Can you handle friendships?

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I can't even handle friendships in real life (in person). I wonder if anyone else is like this?

I love having friends and being included. But, sometimes I do something wrong or something I loose my friends.

I can become overwhelmed when spending too long around friends and I need time alone but only for a little while.

Yeah I can't even hang around in groups anymore; unless it's my group and I know what things they like to do and like to talk about. Otherwise I always end up either annoying them or they annoying me or I just feel confused.

In fact I'm disappointed when people don't perceive things the same as me and aren't interested in the same things. That's most of the time lol.

I have trouble keeping friends. Either I do stuff that's too weird or awkward, or I don't like them and literally tell them (some people react strongly to this ).

I'm lucky though since I have a true friend that I met in first grade, and he thinks a lot like me. So I can manage without any other friends for now

Hi Starfix.

I find it hard too. I want to have friends but I'm rubbish at maintaining the friendships. I liked meeting up and feeling part of something and I miss it (we moved 500 miles after living in same place for 18 years and after 3 years in new place I've not clicked with anyone) but I see people at work and that seems enough for me for now.

I'm too intense. Even my grandma wanted to get off the phone with me last night .... I don't realise til after then the sinking feeling sets in. Easier not to speak to folk ?

Sorry Starfox! I tried to edit but it won't let me. Argh! Really sorry

I suppose I can make friends but keeping them is an entirely different matter. Somewhere along the way they disappear, either by my doing or some other circumstances. As it is I don't hold my breath waiting for the perfect friend to come along anymore. At least I'm not buying drugs and alcohol anymore for people just so they'll be my friend.

I have friends and I seem able to maintain friendships, especially when I am around people, I have a very hard time maintaining relationships over distance though. My major problem is gaining friends, I have a hard time forming connections and I absolutely need some common ground to engage my interest and to make a person worth my time (subconsciously) otherwise I'm generally disinterested.

Basically once a person has engaged my interest I can then make a conscious effort to engage with them and try to form a friendship, but it does take some effort on my to actually create them and often doesn't work out but occasionally I connect with people and we're able to have a friendship.

I became pretty good at the early stage of friendship, but then I realised that my middle game is weak, so I became wary of doing the early-stage thing because I knew I couldn't follow through. These days I'm much more likely to make a friend very slowly. I guess that's an attempt to find out more about the likely problems that could happen later on.

I find it hard to have relatively distant friends - not physically distant, emotionally. People tend to be either very important to me, or hardly important at all.

I'm also very hard on myself when I judge my "performance" with friends. Often I think I'm making a pig's ear out of my relations with others, when all the time I've actually done quite well. When I left my first job I was astonished to see how many people had grown to like me and were genuinely sorry to see me go. I'd spent years thinking they didn't care about me much at all. What a waste.

I used to make friends or relationships with people who seemed to be as lost as I was, or they'd hit rock bottom. Then they'd re-gain their confidence, make other friends and leave me on my own again looking for some other lost soul. My purpose in life is to be somebody to use as a stepping stone.

Last edited by lostproperty on 26 Jul 2015, 12:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

While I do have friends, making them has never been easy for me. Even now I don't quite understand the process. In most cases people sort of pick me. Then they are persistent enough that I manage to spend enough time around them to become comfortable.

Initiating friendships however rarely happens. I can think of one instance in recent memory where I initiated the friendship, and he was a fellow Aspie. I also initiated that friendship electronically. It was oddly instantaneous and we've been close ever since. I image that is what the process of making friends for many NTs must be like, but I'm not sure.

I will also add that while I don't have many friends, the friends I do have tend to be the life-long type.

Ah it's good too know that others think the same as me.

I would like to think so, what is the alternative?

It pains me thinking about old friends, I blame myself regardless if I should. I feel I am a lot wiser now, I would of done a lot different.

Same here. I almost don't want new friends because I know they won't always be a part of my life and will have to leave at some point. I'd be too upset, I still feel sad sometimes about people I knew years ago and I don't want that part anymore.
Also if I could go back in time I'd do some things differently.

I'm not a sociable person, but I like to think a few is just fine. It just has to be the right people who aren't expecting what I don't offer.