how do you explain to others what is to you?

Post Reply New Topic

i am constantly being asked what aspergers syndrome is by all sorts of ppl
becoz i look normal and am fairly intelligent ppl dont seem to get how i find every day life extremely difficult
has anyone got any ideas on how to explain to non aspie ppl what as is?
ps i mean lectures, nurses, doctors, friends etc
x

Welcome fellow Uk Aspie... nice avatar

i understand completely how you feel, ive been there myself, ask them if they would be able to explain the colour red to a blind man... or if they would get angry if a blind person couldnt read a book to them.

explain that Autism is the lack of a sense, in my case anyway, of the ability to read body language, and to know intuitively social queues...

the technical way you may be able to explain it is that Aspergers is a triad of imparements -:

1) social interaction
2) social communication
3) imagination.

a person may have varying levels in these (in some cases one may be even above the norm for Neurotypicals or NT's for short, usually with low levels in another).

if you need me to clarify anything ive said, just drop me a message

It's difficult for me to explain to others because I'm rather outgoing and have a professional job. Still, it can take me three tries to leave my apartment to go to work because I am so lost in my thoughts that I forget everything I need to take to work with me. I have a very short attention span. I do not make cognitive shifts well. I get confused very easily--sometimes I have to think very diligently about getting somewhere that I've been to many times. I get lost in obsessive thoughts. Sometimes I'm amazed that I can hold a job. It's hard to explain these things to people who think that I'm competent at work. They don't know how hard it is for me. Also, since I've been diagnosed with Asperger's, I know these difficulties will always be with me.

Still, I love my life and wouldn’t trade it for anything!! !! !!

lack of imagination is not a criteria for aspergers. Many of us have unusually high imaginations. Observers have thought that asperger children lacked imagination because they didn't participate in or understand the creative games of other children; many, however, have their own imaginary worlds so complex that no one else understands them, or the child never tells anyone about it.

I'd say the triad of impairments is:

1. social
2. sensory
3. rigid thinking/executive function

DSM says it's the following:

But then the diagnostic guidelines give a long list of things, and says it's any combination of several of them. The guidelines also make for possible diagnoses which sound much less drastic than the criteria above. For example, the "Severe and sustained impairment in social interaction" requirement can be met by, say, "failure to develop peer relationships appropriate to developmental level" and "lack of social or emotional reciprocity." So just wanting to be left alone for the most part, and succeeding in that wish, could qualify a person. This vagueness of criteria make it really hard to make accurate generalizations about AS, every aspie will be different. And severity is going to range from "seems a little eccentric" to "has not set foot outside of the front door in months."

There have to be problems with social stuff, obviously. There have to be habits or patterns of some sort, even if they are just a topic that one regularly obsesses about. And the combination must be perceived as interfering with social, occupational, or other significant aspects of your life.

If you have a hard time coming up with examples of how AS can make life hard (without mentioning too many things which might be uncomfortably close to home), there seem to be plenty of problems discussed here which would do. Whether it's school, work, relationships, or what have you, there are lots of examples to be found on WP.

lol i started to cry when i read your comment because it defines exactly what i struggle with day in day out
im in a very professional job and yet thngs like getting out of my room and obssesive thoughts ruin everything
how can i normal person understand when all they see is me being badly behaved
x

[quote="Aspie_for_the_Lord"]Welcome fellow Uk Aspie... nice avatar

i understand completely how you feel, ive been there myself, ask them if they would be able to explain the colour red to a blind man... or if they would get angry if a blind person couldnt read a book to them.

thankyou
i think i mayborrow this example alot in future if thats ok with you x

my pleasure... BTW, you have nice eyes

I don't know if there's any real explaining to most people. You could tell them the things that you can and can't do but it requires some imagination on their part...yes, I know we're the mind blind ones but they need to be able to see things from our perspective. This is something that most people find difficult because they take certain things for granted and as such find it difficult to understand another vantage point.

A minor example of this is the rules I have for food. I have set, but complex, rules for what foods can mix and touch on my plate. I can become agitated if the rules are broken for my food. I have told only a very few people of this (and only if they actually notice me fussing with my food when the rules were broken) and almost in every case they've commented that I just shouldn't care as it doesn't matter. Not to them, that is. Or they notice that some foods can touch and comment that I let some touch/mix but not others.
I've said that it's like mixing custard with soup. Sure you're just going to eat it all but not at the same time. But their rebut is that it's not the same because THEY can't mix custard and soup but THEY can mix, say, coleslaw and cheese. And if they can do it then I should be the same.

It's hardly surprising that I've kept my mouth shut about my rules for so long.

[/rant]

I was going to say the SAME thing. I think it is pretty much universally acknowledged here that statements to the contrary are WRONG and just don't make sense. Imagination is needed for LOTS of the things they attribute to autistics and AS people!

Steve

Strangely enough, most people think that because we can explain AS in at least the most basic ways, therefore we should be able to defeat it. I say "strangely enough", because these same people know that deaf people understand deafness without defeating it! (Duh, people!)

The best way I can explain it to people is to point them to some material and say: "Hey, read this." Otherwise, I don't get anywhere.

I have been advised not to explain anything about it to anyone.
I am not diagnosed with anything (besides ADD) anyway...and nobody wants to hear about ADD..Whenever i am akwardly scrambling around trying to entertain a new batch of strangers..I feel like blurting out...please pardon me, I am a little bit strange...to which the customary answer will be..."we're ALL a little strange"..and then i feel embarrased.

Thanks for posting that, as I really wondered about the imagination thing. I had an extremely vivid imagination as a child, however I kept it to myself, or shared it only with my sister (who I highly suspect is also an Aspie). Whenever I played with other kids, I could never really figure out what they were doing because they always did things so differently – for example, other girls always wanted to have play “beauty pageants” with their Barbie dolls, or dress them up for play "dates"; while I wanted to take them outside and send them across the clothesline Indiana Jones-style, or have them climb trees or build Barbie-sized forts. Now THAT’S imagination!

Last edited by Erilyn on 21 Mar 2007, 3:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I think I'd give them a brief introduction to it and let them come to their own conclusions. Otherwise, you'll end up over-justifying yourself and feeling like you're of a 'lesser status' to them. In any case, if they're that bloody interested they'll go and do some research of their own.

That's why I don't usually mention it, because it means people are more likely to put me in a position where I am confronted with unpredictable conversations. I can rabbit on about autism online for ages, but when I am put on the spot and have to explain things in relation to *me*, I'm lost for words.