How many female auties/aspies talk too much?

Post Reply New Topic

K, so I'm wondering how many female auties/aspies out there-- rather than being a quiet wall flower-- talk too much? Wondering if some of the gender trends in humans also apply to autism as well.

***inquiring minds want to know***

It depends

I used to have ‘selective mutism’ (which is not voluntary/consciously selective let me tell you!! !!)

Now I talk a lot too much because I want to break out of that now that I hav ‘found my voice’
But at times I lapse into mutism again and can’t speak

I picked "an appropriate amount," but it varies. I don't have the anxiety about it, but I'm an extrovert who is frequently mistaken as an introvert. So it's seen as an appropriate amount for a nice introverted female. It's not how much I talk, but what I say, that throws people off. (For example, asking what blood type the Nile was during the first plague.)

I don’t talk too much, but I do talk too much about “negative” things, when really I want to talk about something that is interesting to me, like climate change. It feels like I have to hold back on topics like that.

When I was younger and undiagnosed I loved to talk about my interests to anyone who would listen, so naturally I talked too much. But after my diagnosis and when I got a little older I stopped doing it as much and I either talk a normal amount or not much at all. I'm often trying to think of something to say that isn't stupid or cringy or that the other person might be interested in hearing, so naturally I'll go for several minutes without talking at all.

Which is weird, because when I'm at home I'll often find something fascinating that I can't wait to talk to someone about, and I'll rehearse saying it over and over, but when I finally *do* get to talk to them it'll no longer feel mentioning.

If I'm with somebody I'm comfortable with, like family, partner and close friends, I can be very chatty, but I'm not the sort to talk 'too much' as in saying the wrong thing or not listening to others or interrupting. But if I was to meet you for the first time I don't talk much but I talk enough to be friendly and easy to get on with. Many people also say I'm easy to talk to. I'm quieter in a crowd but I do speak up more than I used to, and I can join in a joke. I am overcoming my shyness.

I don't talk a lot in person. I talked a little more when I was little, but I've become quieter over the years.

Be very careful when considering "gender trends" in language use...

- Language Log: An invented statistic returns. "There has never been any "study" showing that "women talk almost three times as much as men", although this non-existent "research" has been cited by dozens of science writers, relationship counselors, celebrity preachers, and other people in the habit of claiming non-existent authoritative support for their personal impressions." (I picked this particular post because it has a good selection of links to other, related, ones.)

- Jezebel: The Whole 'Women Talk More Than Men' Thing Is a Myth. "Without any actual data to support the theory that women talk more than men, the claim is simply anecdotal. Ultimately, anybody who thinks that women talk too much probably just doesn't like what women are saying."

In short, the perception that someone talks "too much" says as much, if not more, about the listener than the speaker - and the scarce scientific evidence seems to show that the supposed "gender differences" are little more than confirmation bias.

I’m glad about this. I never liked that “research”, it somehow made women seem needy or lesser-than, or just talking mostly twoddle. Have to admit I agree with the latter when it’s about babies!

I find it easy to talk about a subject of interest, but difficult to talk when I get nervous.

It depends, for me. I really only have two modes - one, you have to work hard to pry even two intelligible words from me (due to social anxiety and selective mutism), and two, I will not shut up (once I've gotten comfortable with someone and/or one of my favorite topics comes up). I think recently I've sort of started to develop a median between them, but it usually still veers toward one side or the other - I pretty much never talk "the right amount."

With me it varies depending on what I may be experiencing emotionally.

I can talk way too much or I kinda, shut off&go quiet.

I keep getting sudden bouts of hyper activity, so sometimes, I talk too much, way too much and then at times, I can go the opposite. Hope this helps.

Interesting that people have the dead silent vs loud thing, I can be very much like that. I’m not as bad as I used to be, though with someone I really like that all flies out the window.

None of the poll options really describe me. In any social situation involving two or more other people I am just unable to say anything. It isn't social anxiety. I just don't have the ability to join in a complex conversation especially if it is just social chit chat. If it is just me and one other person I can usually manage a few sentences although I prefer the other person to take the lead and ask questions.

If however I were to meet someone obsessed with northern hemisphere seabirds, or various other things related to the sea, things might be different. But I never seem to meet people who are interested in stuff in the same way that I am so I hardly ever manage to have a proper conversation with anyone.

I talk easily with people I feel comfortable with (my family doctor, psychiatrist, auti-coach). But it's not a real conversation. It's more question-answer style. They ask, I reply. But my replies are longer than just "yes" or "no". If they ask me "how are things ?", I can answer extensively. Sometimes, I can't stop talking at all.

I have to be in familiar surroundings. Always the same chair, psych/coach at the other side of the table. If I would meet those people in other surroundings, let's say in a pub, or in the supermarket, I would probably not say a word or even pretend not to see them.

I'm no good in small talk with anyone.

I think I didn't do that because I grew up with an older brother who is also aspie, and as a younger sibling I admired my older brother and would rather let him talk about his interests, though I often didn't understand them (I think he started programming when he was five). He didn't talk much, but I knew what topics to bring up if I wanted him to talk to me.