need help

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I need help, I 'm feeling totally lost, and I can't find any way back to where I was. I don't want to quit life altogether, but I feel like I can't move forward. All of my friends move because I'm dispensable to them, even though they're not dispensable to me. I don't know how to become important to anyone. Only my cat, and he ignored me this morning because the sun is out, and anyway all he wants is food. I don't know if I should go back to my therapist because he doesn't know anything about ASD.

What part of NYC are you in?

Today is a nice day. If you're in Manhattan, just go down to 42nd Street, Bryant Park, and take a chair and a phone, and just sit there listening to the music. It's going to be a warm day today.

Or take the bus or train to the beach if you're in Queens/Brooklyn.

Ok I'll walk to the beach.

That's cool! You live near the beach?

I used to live in Brighton Beach, Brooklyn--two blocks from the beach!

I regret leaving that apartment!

[color=#00B2FF] Hello, Do what ever calms down you might be better if you do something you like to do, for me it would be play video games or Pokemon or something.

Hi there

I hear you when you say that you are lost and you want to be important to others as I do as well. I grew up in a home where I was not validated. I am learning that I did not get valued in my home so I am looking for that validation from others. I need to find my importance before I can expect others to see my importance. I would take this time to journal your thoughts and then talk to your therapist about ways to love yourself. I am not there yet but I thought I would chime in. I have friends who also think I am disposable but I attracted them so I am learning how to attract others who can actually "see" me.

I went to the beach and wrote in a journal. I'm not feeling happy, but I feel a lot clearer about all the various things that are scaring me. Maybe the sunshine will work its way gradually too.

I live on the Rockaway peninsula, almost directly south of Brighton Beach. It's very nice, and I'm grateful you reminded me that I live here and that it's finally warm enough to go to the beach.

I wish I could be sure that I'd be able to afford it next year, but things are unclear financially. I stopped therapy to see if I could handle it, because I have student loans that I'll need to start paying soon, and I'll need to cut back on expenses. I don't think I'm handling it well...and I guess I'll need to balance my priorities somehow, but the therapist told me once that he doesn't believe HFA even exists. So I kind of tucked my diagnosis in my back pocket until very recently. Pulling it out of my pocket has helped in so many ways, although it's also been really upsetting in other ways. Anyway, I don't know if he's the right person to talk to anymore.

I think there are so many questions swarming my mind, and I have to pick one thing to work out first. But all of the problems are inter-related so I can't solve any of them until I've solved all of the rest of them.

You must live near Breezy Point. Or maybe in the nice area known as Belle Harbor.

I used to live in Far Rockaway back in the 1970s. In an area known as Bayswater, which was sort of an enclave from the rest of Far Rockaway.

I'm glad you were able to clear your head, and to make more sense of things.

I grew up not believing I was "autistic," because "autistic" had a very specific meaning back then (though I was diagnosed with "infantile autism" during the 1960s.

We now have the broader meaning of the term, which your therapist might not have encountered (yes, you have therapists who go back to the DSM III notion of things).

I kind of think that we are just wired differently and a label for HFA may not be needed, however for me I need to know if I fit a certain pattern so I can understand myself and my differences. I wanted to console you at first about your therapist now recognizing HFA but in a way, I see his point. I have a therapist who does not know much about HFA. I am afraid that most of them do not know much about it. I feel that I am the expert on my differences. I do need to at least know if I fit the criteria for Aspergers so I can at least have an "aha moment". I can tell myself ....that is why I am like this. I really hope that you are able to work all things out.

Or maybe he doesn't believe in tagging people with a disorder just because they're 'weird'.
My former psychologist, when I told her that I might have Asperger's, she told me she doesn't like tagging people, and I couldn't agree more. I'm closer to the DSM-5 point of view, in the sense that I believe that there's a really wide spectrum, and every autistic person is different.

Thank you everyone.

Emu Egg, this is also why I like the label; I needed to understand that there's a reason for my alienation, and I needed to come to terms with all the loneliness I experienced when I was a child and as an adult. I feel like I've been pretending that all didn't happen. But it did/does, and it's a relief to acknowledge it, and understand, forgive myself for being that person about whom people feel so regret-less walking away from.

Initially, I felt only joy and relief about the label. But now I'm coming to terms with the drawbacks of the label. I'm not sure how much I want to be protected by the label, and whether it will ultimately limit me. Also, accepting the truth/coming out of denial that I am indeed dispensible, and for good reason, has been so sad.

I'm not a "label" person myself.

But DSM III represents the outmoded notion of autism as Kanner/Infantile autism only.

The DSM V is far from perfect--but it does reflect autism's status as a "spectrum."

I just realized, Fluter, that you may think I'm trying to determine your area.

I'm only curious; I'm not seeking to "find you" or something of that nature.

One of my "special interests" is geography.

Kraftie, it's ok! I wasn't suspicious, because I've read your posts on many threads and feel you are a trustworthy person. I don't want to be more specific about my town though, because I don't want any of my colleagues to connect me to my threads at WP, some of which are highly personal. Also, they might wrongly conclude that I'm not good at my job, based on their own vision of ASD.

Understandable. People do have notions pertaining to people with autism--many of them erroneous.

Frequently, though, contrary to popular opinion, people with ASD's are sometimes QUITE good at their jobs!

This is where we have to educate people: through our accomplishments.

Yes! I meant 'labeling' by 'tagging'. I was somehow translating the Spanish word we use, which is 'etiquetar'. Too much time on Facebook, I guess!