly exclusive scientific studies. It's such a loose term that back when high-functioning autism or Asperger's were not actually diagnosed, people falling under those categories were considered to be NT, hence an invisible disability - think about the applications of the word invisible.

_________________
Unapologetically, Norny.
-chronically drunk

The attitude, 'you're a great liar and convinced many doctors something you don't have, but did so to dishonestly claim state benefit, you criminal scum' attitude.

Another... 'You weren't like that before you where diagnosed'

'You can talk, you are just shy and need to come out of your shell'. Hmm... It is because I came out of my shell that someone saw something was wrong.

Regarding the one about high functioning people telling others on the spectrum that "if I can get out of my parents' house and be independent, then others can too" -- are you saying you've seen this here on WP? Because I don't think I've seen anyone here say or suggest that. Personally, my own story was that I was living at home with my parents for longer than was considered "normal" back then, and my whole family hated me for it, had given up on me, and never thought I would amount to anything -- in their eyes that is. I have posted about that when recounting my own story on here. But by telling that history, I did not in any way suggest that anyone ELSE who is living with their parents into adulthood isn't "amounting to anything" -- that's what MY family thought of me and they were harsh and cruel. Only I know how confused and depressed I was, feeling like I should be moving out and getting a job, but knowing that these things (which seemed so easy and "normal" to me family) felt like terrible mountains to climb, for me.

I did actually make an enormous push and became independent -- but the fact that I did still doesn't mean I urge everyone else to do the same, or that they can, or that it's easy, or that they "should." In fact, it's the opposite -- I completely condone and agree with anyone who can stay in a safe and caring environment to go ahead and continue to do so, if they have loving and undertanding parents or siblings who can in any way help them by letting them do that.

Life out there is very, very tough. When one is neurologically different and the "normal" things in life are incredibly stressful and difficult for you, everyone around you SHOULD trust that and realize that if that means living at home and creating a different kind of life with whatever is meaningful to you, then you should do that. Nobody should force a person on the autism spectrum to do the things that they simply find nightmarishly stressful and frightening, difficult or miserable, including "being independent.

My hand was somewhat forced because my parents were older and they both died within two years of each other. I literally had to become independent, but it was hard for me, still is, and I would never tell someone else "You should" hold a job, go to college, move out on your own, etc etc.

When I was still living at home, everyone laid that stuff on me too, and called me lazy. I wasn't lazy, I was completely overwhelmed by life in the worst way possible, frozen in fear, deeply depressed, and confused by why this was who I was -- I was undiagnosed. But I was hounded with those "lazy" accusations myself, and it was horrible, nobody gave me one bit of understanding or compassion.

So I'm the last person now to lay that on anyone else. When I've said things like "I finally moved out and made something of my life" that's not a judgement on anyone who doesn't move out, that is a statement coming from the point of view my family laid on me and it was miserable. I wouldn't put the same crap on someone who is still at home. Never in a million years. If I hear that someone is able to stay in their family home with their family, I think "Bravo" because sometimes, for some people, that is necessary and absolutely the safest and happiest place to live a rich life from a secure and caring base in life. I was made to feel wrong and bad and it felt like a huge challenge when I finally did get away, but I don't even recommend it. It was just what I had to do for me, particularly since everyone actually died or estranged themselves from me....nowhere to go but out anyway.

As for "the only way to function is to pretend to be NT" - again, that is something I've said ABOUT MYSELF. Nobody else, About MY self and my own life and the path I've had to walk down. Saying it of myself doesn't automatically mean I'm applying it as a universal truth about everyone on the spectrum. That's a ridiculous leap of logic. I talk only about my own personal feeling of necessity when I've described that in MY own life the only way I've managed to get by is by suppressing my traits. I don't recommend that either, but it's what I'VE felt it neccessary for ME to do, because I was scared, I was out there on my own, I was in a situation very new and very lonely and I had to force myself to adapt. That's just a statement of fact about MY particular life and things that happened to me and situations I found myself in. Some of those situations were even rather unique as I had emigrated then found myself alone there. Not everyone does that every day. So my life is a bit different and thus so were the methods I felt I had to use.

That doesn't mean it's advice I give to all of you guys. It's me telling you what I PERSONALLY found myself having to do in my particular set of circumstances. I then had another upheaval that caused me to have to "NT it up" even more, and again, you can't judge me for that as you don't know what is was like for ME. And it also still doesn't mean I recommend it to others. But in my particular life -- again, my own unique situation, no one else's, nothing else would work at the moment. I'm not at liberty to be myself, and yes, that's f*****g sad but it's my reality..

As for the general question, the one I hate the most is:

"You can't possibly have Asperger's/be autistic --- you can hold conversation, you're intelligent, you work and food-shop and rent your own place and laugh at jokes and have had relationships."

I've been laughed at -- no, guffawed at, long and loud, for mentioning the autism spectrum. he was the only person who reacted that badly but it hurt like hell.

.

The only thing what upsets me is how the media starts spewing up s**t about Autistic people are dangerous, as in are likely to suddenly turn to a school and shoot a whole class of children. That is so offensive to me. It'd be a bit like having a foreign person (let's say Danish) shooting a class of children, and then tarring all Danish people with the same brush, just because of this one incident. It's totally offensive, and it makes me sick.