have you ever felt that you lose every argument?

Post Reply New Topic

I feel exhausted as though I am always being forced to change my opinion.

Maybe there are a lot of bad-faith arguers. Maybe I have low self-esteem.

No.
Not in my case.

I'm too prideful to simply let a lot of things be and not complain or not have a say in anything; or complain in ways I deem wrong and unreasonable.

Sure, anyone with enough emotional intelligence can exploit my pride and think I win or something.
But I might outgrow that sooner than many would assume.

What pisses me off is just being too emotional to argue or have language processing issues than 'confidence' and 'self worth'.
That's usually how I lose, sometimes even before it started because I get dysregulated or misinterpret things respectively.


But otherwise; I'm not a doormat. I can persuade people in a lot of trivial things even as a child.
And if I have my own way, I'd be way more reasonable and more rational than reactive.

Never had a chance to build real persuasion skills due to language processing issues and years of emotional lability.


Though, I might be going there someday.

Except my language processing won't be improving much anytime soon.

But my reactivity would likely be gone hopefully and preferably this year or before I turn 30 instead of anywhere older than that -- because frankly, if that happens, I would think that it'll be fricking embarrassing to not outgrow that unless that I do have a hormonal mental health problem somewhere that I really, really want to fix...

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

It is possible to value yourself and also value others.

Phrases like “you may be right” (meaning “you may also be wrong”)

“That is one way to look at it” (meaning “buf not the only way”)

Can help

I hate arguing me

It's not that I can't argue, I just can't be arsed

If my opinion is different to someone else's I just simply say: "that's where we differ" and i leave it at that

Otherwise I'm quite ok with letting things go

I just don't think it really matters in the scheme of things

If you're talking about arguing on the internet, there are definitely a lot of bad-faith arguers, who are just arguing for the sake of arguing, and there are also a lot of people who will never change their minds and who aren't even listening. Those arguments are not worth engaging in.

In real life it might be worth having a discussion with someone who is open to listening, but even then it's best to just state your case and then let it go. But you don't have to cave in and pretend to agree with them, unless you're doing it intentionally to avoid arguing, in which case it's for yourself and not necessarily for them. But if someone is smug about winning an argument you might not want to give them that satisfaction.

I can feel defeated at the end, like I didn't get my point across or come off strong enough, even though I knew more about the subject than the other person.

However, at times I will use things like " you could say that" " that's one way of looking at" " Interesting, I'll have to read up on that".

I can hold my own in conversation but not in verbal confrontation.
I hate arguing . With everyone but my partner I will restate my points and disconnect.

With her it's a whole different ballgame.
If we have different criteria for choosing a particular outcome hers always become the deciding factor. She has a variety of techniques to counter my opinions, the least of which is a talent to weaponise something I don't remember saying years ago.
She is now always annoyed at me because I don't argue... I just agree and do whatever the hell I think is best. Most of the time it's her way and things go smoothly.
Sometimes she triggers perversity and I'll just be contrary.

She's hell to work with, but I couldn't live without her.
I ought to paint an L on my forehead and pretend it means learner.

Well, not every argument.

I feel that way because everyone around me feels that they have to be right because they're threatened by the idea of an autistic person being smart.

I don't feel that way. I love arguments and can always "win" them. But as I matured I realize relationships are more important and it's not worth it to win. It's not like I can get a medal for winning arguments. Now I only get my fix once in a while with other people who enjoy arguing.

Oh and disagreement don't count as argument in my opinion. People naturally don't agree with each other. It's important to make compromises without feeling like you have won or lost.

If the arguing involves yelling then I would almost always automatically lose. Too much noise exhausts me and causes my brain to shut down

Most arguments are "won" or "lost" based on whose emotions are beaten senseless first.

Wait until the argument is over. Wait until your emotions dust themselves off. Wait a little longer.

Then, without emotion or someone talking at you, review the arguments made, and decide if you objectively agree or not. If you still believe you made a mistake, see if you can figure out how you made that mistake, and in your next argument you might last another round.

Even so, here is a truth few debaters have the courage to admit ...

The only thing a debate resolves is who the better debater is.

Cut your self-esteem some slack.