Social interaction - gender preference (question)

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blackholenullvoid
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22 May 2019, 12:45 am

I'm a male, and I dislike spending time with other males. Is it typical for an adult male with Asperger's to prefer interacting with the opposite gender, even if he has no sexual interest in the girls?



PurpleReject
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22 May 2019, 12:55 am

I don't know if it's typical, but I'm the exact same way: I've never been too comfortable interacting with males and am the most socially open around females.

Then again, I'm not a very "masculine" guy: I'm very sensitive, not into typical "masculine" things like sports...that could explain it.



blackholenullvoid
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22 May 2019, 12:58 am

PurpleReject wrote:
I don't know if it's typical, but I'm the exact same way: I've never been too comfortable interacting with males and am the most socially open around females.

Then again, I'm not a very "masculine" guy: I'm very sensitive, not into typical "masculine" things like sports...that could explain it.


My issue isn't whether I'm able to connect with them (via masculine interests), but that I despise their behavior. Men are much less agreeable, more aggressive and rude, and so on.

Have you found this to also be much of an issue?

Note: I wouldn't say I'm very sensitive, but I feel like I'm wasting my time with men.



PurpleReject
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22 May 2019, 2:19 am

blackholenullvoid wrote:
My issue isn't whether I'm able to connect with them (via masculine interests), but that I despise their behavior. Men are much less agreeable, more aggressive and rude, and so on.

Have you found this to also be much of an issue?

Note: I wouldn't say I'm very sensitive, but I feel like I'm wasting my time with men.


Oh, in that case, I have not. Granted, I think there's just something generally off-putting about the stereotypical "alpha male" kind of personality anyways. The males in my own social circle are definitely not that, they run the gamut from "average, mild-mannered man" to weirder artsy types, but they're undeniably "male" in behavior, even if they're not acting rude or macho in the way that you describe. I'm certainly not avoidant of ALL men, but with women, though, I just feel much more comfortable around them, much more open, even if they're very butch or masculine. Like, for example, I could never have a male therapist, I would only feel comfortable with a female. I can't really explain it.



y-pod
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22 May 2019, 4:58 am

PurpleReject wrote:
blackholenullvoid wrote:
My issue isn't whether I'm able to connect with them (via masculine interests), but that I despise their behavior. Men are much less agreeable, more aggressive and rude, and so on.

Have you found this to also be much of an issue?

Note: I wouldn't say I'm very sensitive, but I feel like I'm wasting my time with men.


Oh, in that case, I have not. Granted, I think there's just something generally off-putting about the stereotypical "alpha male" kind of personality anyways. The males in my own social circle are definitely not that, they run the gamut from "average, mild-mannered man" to weirder artsy types, but they're undeniably "male" in behavior, even if they're not acting rude or macho in the way that you describe. I'm certainly not avoidant of ALL men, but with women, though, I just feel much more comfortable around them, much more open, even if they're very butch or masculine. Like, for example, I could never have a male therapist, I would only feel comfortable with a female. I can't really explain it.


You must have known some nice girls. I know quite a few tough ladies who could shred sensitive people to bits. :D As for me, I could destroy someone, but I wouldn't.

I do tend to socialize with other women better as well. I feel guys just looked at my body too much to really listen. That should improve when I become old. :D That's one of the perks of aging - freedom from the opposite sex. Women are also better at lying so they say nice things instead of the truth. Many women are friends but don't really know each other much, because they always pretended to be normal nice girls.


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22 May 2019, 6:22 am

I'm also a guy who is more comfortable around women and it has little to do with sexual attraction.. I attribute this to several factors:

No male siblings.
I was raised mostly by my mother.
I was clumsy and I didn't/don't like sports.
Women are usually more interesting to listen to and to be around for me because I'm not a woman. They're intriguing and still have an air of mystery to me.
Women are generally more caring and nurturing.
If they talk to each other about typically female related things I don't care about, it's no big deal. If men talk about typically male related things, there's an expectation that I should be interested as well (e.g. sports).

I could probably think of more reasons.



breaks0
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22 May 2019, 6:30 am

blackholenullvoid wrote:
I'm a male, and I dislike spending time with other males. Is it typical for an adult male with Asperger's to prefer interacting with the opposite gender, even if he has no sexual interest in the girls?

No idea what is typical but I've been that way for the most part for a long time probably going back at least to my last breakup about 20 years ago. I don't always feel that way and there are some guys and some social settings where I'm cool hanging out with mainly other dudes mainly when I have something or some activity in common with them. In my case like politics or my ASD support group. And as I hopefully make more friends of both genders in the future it'll become less of an issue for me. But for now partly because I also have so few friends let alone ones who are women and because of how most American guys are, I do prefer being around women if I have the choice. I think I have more in common with them in terms of my interests anyway like art which I'm into even though I have no creative skills myself. I know this is stereotyping and my apologies to any readers who may be offended but I think in general women are smarter, kinder, more mature, more sensitive and compassionate, more politically progressive or lefty, among other things than men anyway. I'd just rather be around them primarily most of the time. Oh and another political point: because women are an oppressed community in this patriarchal society and because I am part of one as well with this annoying disability, I think that helps me identify more with women personally and politically.



blackholenullvoid
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22 May 2019, 1:14 pm

breaks0 wrote:
more politically progressive or lefty, among other things than men anyway. I'd just rather be around them primarily most of the time. Oh and another political point: because women are an oppressed community in this patriarchal society and because I am part of one as well with this annoying disability, I think that helps me identify more with women personally and politically.


Note: you first brought politics into this, with definitive statements about society (which includes and affects me).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hiVQ8vrGA_8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IBuCm0a ... be&t=7m16s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8w4OXOXDcNM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhA7TJTEpGE

https://youtu.be/G8WhMXeYfEI?t=455 - 17 seconds



breaks0
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22 May 2019, 3:57 pm

I may watch your videos, I can't atm. You asked a question and I agreed w/your basic premise based on my own experience, while also giving reasons why I feel that way. Feel free to disagree.



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22 May 2019, 6:20 pm

For those who fit traditional "gender roles", there are clear pros and cons of each. I have my prejudices, but I suppose it would depend on the individual first. I appreciate the way women tend to take an interest in people, especially the well-intentioned among them. I appreciate the way men tend to take an interest in situations and things outside the person, especially the well-intentioned among them.

Overall I have a slight bias towards women, since men have let me down more, but I appreciate each.



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22 May 2019, 6:55 pm

As a gynotropic cis-male, I'm naturally attracted to women, so of course I prefer to interact socially with women.


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The Grand Inquisitor
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22 May 2019, 9:35 pm

Most of my friends have always been male. I've had very few close female friends, so I can't speak to whether I prefer female or male friends, but based on the friends I have and have had, it would seem that I'm preferred by males. These days there's only one or two guys I hang out with. Most of the time I just keep to myself.

My only psychologist was female, and my only personal trainer was female, so again I dont have much of a comparison there, however I have had both a male and female physiotherapist before and I'd have to say I prefer female physiotherapists. I have a male doctor, which I'd say I probably prefer simply because of the potential of male health issues, but otherwise I'd probably prefer a female.

I would say I probably prefer females in situations where they have a higher status, particularly in caring roles, or roles where the focus is on helping me, and I'd imagine this would be the case because my childhood was mostly filled with female authority figures. I was raised by a single mother, the relative I saw second-most was my grandmother. As far as I can recall, all of the kindergarten workers were female. The teachers I had at a place I called "taxi school" (for autistic kids) which I went to on some days instead of preschool, had all women teachers. From preschool until 6th grade, all my teachers and teacher aides were female, with the exception of one teacher aide I started seeing in fourth grade who was male (which reminds me, in school I liked male teacher aides better). So wouldnt be particularly surprising that I would prefer caring female authority figures since that's all I really experienced until 10 years old.



Exuvian
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22 May 2019, 9:52 pm

For the first 5 years of school, every single teacher I had was female, so the novelty of having a male teacher for the first time was exciting. I had about as many female as male teachers that I liked though, so no real preference there.



Mona Pereth
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22 May 2019, 10:27 pm

Most of my closest friends over the years have been women, but in general I tend to get along better with men than with women.

Most of my closest friends have been women because, for me, friendships starts with having things in common, and being of the same sex is just one more thing we can have in common.

On the other hand, outside of my closest friendships, I've tended to get along better with men because men tend to be more assertive, whereas women are more likely to expect me to pick up on subtle hints, which I am lousy at.


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23 May 2019, 8:32 am

One of my greatest fears is a room full of other men. I can't play along. I am much more comfortable with women.



kraftiekortie
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23 May 2019, 8:57 am

It depends upon the specific man or woman.

I don't like interacting with men who like to lambaste women just for the heck of it.

Same for women who like to lambaste men just for the heck of it.