How to cope with loneliness?
Hi all.
Currently im 20 years old and I'm studying for university exam at home. This exam is important for me.
But on the other hand i feel lonely. Because of my social problems, i cant make friendships with people. To be honest, i rarely go out and be in social groups. I'm afraid of talking to people. Even if people start a conversation with me, i cant take it forward.
As a result;
- I have actually 0 friends. I'm actively talking only with my family.
- I'm a person like a robot, according to other people.
- I'm usually at home.
And, it's not a problem to be usually at home, for me. The problem is LONELINESS. None of my old friends text's or calls me. Only 1 friend texted me on my birthday. I'm starting to think i'm a hated person. So i dont want to disturb people, i dont talk to them. I dont know if they will reply if i text them.
What would you suggest? Please give me some advices. I tried psychological therapy 2 or 3 years ago, it's pointless. Nothing changed in my life. I'm taking antidepressants as well. They are also pointless. But i get worse when i dont take them. They may be helpful for me.
Thanks for taking time to read. I'm waiting for replies. And i know... I posted many other threads about this, but I really dont know what to do. Please help me.
Just one point to make from your first post. You say that your old friends don't call or text you. Do you call or text them? I have found that if you don't initiate contact, they will often assume you're not interested. I've done the same myself. Call a few and arrange a meal out, for instance.
I find it difficult to talk to people, but you do have to make the effort to meet them halfway. Things will get better at university, you will meet a load of people who are looking for new friends. When I first went they had a freshers' week and the ooportunity to join all kinds of clubs for special interests... chess, debating, martial arts, skiiing etc etc. This is a good start.
_________________
Steve J
Unkind tongue, right ill hast thou me rendered
For such desert to do me wreak and shame
Ichinin
Veteran
Joined: 3 Apr 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,653
Location: A cold place with lots of blondes.
Please stay on your meds. They're clearly helping you.
Yes; once you get to uni, things will change.
I suggest using this time to study up and practice communication skills; particularly active listening and nonverbal communication. I know it feels awkward, contrived, and stilted, but so does any newly acquired skill. Take speech and communication courses once you get there. Practice, practice, practice at every opportunity.
I would also get out of the house and get desensitized to being among crowds of people. I attended a really big uni, and that was really hard for me.
My uni had a student mental health facility, which provided a lot of help and support. Avail yourself of any resources available; sooner, not later.
Best of luck to you!
Thanks for replies. Today i realized why i can't talk to people:
1st reason: I don't know what their reaction will be. Yes, maybe they will feel disturbed if i talk with them. i dont want to disturb people. If i text them, they probably won't reply.
2nd reason: being disgraced.
Yes, i have autism and dont have communication skills. I may be disgraced.
I can't even ask for directions when walking outside. Can i solve my problems?
Ichinin
Veteran
Joined: 3 Apr 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,653
Location: A cold place with lots of blondes.
Just ask "Hey, do you know where <place> is"? If you get a helpful response, thank them, otherwise just say "ok" and move on to the next person who may help you.
Worst thing that can happen when asking for help is people getting angry, but they will have forgotten about it in about a week, so no biggie really.
Unless you take charge and try to come out of your "autism bubble", you will be stuck there for the rest of your life.
_________________
"It is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring" (Carl Sagan)
Just ask "Hey, do you know where <place> is"? If you get a helpful response, thank them, otherwise just say "ok" and move on to the next person who may help you.
Worst thing that can happen when asking for help is people getting angry, but they will have forgotten about it in about a week, so no biggie really.
Unless you take charge and try to come out of your "autism bubble", you will be stuck there for the rest of your life.
A good start. Small steps... build up confidence.
_________________
Steve J
Unkind tongue, right ill hast thou me rendered
For such desert to do me wreak and shame
I don't text them. But i followed some old friends on social media. They followed back but never messaged me. I dont think they assume im not interested. I'm interested but they are not.
Durake
Emu Egg
Joined: 24 Jan 2018
Age: 23
Gender: Male
Posts: 6
Location: Dallas, Texas, United States of America
Helllooo!
This sounds almost identical to my situation right now, I'm 17 and I don't make friendships with people (because I feel I can't), the only time I go out into a "social group" is with my youth group at church, which is every week on Wednesday and even then I stick to the walls, and avoid people unless I feel really comfortable around them. Sometimes somebody will say "Hey Drake! How are you?" when I walk in before I can get to "my spot" in the back where I feel comfortable. When someone talks to me I feel really.. Eh, uncomfortable I guess. I'll respond with a quick "Good, how are you?" and then end the conversation there because I can't think of something to ask back aside from returning the question of "How are you?" so..
I only have online friends, I have a couple of friends in person but a majority of my friends are around the United States in other States far away. But I'm okay with that!
Same thing man, I had 1 person text me and that is my other aspie friend. Do you text people on their birthdays or special occasions that you celebrate? That may be a good spot to start.
As far as thinking you are hated, try not to make assumptions. As easy as it is to just jump there, avoid it. If you tell yourself that then it'll just go around in a circle in your head until that is the only thing your brain see's as a reason.
You gotta make an effort to at least try, and if they don't reply quickly or in a day, don't worry. Don't let those assumptions start forming. I sometimes get so busy doing my own thing I often forget to check my phone or accidentally leave it on silent and end up missing messages and phone calls.
Keep taking those meds, I remember I had to take oh my.. A handful when I woke up, huge nasty pills and I hated it! But they helped me and it took me a while to realize that, so you seeing that they already are helping you is something I wish I could've saw immediately. But it took time.
Unfortunately when I was in Middle School I liked this girl, word got around and she liked me back. But it was my autistic blow ups I had that ended up making her not like me.. As unfortunate as that sounds, I'm fortunate that did happen because I don't want to be with someone who doesn't accept me and want to help me, much less Middle School dating won't last long anyhow..
Keep your head up, because I'm in that same empty boat as you are, just across the world..
_________________
Amateur Radio Operator
K5DUR / WQXR714
"There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure." - Collin Powell
This sounds almost identical to my situation right now, I'm 17 and I don't make friendships with people (because I feel I can't), the only time I go out into a "social group" is with my youth group at church, which is every week on Wednesday and even then I stick to the walls, and avoid people unless I feel really comfortable around them. Sometimes somebody will say "Hey Drake! How are you?" when I walk in before I can get to "my spot" in the back where I feel comfortable. When someone talks to me I feel really.. Eh, uncomfortable I guess. I'll respond with a quick "Good, how are you?" and then end the conversation there because I can't think of something to ask back aside from returning the question of "How are you?" so..
I only have online friends, I have a couple of friends in person but a majority of my friends are around the United States in other States far away. But I'm okay with that!
Same thing man, I had 1 person text me and that is my other aspie friend. Do you text people on their birthdays or special occasions that you celebrate? That may be a good spot to start.
As far as thinking you are hated, try not to make assumptions. As easy as it is to just jump there, avoid it. If you tell yourself that then it'll just go around in a circle in your head until that is the only thing your brain see's as a reason.
You gotta make an effort to at least try, and if they don't reply quickly or in a day, don't worry. Don't let those assumptions start forming. I sometimes get so busy doing my own thing I often forget to check my phone or accidentally leave it on silent and end up missing messages and phone calls.
Keep taking those meds, I remember I had to take oh my.. A handful when I woke up, huge nasty pills and I hated it! But they helped me and it took me a while to realize that, so you seeing that they already are helping you is something I wish I could've saw immediately. But it took time.
Unfortunately when I was in Middle School I liked this girl, word got around and she liked me back. But it was my autistic blow ups I had that ended up making her not like me.. As unfortunate as that sounds, I'm fortunate that did happen because I don't want to be with someone who doesn't accept me and want to help me, much less Middle School dating won't last long anyhow..
Keep your head up, because I'm in that same empty boat as you are, just across the world..
Thanks for your reply. To be honest, all my friends became "old friends" because I haven't met them since high school. I'm sure they are talking and meeting with each other, except me. So I feel left out.
On the other hand it's hard for me to meet new people. And I don't know what to do now. I doubt if everything stays the same when i get to university.
Sea Breeze
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 25 Jan 2018
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Posts: 57
Location: Sweden
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