I’m an aspie who is good with people, is this weird?

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aquafelix
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18 Aug 2019, 8:14 am

I’ve only recently got an ASD diagnosis which was a big surprise. You see, I’ve worked as a psychotherapist for a long time and I’m told I have good empathy, which a lot of people on the spectrum seem to have trouble with.

I’ve always been ultra-sensitive to others emotions, but only with one person at a time. I get overwhelmed counselling couples or running groups. I now work almost exclusively with children, who are more fun and less work to decipher (if a child or a teenager hates you it’s easy to tell, adults are too polite). I think my job is good and I do it well and I really like to help people.

But I'm currently cautious about telling too many people. An autistic therapist almost seems an oxymoron. How would you feel about seeing a therapist on the spectrum, or allowing your kid to see one?



smudge
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18 Aug 2019, 8:19 am

Why would you need to tell them about anything? The therapy is for them, not for you. It isn't about you. I don't mean that in a put-you-down way, I mean they don't need to know, and therapy is all about listening and dealing with their struggles.

How do you feel it would benefit you to tell your colleagues? How much do they know about autism?


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18 Aug 2019, 8:52 am

Autism doesn't affect empathy. That is just an outdated myth that needs to be demolished. You can have autism and be able to show empathy to others.


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aquafelix
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18 Aug 2019, 9:13 am

smudge wrote:
Why would you need to tell them about anything? The therapy is for them, not for you. It isn't about you. I don't mean that in a put-you-down way, I mean they don't need to know, and therapy is all about listening and dealing with their struggles.

How do you feel it would benefit you to tell your colleagues? How much do they know about autism?


I know I don't need to tell anyone anything. But, I want to. I've told most of my colleagues and even some of my clients and they have been nothing but supportive, if not a little confused. It's also been a relief to just be myself more and not have the burden of hiding.



Prometheus18
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18 Aug 2019, 9:14 am

^Empathy is impaired in those who suffer with autism, but it's a qualitative, rather than quantitative impairment.


For my own part, I feel rather like the OP in many ways. I'm perfectly able to get along with people when I want to.



aquafelix
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18 Aug 2019, 9:16 am

Joe90 wrote:
Autism doesn't affect empathy. That is just an outdated myth that needs to be demolished. You can have autism and be able to show empathy to others.


I know that autism doesn't affect empathy, but it's a myth that plenty of people still believe



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18 Aug 2019, 9:22 am

aquafelix wrote:
smudge wrote:
Why would you need to tell them about anything? The therapy is for them, not for you. It isn't about you. I don't mean that in a put-you-down way, I mean they don't need to know, and therapy is all about listening and dealing with their struggles.

How do you feel it would benefit you to tell your colleagues? How much do they know about autism?


I know I don't need to tell anyone anything. But, I want to. I've told most of my colleagues and even some of my clients and they have been nothing but supportive, if not a little confused. It's also been a relief to just be myself more and not have the burden of hiding.


I don't want to know a thing about my therapist. I believe in maintaining a formal - and one way- relationship. If my dr or therapist were to start telling me about themselves I'd feel uncomfortable. You are not their friend, you are a professional provider.

I'll caveat this by saying if you are counseling ASD clients it could be good to reveal. If not, it's TMI.



Last edited by red_doghubb on 18 Aug 2019, 9:26 am, edited 1 time in total.

Prometheus18
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18 Aug 2019, 9:25 am

red_doghubb wrote:
aquafelix wrote:
smudge wrote:
Why would you need to tell them about anything? The therapy is for them, not for you. It isn't about you. I don't mean that in a put-you-down way, I mean they don't need to know, and therapy is all about listening and dealing with their struggles.

How do you feel it would benefit you to tell your colleagues? How much do they know about autism?



I know I don't need to tell anyone anything. But, I want to. I've told most of my colleagues and even some of my clients and they have been nothing but supportive, if not a little confused. It's also been a relief to just be myself more and not have the burden of hiding.


I don't want to know a thing about my therapist. I believe in maintaining a formal - and one way- relationship. If my dr or therapist were to start telling me about themselves I'd feel uncomfortable. You are not their friend, you are a professional provider.


Yes, I can't stand the culture of disclosure/informality there is with such things now. With medical professionals, we're both "Mr." X and Y - and I don't want to know about his personal life and I don't want him turning up in a t-shirt or jeans.



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18 Aug 2019, 9:28 am

I have a long career during which people have found me to be very empathetic and supportive. It is interesting to me that I am very good at relating to people with disabilities, and nonverbal autists...and this is before I realized I was an aspie

I am not good in relating to multiple people at the same time. Parents often interfere with my relating to their autist child than in listening to them :D


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kmarie57
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18 Aug 2019, 9:32 am

red_doghubb wrote:
I don't want to know a thing about my therapist. I believe in maintaining a formal - and one way- relationship. If my dr or therapist were to start telling me about themselves I'd feel uncomfortable. You are not their friend, you are a professional provider.


My therapist never volunteers information about himself, however, whenever I have asked questions regarding his personal life, he has answered them without any issue. I know we are not friends, but I like that he will answer those questions of mine. He has noticed that sometimes I do that as a method to get into a topic that I am otherwise having difficulty bringing up for myself.



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18 Aug 2019, 9:36 am

kmarie57 wrote:
red_doghubb wrote:
I don't want to know a thing about my therapist. I believe in maintaining a formal - and one way- relationship. If my dr or therapist were to start telling me about themselves I'd feel uncomfortable. You are not their friend, you are a professional provider.


My therapist never volunteers information about himself, however, whenever I have asked questions regarding his personal life, he has answered them without any issue. I know we are not friends, but I like that he will answer those questions of mine. He has noticed that sometimes I do that as a method to get into a topic that I am otherwise having difficulty bringing up for myself.



which is as it should be. His answering voluntarily is different than him telling you unprompted. I still don't think a therapist should be talking about his life with a patient- unless it's incredibly relevant in the moment- but each to his own.



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18 Aug 2019, 9:45 am

aquafelix wrote:
I’ve only recently got an ASD diagnosis which was a big surprise. You see, I’ve worked as a psychotherapist for a long time and I’m told I have good empathy, which a lot of people on the spectrum seem to have trouble with.

I’ve always been ultra-sensitive to others emotions, but only with one person at a time. I get overwhelmed counselling couples or running groups. I now work almost exclusively with children, who are more fun and less work to decipher (if a child or a teenager hates you it’s easy to tell, adults are too polite). I think my job is good and I do it well and I really like to help people.

But I'm currently cautious about telling too many people. An autistic therapist almost seems an oxymoron. How would you feel about seeing a therapist on the spectrum, or allowing your kid to see one?


I can only speak for myself. I do have difficulties with empathy. I feel empathy very strongly for others but I'm not very good at working out what other people are thinking and feeling. In a world where people just told the truth about their feelings I'd be a strong empath because I do care, a lot. But communication, especially with adults, is complex and I can sometimes miss what people are really trying to say when they use subtext rather than explicit language. I work primarily with children and they are generally much clearer about their feelings than adults so I do well at my job.

I can see why you might be cautious about telling people about your ASD. I am a teacher and I face similar issues in that area. Some of the children I teach are on the Spectrum too and I find it easier than my colleagues to get alongside them and find ways to help their learning. Colleagues that I trust, know about it, as do all the senior management team but other than that I'm quite private about it. So long as I do my job well and professionally I think that's fine.


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Edna3362
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18 Aug 2019, 9:46 am

Been in such role for several times now both online and offline, everyone trusted me on certain matters once upon a time. It's no surprise to me.
I can even go beyond that by connecting connections, mediating, cultivating networks, fixing miscommunications (an even bigger irony) and at some point merging social circles.

Sometimes it's a headache, but I do enjoyed doing it.


My own drawbacks though? I'm losing verbal abilities lately, my short term memory got worse and I could barely able to get hold of the bigger picture unlike before.
And I'm asocial in nature. :lol: I don't truly sought out these things even if I'm capable and enjoying it.


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SharonB
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18 Aug 2019, 9:53 am

I am a highly feeling, empathetic, *expressive* person. I am considered to by "warm". Probably why I had to initially self-diagnose ASD. It came up for me when my more stereotypical *unexpressive* daughter showed ASD traits. Even so, she is also highly empathetic. I guess the idea is that we process empathy differently than NTs, not that we don't have it.

I thought most counselors are in the profession because it's close to their hearts or minds? So you're a perfect fit that way. Funny thing for me: I did the cliché thing and even though I was an engineer, I STUDIED psychology and communication. I got the highest grade on a communication paper: I analyzed meeting my boyfriend's parents for the first time. Perhaps unusual, but valid. When I'm in my element, I am an excellent communicator. When I am out of my element, I got nothing. My personality mostly bounces back and forth from Champion to Mentor, but Counselor comes up from time to time.

There is social awareness that many Professors are ASD. As the "unfeeling" (unexpressive) ASD stereotype is put aside, now perhaps we'll discover that many Counselors are ASD also!



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18 Aug 2019, 1:29 pm

Autism doesn't make you an misanthrope. That's just a stereotype. A LOT of autistic people are people lovers.


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aquafelix
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18 Aug 2019, 5:13 pm

red_doghubb wrote:
aquafelix wrote:
smudge wrote:
Why would you need to tell them about anything? The therapy is for them, not for you. It isn't about you. I don't mean that in a put-you-down way, I mean they don't need to know, and therapy is all about listening and dealing with their struggles.

How do you feel it would benefit you to tell your colleagues? How much do they know about autism?


I know I don't need to tell anyone anything. But, I want to. I've told most of my colleagues and even some of my clients and they have been nothing but supportive, if not a little confused. It's also been a relief to just be myself more and not have the burden of hiding.


I don't want to know a thing about my therapist. I believe in maintaining a formal - and one way- relationship. If my dr or therapist were to start telling me about themselves I'd feel uncomfortable. You are not their friend, you are a professional provider.

I'll caveat this by saying if you are counseling ASD clients it could be good to reveal. If not, it's TMI.


I've only told ASD clients, and then that was only in the context of their needs. Eg a teen with ASD who had been told that her dream of becoming a therapist was unrealistic due to her ASD