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I had a massive meltdown. I cannot speak words. I can only make vocalisations.

I'm sorry to hear that what was it about?

I'm sorry this happened to you. What happened?

Aww, what happened?

Concentrate on slowing your breathing and relaxing your muscles.

You can type though - that's good. Just take it easy, your ability to speak will come back. I still go non-vocal sometimes. It's all A-OK.

take care.

I'd start humming if anything.

So sorry for you. Are you overwhelmed with all this "ending year" stuff?

I was almost there a couple times myself today. I know enough about you to be sure you'll find a logical means of calming down, have patience with your mind.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

you will find a way back. and you can type - your ability to communicate isn't all gone.

i'm with androbot - breathing...

Thanks all.

I took clonazepam, did slow breathing and a meditation video (eventually), and did sensory stuff.

My mum is mad.

It started when I texted her saying that I hope she would have a good New Year celebration, and that I hope next year will go really well for her (she doesn't live with me and I am celebrarting New Year with someone else, so I thought that I would text her last night as my friend and her boyfriend is coming today). I said I would call her today in the text.

She didn't answer my texts for a while so I texted her, "have I done something wrong?"

Then she called me and started hurling abuse at me down the phone, saying how "ungrateful" and "rude" I am and that it's a "grave insult" that I sent her that text. I tried asking her why, I was producing tears and my breathing was getting erratic. She said that it is "really rude" to wish someone happy New Year one day early. Then more abuse hurled at me, in a shouting loud voice.

I hung up on her.

Then I lost it. I was screaming, throwing things, hitting and biting myself, and whacking my head against the wall. I couldn't stop.

I spent over an hour doing this.

I have bruises and cuts on me and I have a sore throat this morning.

I managed to take clonazepam in the end and I did deep pressure in dim lighting. Then I did the meditation.

I was nonverbal all night but managed to send one text to my mum saying "I had a meltdown."

This morning my mum texts me as if nothing had happeend. I therefore conclude that she was drunk last night (she has an alcohol problem).

I am recovering my ability to speak, slowly.

I have two people coming for New Year today and I really don't feel ready. I will take more clonazepam and tell them that I had a severe meltdown yesterday so please give me time and space.

Based on what your wrote, your mother is absolutely nuts.

You did nothing wrong, Steel Maiden.

I'm sorry you had to have a meltdown over this.

Your mother was being irrational in this case, not you.

I would just wish her a Happy New Year when the New Year comes.

Just logged in as you posted.

Thanks. I appreciate that.

I have an autistic friend and her boyfriend coming over soon for New Year. My mum is off to some party so I will have a quiet New Year's Eve / Day.

I need to take some clonazepam now. I hope my psychiatrist will read my email.

I'm proud of you, Steel Maiden.

You are taking steps to better yourself.

There is a cliché--but it's an apt one:

"The first step to improving one's self is insight, knowing that you need to improve."

So sorry to hear that Steelmaiden.

The thing about when it is appropriate to wish someone a Happy New Year must be a British thing - I've been wishing people that for a few days now and nobody here has raised a fuss (I'm in Canada).

Maybe something else upset your Mother and you caught her at a bad time. Try not to let other people (your Mother included) get you so upset - it's just not good for you. Sometimes it's just better to think in your head "so-and-so is behaving like a turkey" and ignore them.

Take care and best wishes for better days ahead.

Enjoy your time with your friends.

Happy New Year!