abdi2 wrote:
do you often feel that people are so unpredictable to the point where you have a natural fear of others?
do you find yourself being submissive because of this fear.
It's literally as if you read my mind! I AM scared of other people....scared of making them mad, scared of screwing something up and driving them away somehow, scared of accidentally doing something rude (even thought that rarely happens) scared of them finding out I have AS traits, scared of them discovering I need stuffed animals to cope with life. I think a lot of this fear actually comes from my stepmother - she's the most unpredictable person I have ever known. I know she tries, and sometimes she does manage to act quite normal, and then I feel guilty for harboring what is probably an irrational fear towards her - but I just don't know what to do!! !
What makes this even more messed up is the fact that even though I'm scared of other people, I am actually desperate for their approval and acceptance....whether this is just part of my gentle, eager-to-please personality, or something I've internalized from being told I should prize that above all else as part of my "therapy" to become more normal, I just don't know. I do know that if it were up to me, I would limit my contact with all of humanity to as little as possible, with regular contact only from those I trust wholeheartedly, such as my dad, my aunt, and half-sisters.
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I wish Sterling Holloway narrated my life.
"IT'S NOT FAIR!" "Life isn't fair, Calvin." "I know, but why isn't it ever unfair in MY favor?" ~ from Calvin and Hobbes