How Does Masking Work?

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I read a lot on Tumblr about self diagnosed autistics who mask their traits, apparently doing things like stifling stimming and meltdowns when they’re around other people. How do people do this? I can never control those kinds of things, they happen whether I like it or not.

I think it depends on the combination of frequency, severity, "alert" systems, training and a bunch of other things I didn't think of.

My mom is ASD-like (as was her mother) and taught me to "hide". I was happy and "myself" until I went to school. Then in order to "behave" (reserved, shutdown) at school I would come home and whine and cry. I cried a lot. As an adolescent then adult I studied acting, psychology and communication to help manage my expectations and mannerisms. As an actor, I was taught how to walk, how to talk, what typical reactions are, etc. These days I let the emotions flow so it doesn't build to outburst level as much. Even so, to handle work my agitation level is super high and I am "on edge", but generally have time to escape before a meltdown. At home, I'm trying to note when my agitation gets above a 6 and reduce my stress. Soooo, a generation later and I started "teaching" my daughter these things at age 3. Even so, I see the cost to her and we are going to explore her stressors soon. Privately she flaps her hands (excitement, anxiety, etc.) near constantly. She is mostly suppressing it at school (for example, by biting her nails, as I did), but when I pick her up early and she steps from the classroom (by herself) - she is a frenzy of flapping - her arms going up and down while shaking her hands. Pent-up stim. So, I suppose some folks can suppress it if overstimulation stays below an 8 --- and/or quickly leave the public view (like when I whisked my daughter away when she freaked out at her birthday -sensory- and started spitting on the cake, or at a different birthday party when I freaked out -sensory- but managed to step outside first, albeit I said something inappropriate first, but it was so loud I hope not too many folks heard).

I figure there are Pros and Cons to masking more or less --- always "balance". Would you want to mask more? I want to mask less. I am darn near delusional b/c of my masking (who am I?! !! !! !! !!)

My dad has a medical condition and is upset about some of his medical happenings and I'm like: at least you had a warning (symptoms, opportunity to preventative care), some people don't get warnings. I take you would relate to those that don't get warnings.

It probably depends on the severity of the autism. Easier for some with mild autism. Which is why they are self diagnosed. They were able to mask well enough to have gone undetected. Probably since early childhood without really realizing it.

I thnk in most cases no matter how easy masking comes there is underlying strain involved.

Last edited by EzraS on 02 Feb 2020, 10:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I've only had meltdowns when I have a tremendous amount of stress. The last ones were two decades ago.

These days I get to unwind in my garden after work. No weed is safe in my yard!

Autisic meltdowns are not that common in mild / high functioning autism. For those with more severe autism a meltdown can occur when everything seems to be going alright. A little too much background noise, a little too much light, a little too much going on around them and bam a meltdown is triggered.

That's interesting, I guess I didn't know that, I thought meltdowns were pretty common across the spectrum. Mine are the same way, they can come out of nowhere based on the littlest thing, and once the build-up hits, almost nothing can stop it. Same with stimming. I'm pretty much always doing it before I realize it, or I don't notice it at all. I didn't realize people on the higher functioning end of the spectrum had an easier time controlling this.

I can't fully suppress stimming, but sometimes I can switch to a more subtle stim. For example, if I'm sitting at a table in a restaurant, I might be able to switch from rocking to jiggling my leg under the table. I also tend to get some warning when a meltdown is approaching, sort of like building tension in my head, so I can at least step outside or try to isolate myself before it happens. I don't think I can actually mask, but I can take these measures to try to avoid drawing attention to myself.

It's good advice you are getting from everyone else--Ezra S. is right about the severity of the autism, and dragons is doing pretty good with ways to pick a more subtle stim.

A caution--there is a great deal of fashion in Tumblr (that's a website I stay off of) and a lot of people are using autism as an excuse to be "quirky" and "unique." It's sad because we are all unique, but they want to be who they're not. Sometimes folks are using autism as a fashionable disease for artsy types, just as tuberculosis was considered romantic and artsy and even sexy in the Victorian period. (Gross.)

Now all that aside, a trick I found for masking was to watch old movies and study the actors in them. It's easy to mask if you act--for example, Harold Lloyd had to pretend he wasn't Harold Lloyd in order to play the characters he came up with for some of his old silent comedies. In Safety Last! he was an office clerk, in Girl Shy he was a tailor--with crippling anxiety issues and insecurities over a speech impediment--, in Grandma's Boy he wasn't a brave man, and in Why Worry? he was a wealthy playboy turned hypochondriac who had to make a man of himself when a situation went wrong. And in all these films it was the same fellow acting but he had to come up with a different persona for each one.

I'd suggest you could solve some of the masking trouble on one of those chilly winters' nights with something nice to eat, a quiet room, and a trip to YouTube to watch some of those movies. Robert Israel's scores make them a lot more entertaining and the films were recently restored so you don't have to sit through a scratched-up flickering mess.

When I was younger not being normal came with a price: getting beaten up at home until I acted normal and long times in the corner or alone in a room (years). When I was in high school I learned what others said and did and had to to suppress myself at the cost of increased anxiety, depression, and complete loss of mental faculties. Long term anxiety and depression can stem from long term rejection, etc... Plowing through burnouts just made them more frequent to the point of coupled with stress I am unable to control it at all. I have always gone in between ASP <-> HFA <-> near level 2 ASD. One reason for masking is the attempt to survive 'normal' society and appear like everyone else to prevent further rejection and being made fun of. Embrace yourself and don't mask people. It is not worth it in the long run.

^Can relate unfortunately.

Startrekker
You have your differences highlighted to you and experience various reinforcers that encourage you to tone down your way of being.
Like ABA being used to assist a person on the spectrum to appear more normal.

It's ironic how people mention "mild autism" here when in other threads it is claimed that there is no such thing as severity levels.

I don't mask 100%. I consider masking is keeping my cool when someone says something that offends me but is not supposed to be offensive. But I find I mask the most when I'm in public places because I find that the social rules are even "stricter" in public than they are when you're with your family or friends. I suppose it's because strangers only judge you from the outside, and are quick to judge you harshly for any little thing.

The only tenuous(?) conscious masking I have done is trying, though not overly well , to make eye contact when interacting with someone . I've never made much of an effort to be other than I really am . For better or for worse WYSIWYG with me .

Im a bus driver so i have to mask all day but every night i am so exhausted from it

Yeah: the concept of masking is new to me, but having heard it in retrospect I think I’ve been masking for large chunks of my life without realising it.

I had an extremely liberal upbringing: so if I handflapped like a pair of electric fans when excited at home it was just accepted... my parents found meltdowns harder to deal with, but I was never punished for them per se.

School was the environment that made it necessary: mostly just “don’t do that which has elicited violent, aggressive or humiliating responses in the past”
Which was physically and emotionally exhausting.

Result is as an adult I am fully myself at home, and I can sham normal responses well enough to pass as ‘eccentric’ for limited stretches of time (about 4hrs max), and I can be very sociable when in a secure environment, the rough rule of thumb I’ve established is that for every hour I spend ‘acting’ I have to then spend 2hrs in quiet and solitude to keep myself sane.

Think it should be noted that most NTs mask, most of the time: just to a lesser extent and it doesn’t seem to affect them as much.
Although I have sometimes wondered if the ‘mid-life crisis’ phenomena is related to this in some way.

What I meant is the out of the blue unpredictable autistic meltdown. I have thought of them as being like a seizure in that way coming on unexpectedly. They are often accompanied by disorientation while happening. And there is a foggy memory of what happened after the meltdown.

Then there is the situational kind of meltdown that happens as a result of being stressed out and overwhelmed. Which often gets mistaken as a tantrum. Those happen to most anyone on the spectrum.

August last year I had published this video sharing views on "Masking Autism". I do indeed cover how I suggest how masking would work and I even speak the opposite which is "Embracing Autism".