Hi I you found this article I you didn't write it but it is how I feel too.
The world I want to live in
This is a terrifying world to live in, if you, like me, are autistic right now.
So-called autism experts write papers about us, detailing all of the dysfunctions and deficits we are supposed to have. Doctors recommend that we be medicated, confined, or subjected to behavior modification therapy, all with the goal of making us less expensive, more managable, and less autistic-looking. Genetic research is carried out to see if we can be eliminated or prevented.
Parents write messages on the Internet saying they wish they had a normal child -- one who speaks more "normally", or has more "normal" social relations, or who doesn't do such "odd" things as flapping hands, rocking, or lining up toys.
We are portrayed as something disordered that needs fixing, some tragedy that deserves mourning, some sort of monsters who came into our parents' lives and ruined them. We are portrayed as lacking such "human" qualities as empathy, compassion, and love. We are portrayed as dysfunctional, impaired, and damaged. People spend vast amounts of money to try to remove harmless traits that are common and normal, if you happen to be autistic.
The depth of pain that this causes an autistic reader is inexpressible. It is a deep denial of who we are, and a rejection by the same people who say they love us and want to help us. It effectively tells us, "You do not deserve to exist. Your existence causes pain. You should be someone different."
Parents are portrayed as some sort of heroes for dealing with us, and we are not portrayed as any sort of heroes unless we emulate normality, and confirm the current theories about autism. At that point, we are paraded around as having "recovered" from autism. I think it is heroic for an autistic to survive into adulthood, subjected to daily bombardment from an incomprehensible world that does not accept autistics. It is heroic for an autistic to exist in this world at all.
This is a world where autism is considered a disorder, and autistics are expected to submit to being "repaired". This is a world where autistics are subjected to abuse, ridicule, and punishment for being who we are. This is a world where autistics are given dangerous psychiatric drugs, and treatments which attempt to force neurotypical behavior on autistics. This is a world where autistics who manage to mimic neurotypical behavior enough to "get by in the world" are often plagued by deep emotional and self-image problems because of the discrepancy between who they are and what they appear to be. This is a world where autistics are considered, and treated, as something less than human, and are denied our basic human rights. This is a world where autistics are punished every day for being real, and rewarded for being false. This is not the world I want to live in.
I want to live in a world where it is okay, even admirable, to be autistic. I want to live in a world where autism is known to be the unique and beautiful thing that it is. I want to live in a world where I can be sure that autistics will be loved and respected as who we are, not drugged or forced to behave as something we are not. I want to live in a world where I can say "I am autistic" and not be expected to be a bundle of abnormalities and deficits. I want the word "Autism" to provoke not a mental defective or something that needs "fixing", but an image of a wonderful and unique person with a wonderful and unique way of being and experiencing the world. I want to live in a world where autistics are celebrated, not degraded.
I want to stop being afraid for all of the autistics who have brain damage or impaired cognitive functioning because of medications that they should have never been given in the first place. I want to stop being afraid for all of the autistics who are told effectively, "Who you are does not exist" or "Who you are is not good enough", and forced to emulate neurotypical behavior "to get on in the world". I want to stop being afraid for all of the autistics who are forced to live in institutions or on the streets because of an inability to "get on in the world". I want to stop being afraid for all of the autistics who are arrested for "bizarre" or "suspicious" behavior, or for failure to communicate. I want to stop being afraid for all of the autistics who are abused, taken advantage of, and discriminated against, for being autistic, and who are denied the help they need to survive. I want to stop being afraid that these things will happen to me, especially because most of them already have.
I want autistics to be told, "It is good to be autistic." I want the choices, boundaries, brains, and emotions of autistics to be respected. I want parents, upon finding out their child is autistic, to be as joyful as I would be to have another autistic in the world. I want to see parents and teachers learning the delight and beauty of autism. I want doctors and scientists to stop theorizing about what is wrong with autistics, and start theorizing about what is so right with autistics that there is this whole other kind of unique person in the world. I want those autistics who are incapable of working to still be able to live a dignified life the way they want to live it. I want autistics to have access to the help they may need to communicate, to understand things, and to live in the world. I want autistics to always have access to the information that they are not the only one like them in the world. I want autistics to be raised to be proud and confident that who they are is unique and beautiful.
That is the world I want to live in. I know that it is possible. I also know that that is not the world I live in now.
Currently, I can find exactly one printed book which tells me what I know to be true -- it is okay, even beautiful, to be autistic. The book is Through the Eyes of Aliens, by Jasmine Lee O'Neill. I carry a copy of this book everywhere, and even sleep with a copy of it. It is the only concrete and lasting object I own that tells me, directly, "It is okay to be you." Someday, I hope there will be more.
Last edited by Puzzler on 19 May 2005, 1:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.
19 May 2005, 7:01 am
