Autistic and pregnant

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Help has anyone been through this in the UK and if you have what sort of support were you given?

My 22 year old daughter is pregnant. She can't look after herself let alone a baby. She is in the very early stages of her pregnancy and I just need to know what lies ahead of us.

Thank you in advance.

You're a great mum for asking this ahead of time.

I just want her to get through this with as few problems as possible.

How high functioning is she? Was the baby planned, and does she understand all that raising a child will entail? Is the father in the picture, and if so, is he reliable? If you decide to keep the baby, do you know what will become of it? Will your daughter raise it with your help, will you raise it, or will it be put up for adoption? I think the answer to these questions will narrow down your search as far as looking for support goes.

I do everything for my daughter, she can not look after herself let alone a baby. I do not have a clue what we are going to do but if she keeps it I will be looking after it. It is all too fresh at the moment that we don't know what is going to happen. Everything is just up in the air at the moment.

I feel that adoption is the most caring option.

Do you want to raise your grandchild as your own child? That's the decision to make. If yes, keep the baby. If no, place it.

You also need to be thinking about how to prevent this happening again, as it is likely to do if you don't change something.

What age level does she function at? 7, 10, 15?

It is one thing to be messy and not get the bills out on time, it's a whole different deal if you are helping her with feeding, clothing, bathing, prompting to do things.

What would happen if you left her to fend for an hour, half a day, a whole week?

Does she work or go to school?

Does she even know how she got pregnant? (no, I am not kidding on that)

My 12 year old daughter could not handle a baby. She is moderately self sufficient. She knows when to take a shower, brush her teeth, can clean up a little, does her homework with minimal hassle. Can feed herself by cooking simple dishes and not burn the house down. She does notice when the dog needs food and water, and handles that. DD has gotten herself off to school totally by herself, alone.

If your daughter can't do at least some of the above, you will be raising the baby and her. That's doesn't mean your daughter can'take help out with a whole bunch of things, but if she can't generate the effort herself, someone has to step in and help.

I know the UK has more in home supports than the States. Where is the dad in all this? Does she know who and where the dad is? Because where I live, if she really isn't functioning well, the baby is put into foster care until all this gets hashed out.

The state looks for the father. Is he better off or more functioning than the mom? Then the state looks at both sides of the family, for kin care. If the dad is MIA and his family can't help out, if you can, the baby will go to your home.

I know in my state social services works hard to teach moms who are differently abled about baby care, child care, and keeps close tabs on the parent and new born.

If your daughter can't function at an adult level, here the state would ask someone to be guardian for the baby. If the daughter and the baby lived with you, you'd have legal say over medical treatment and decisions relating to care. Are you your daughter's guardian?

The mess is, you have the equation of the father and his family thrown into the mix. It's not just your DD, baby and you. There is a whole other interested party that has to be heard.

Also, you can't put father unknown on the birth certificate and get social services in my state.

Wish you gave more information, because supports really do vary.

Who's the father? It all depends on her level of functioning. If you have to do most things for her, then she probably won't be able to handle a baby. If she's still kind of independent, then I suppose that it can work with a support system.

Getting in touch with the father is, I think, absolutely crucial and is the right thing to do, morally. It's his kid as much as hers. He should have a say in what happens. If it's still really early in development and you don't want to raise the child, I would consider abortion. Aborting early is medically safer than carrying a child to term, if you're worried about her health.

Athens father is autistic too. Higher functioning than my daughter. It depends on the day what age she is functioning at but never higher than about 8. I think she knows how she got pregnant but doesn't understand the consequences. He had bought her an engagement ring at Christmas but I am not even sure she understands the consequences of that.

I have asked her what his parents are like but all I get is that she doesn't know.

We have seen the doctor since I first posted and a few options were mentioned. She keeps telling me no baby no baby but again I am not sure she understands if she does something about it that it doesn't come back.

I am bringing up a grandchild (not my daughters child) at the moment. If I had to do it again I would. I just don't think it would be fair on my daughter to carry a child.

A while back we tried to get the implant fitted to try and stop her periods but they wouldn't do it. So once this pregnancy has ended we would go down that route again.


Thank you for all your answers, you have asked me questions that I had overlooked and it has helped.

How does your daughter feel about babies? If she loves babies, she might be a good mother. If she doesn't, then, basically, you would be raising her.

Grandmothers raising kids is all too common.

Putting the baby up for adoption might not be a bad idea--unless your daughter really wants the baby.

This is a very difficult situation, with no easy answers.

If you're waiting for someone to suggest abortion, consider it suggested.
If you're not willing to consider it, then you should contact the bf's parents immediately. Find out what, if anything, they intend to do to assist. Depending on their answers, you may need to contact a lawyer.
Also, your daughter should not be unsupervised with bf in the future. In my view, if someone has sex with a person who has the mental capacity of an 8-year-old, that's rape. The situation is complicated by the fact that the bf is also on the spectrum, but it does seem to me that he's taken advantage of your daughter.

A factor weighing against continuing the pregnancy is that both parents are autistic - something I did not know at first. Given the heritability of autism spectrum disorder, the child is likely to also have a difficult road ahead. This would make the baby harder to adopt out, as well as harder to raise. If the pregnancy is still early, termination (abortion) might be an option to look at.

I am not recommending eugenics ... just realism.

I just noticed this is posted in the General Autism forum. It might be better placed in the Parent's forum, where other parents of autistic children would be more likely to respond.

raaaaawwwwwr stupid system

During an abortion there's the option of tying her fallopian tubes at the same time she's under, I think. 1 time being under. You don't have to worry about fitting in IUDs every 5 years or whatever they're at right now and possible hormonal interactions of them then too. If anything this site has taught me is that understanding of autistics is not necessarily related to their functionality. I would take her saying 'no baby' as her being able to understand enough. But I don't know her at all.