Taranos262 wrote:
Maybe im not really an Autist? But loneliness even hurts me. Its not healthy to isolate yourself forever. My biggest fear is actually dying lonely.
When I was your age it was too.
Then I went to university as a (slightly) mature student... and was surrounded by people most of the time, continually called upon to do social engagements (apparently I’m capable of being witty in a way NTs enjoy).
It was awful.
The social anxiety and sensory issues never went away, I was continually befuddled with little idea as to what was going on, and had no idea how to say no to anyone.
Turns out a social life isn’t good for me: I know my 20yr old self would rage at me for choosing to be generally reclusive and solitary most of the time: but it’s that or mental breakdown.
Plus, do you have any idea how boring most humans are?
Seriously: you can go through a massive struggle with yourself to have the courage to turn up at all, control the urge to scream at the sound system and stuff your nose with your fingers to block out the smell of their drunken sweatiness... and they just sit there shouting away in each other’s faces about what their aunt had for lunch yesterday, which actor may or may not be having an affair...
Total waste of life bothering with it: although, you’ll probably have to go and find that out for yourself. I wouldn’t have believed me at your age after all!