Im sad when someone tell me that everyone has problems

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that argument dont make any sense to me. its like a fake empathy. i have autism, like most of people in this site. then someone that dont know all the problems and fights i had to make every single day to try to live in society, acts like oh you have problems/autism? dont worry, everyone has problems! nobody is normal. for f**k sake. why they tell me this? its so but so f*****g cruel to me. nobody is normal... off course theres normal people. most of people are normal. what kind of argument is that? in general i dislike comparison, cause 90% of people are better than me.

Everyone does have their own set of unique problems.
I know it can feel invalidating when they tell you this, but often (ironically) they are trying to be inclusive by telling you we're somehow "all in this together".
This is how people think - that it's comforting to have something in common with others, so they try to normalise everything, so you don't feel alone.
It's the same when you have cancer and people tell you "everyone is dying, really."
It used to upset me but I realise they are trying their best to empathise with a situation they've never experienced, so they really have no freaking idea.

I think everyone feels differently on this issue. Personally, I appreciate when others share their experiences, so I don't feel so alone in my problems (even in cases where their problem is less severe than mine).

For those who find this approach unhelpful - what would be a better thing to say?

Thank you for writing this. I wouldn't be able to see it like this myself.

Yes. But that is, too often, exactly why it is received by targeted individuals as dismissive or worse. Humans aren't usually willing to show their vulnerabilities. When they summon the courage to do so, they feel frequently that others don't care to the degree that they believe is commensurate to their expectations. Then, perhaps the worst offenders are those who equate someone's hope for real sympathy and understanding with their own vivid descriptions of some triviality like how bad the traffic was driving to meet them. Having experienced both sides of the social equation myself, I know how it feels to belittle others and feel belittled as well. I suspect strongly that this is why so many healthy, successful and supported individuals recognize their own poor attempts to support others when the real effect turns into an obvious flop. Realizing their failure, how many give up trying to help others altogether?

It is an interesting question, given that lack of empathy (or poor Theory of Mind) is common in autism. I care about people, and want to say something supportive, but find myself failing at that, all too often.

It feels like having better emphaty skills is still not enough.

The best thing to do is to show that you're listening.

I get what OP is saying. I have a friend who likes to say, "you're not the only one with problems."

That doesn't make me feel better. It makes me feel judged. Like there's so many problems no individual is allowed to express any feelings. Like I am not in any way important. I already feel like no one cares about me. It's like being kicked when you are down. "So you don't think you're important? You are correct. You are not. No one is. There is no hope. Only pain."

@hurtloam - thanks for the explanation. And I agree, 'everyone has problems' or 'everyone is dying' are not helpful things to say, basically dismissing the person's problems.

I think I mistakenly lumped that in the same category with 'commiserating' if you actually do have the same problem. Which some people appreciate, and others find offensive (and I'm terrible at knowing the difference!)

I guess the safest thing to say is 'that sounds very difficult' or 'I'm sorry that happened'... To me it just feels like empty words, recited from a script, but if it's the socially correct thing to say, I can train myself to do it.

To the OP, the person telling you that everyone has problems is discounting you. Now that you know this about him or her, don't bother with them. Don't waste your time on such insensitive people.

People have done that to me too. They try to act like my autism doesn't affect my mental and emotional health. They will say that everyone feels down sometimes. Sure they do, but my depression makes it difficult to function on a daily basis. My struggles with socializing and communication are big part of why I struggle with anxiety and depression. I hate being made to feel like my feelings don't matter.

Most neurotypical's struggle to relate to the problems Autistic people face sadly and think we can just pull ourselves together. This is why I'm realising how important it is to try to befriend others on the spectrum.

I've been hearing this since about high school and I always knew it was BS. If this were true, then everyone around me would be just as different as me or worse but instead all I saw were normal kids and adults and no one acting crazy and not everyone had deformed figures or different behavior. Maybe they are on a different page when they say everyone's got problems. I don't think they mean disorders or a disability or mental illness.

if it makes you feel any better, at the end of it all, humanity will eventually die, so nothing will ever matter

some people have diabetes, some people have cancer, some people have schizophrenia, some people are minorities and thus discriminated against, for their race or sexuality; some people have ceberal palsy, some people have down syndrome

I have autism

People telling me other people has problems makes me feel less alone. However, if someone says that meaning I can just pick myself up and be happy I don't have someone elses's problem, I feel like I am being belittled, like my problem isn't as bad or worthy of time as those other peoples' problems

I'm neither happy nor sad that "other people have problems" I don't interpret it to mean I can just cheer myself up and just be less nervous, like people have said to me, or saying they stand in solidarity with me, saying they too are like me when they don't see my autism because of the masks I put on, they don't see how I can be autistic.

But I still appreciate those people for being who they are, their lives are sacred too and if they say derrogoratory, discrimitating, patronizing things, try not to listen. Some people are like that because they think they are helping.

thanks for everyone that answered on this thread, i feel a little better now. for me its really a derrogatory term to me, cause i have too many problems like misophonia, my memory and focus are not very good, so its extra hard to me live in society. i notice that some of you guys may have a more or less autism, more or less empathy. i guess the more of autism you had, the more you will find this words offensive or not. well thats it. thx guys.