Could being beaten for years somewhat mimic ASD traits?

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I've been wondering about this ever since his death... as, as soon after I was able to move, after 18 years of that, I was diagnosed... so, it might very well be that absolutely everyone in my childhood was, at least, incompetent, certainly, but I also wonder... I mean, I very clearly concentrated on technicalities because I needed a distraction (why else would a 14 year old read the help file for some email software...) - also, there was almost constant shouting, which at the end I couldn't bear anymore, which could clearly be the reason I'm sensitive to noise (don't remember it being as severe before 15, or so)...

I've wondered this myself although autism does run in my family. Sometimes I wonder if I'd be more BAP if I had a better upbringing with no corporal punishment or isolation.

Anyway, I'm sorry to hear about the abuse you experienced. I know that it's a really hard thing to live with, not that my experiences with child abuse were by any means as severe as yours.

I feel autism is set in stone; it is something you're born with. Corporal punishment can be the cause of PTSD which itself can mimic autism. It is puzzling that PTSD runs hand in hand with autism

I hate such assh0les so much... and some people wonder why I'd likely go into a rage if I ever saw this publicly (not that the cowards are likely to do that in public)... I seriously wish I'd killed him; would have been far better, mentally... from your reading of that link you'd classify it as severe, though? Because, funny thing is, somehow I managed to only have a breakdown at 15, as it wasn't absolutely constant, or such (nor, obviously, as awful as some cases that result in deaths), and for the past many years, since I left, I barely assigned as much blame as I'm currently doing, suddenly... psychologically, it's left me very confused (trying to resolve that by writing, but not sure anything is definitive)... I think my mind compartmentalized it until 15, when I ran out of such resources...

I don't want to define your experience, but I will say that it sounds severe to me. Sometimes kids aren't good at knowing how bad things are if that's what they're used to and all they've known. That's something that I've grappled with, too, including in abusive situations I've experienced as an adult. Abusers often engage in gaslighting or do the whole cycle of abuse thing which can be very confusing, especially for children or vulnerable adults. There always will be people who've experienced worse, but it doesn't mean that whatever you (or I) dealt with wasn't awful.

When I worked as a teacher, I reported child abuse. One of those occasions resulted in an adult being removed from the home and a significant improvement in a student's life. I would have no qualms about calling the police or making reports if I ever hear about or observe something like that again.

That's good to try (although, of course, in my case "nothing could be done"...) - I keep feeling like I need to help somehow, too, but not sure how (I'm no teacher, and although I wondered about trying to volunteer for some phoneline... I think I concluded that it would be impossible, right now at least, with how broken I seem to be, and alone, when even certain abstract words, sometimes, make me emotional... couldn't possibly handle live cases, I'd go insane)... one thing I keep thinking about, and I know this wouldn't be generally helpful, and is more of a subjective thing, but... if one is in such a role (that he was supposed to be in), then, at least, someone could be, theoretically, protected from the outside world... not, exactly, impeccable logic, and some have said I don't seem ready (then again, my sister randomly had one at 16, herself, and a decade later another, despite her partner complaining about finances, so... who knows who's ready... I just can't stop thinking that her life is such a contrast to mine because, as she admitted, she seemed not to get the worst of it...) - often, this seems like the only way I could, possibly, ever 'patch' (perhaps) my life...

I wasn't a teacher for very long because it's really hard to help others when you need help. Helping kids felt great and I miss them, but it also wreaked havoc on my own mental health. I'm a mother and find that really challenging as well. Ideally, one will get as healthy as they possibly can before thinking about having a child. I love my son very much and don't regret having him for a second, but being a parent is really difficult, especially when I'm having a rough patch with my PTSD for whatever reason.

I can relate to having a very different upbringing from a sibling. My brother had it rough, too, but he'll be the first one to tell you that he still had it a lot easier than I did. He was naturally more obedient than I was and received fewer beatings, and there's other stuff I won't go into here. I'm actually glad that he didn't have it as bad as I did, but that's just the dynamic in my family. I know it can be very different with other siblings and such.

I seriously hate such disgusting concepts as 'obedience', honestly, f*ck people who are into that sh*t (I'm presuming, and hope, you're liberal with your son... with regards to how healthy one can become when one is a virtual hermit... not much, and unless I'm mistaken, this seems to be the only way I could ever get out of this rut... my life is pretty much finished, but I really hope I could possibly have a chance to better someone else's, possibly through surrogacy (not had many results with romances)... I don't think I'm completely deluded about what I can do, and as long as I try, surely, even that would be better than most seem to bother with...) - by the way, just wondering, since you might understand me, do you have any spare time to read what I've been writing for months? (Kind of about all this, but in a much more abstract form...)

I'm not a fan of 'obedience,' either. My parents used to complain that I was a permissive parent since I never used corporal punishment and kept other punishments to a bare minimum, but my kid is turning out just fine. He makes good choices because he wants to, not because he fears punishment (or whatever). That's not to say that he's perfect, but I think he behaves better than I did. I had more angst and such to grapple with. Of course, I think a broader spectrum of behavior is acceptable than my parents did, so he probably feels like he doesn't need to rebel.

Sure, I'll have time to read what you've written - maybe not today but tomorrow.

Your parents sound like real f*cking assh*les, I hope, and I assume you don't mind me saying (surely you'd agree). Shouldn't be any stupid 'punishments' at all, really, what the hell is wrong with rational conversation? (Oh, when psychopaths are involved, no, but I'm sure your parents think they're sooo totally different from murderers... not sure why you even talk to them... I hadn't talked to him since I left, and... not sure why I talk to her, occasionally, but at least she wasn't violent, just a gaslighter...)

I don't think my parents were as bad as yours. The situation is a bit different. My parents genuinely thought that corporal punishment was beneficial for me. There wasn't a sadistic element to it unlike the abuse I experienced as an adult. I grew up in a religious cult. Most people believed "spare the rod, spoil the child." Folks were also taught not to trust professionals about that stuff. It's complicated. Abuse was embedded in the culture. I tend to think of my parents as being limited but not evil although what they did was harmful nonetheless.

Childhood emotional neglect can very much mimic ASD.
Except CEN gets better with time, ASD "doesn't".


If I qualify to the former -- I can say that overcoming that makes life and existing feel easier.

Less reactive emotional dysregulated background noise in your already easily encumbered system, and less of one's stupid subconscious making decisions and therefore dictating your life for you.

Each breakthroughs can unlock (or rather, recover certain aspects and function) something within a person.


Supposedly, psychotherapy is an aide to overcome or ease the consequences of crappy upbringing.
Not that I'm endorsing it, nor claim that it solves everything -- getting a successful kind itself seem already tricky; finding the right fit, right strategy...

But rolling the dice of autism and ended up dealing with an innate crappy cognitive profile, painful sensory profile, uneven emotional profile, etc...
That's an entirely different beast, entirely different strategy, entirely different expectations...


I myself just have ignorant parents, just like most people around me.
But unlike becoming compliant and masking -- I became this really hyperindependent raging violent person.
And unlike some who cope with alcohol and drugs -- I really just have uneven development and make use of everything out of it.

... I wish I ended up into becoming a numb workaholic instead of someone whose spent time on maladaptive daydreaming and being an overly emotional person.
But nope! The brain -- the subconscious, 'is trying their best to protect me'. I consciously don't want to 'escape reality', but instead -- the stupid subconscious made that decision for me, against my fricking willful consent; just like how incontinence happens to someone's uncontrollable bladder.

But unlike the kidneys... The brain, the mind, can be 'reasoned'... Just not in a rational and factual manner... But more to do with fricking nuisance of emotional processing.

Maybe a part of me knew that pretending to be NT could possibly kill me into exhaustion and insanity before any punishment or whatever consequences that might be.

Supposedly, humans overall fear social suicide more than physical death.
... I really don't have the former to begin with.

Or that thoughts dictates emotions and beliefs ...
... Except mine works backwards apparently. And therapy will never help me since that's their model of thought and emotional processing.

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Ah, religion (like Carrie, then...?) - funnily, not much of an element within the house I spent 18 years in, even if the country at large was, kind of (and I ended up going to a church school, with awfully no science subjects, which totally destroyed my career prospects... and, even though I'm currently chatting with a priest from back then, he will never admit to that...) - with regards to 'evil'... I know it's more of a religious concept, and I see the world more from a psychological point of view... so I just tend to call them psychopaths... really, though, not sure what the difference is supposed to be, between mine and yours (well, if they were both violent then that is one extra)... it's still the same, though, whether or not it's supposedly motivated by religion, or just random bouts of anger, like I was afflicted by... I really don't see much difference, your self-satisfied parents are just that... mine never even bothered to justify it (beyond calling me a "monster", ironically, or "animal"), with his wife doing a bit more of that (even though she claimed to try to protect me)... no, though, these kind of people are all awful psychopaths, and what's worse with societies is that they only prosecute them when they happen to do it so much it results in deaths, when it should be universal... and Edna3362, yeah, I was slightly better after I left, until he died, at which point the well of flashbacks sprung open...

The flashbacks doesn't truly meant anything about you or them other than a sign.
But it can be very much an opportunity; I say, embrace it unconditionally. But not define you, your actions, etc.

That's you grieving, yes.
But that doesn't necessarily meant it's you, or about you, and it is not you intentionally.

But since it's your parent -- it's likely your attachment and expressing loss.
Most attachments are not conscious, more so during earlier stages of life.
Unfortunately these parental attachments are these 'foundations' of a person that will affect their development.

Again, this is not 'you'; it's your brain, your mind, your programs -- things outside your conscious, whether it's good or bad, in which how most human works, unfortunately.

You can grieve -- that's nothing to be ashamed of, even if you have conflicting feelings or would rather not recall things or vehemently would rather not grieve; I believe that still can be solved or at least be less of a burden.

One can start by acknowledging and validating those feelings.
Good and bad. Simple and complex. Contradicted and paradoxical.

But one had to know if it's their primary emotions or their meta emotions (if that's just you, rationalizing or reacting to the primary emotions).

Thoughts and feelings are needed to be seen and accepted of its' existence -- also itself has it's own self of preservation.

But at the same time, not to get attached to it (make it a meaning for or against it) nor react to it (affirm or deny); it will give them more power.
But also don't be too strategic -- it will try to hide from your conscious and wreck havoc in the background.

Just be unconditional and I don't even mean on a rational level; it's like one had to know how to 'open their hearts' -- and that itself is tricky while doing so intentionally.

Most of it had to be visceral, not mostly strictly rationalized.
It's like befriending a kid; whether you love that kid or loathe that kid. Though you're very welcome to imagine that kid is you.

Some can take a moment, some can take years with intensive intervention.
Figuring and doing internal stuff is tricky because of how abstract and subjective it is.


I'm sorry if this isn't the response you want.

But if I lost a parent, whether I truly love them or not, whether I care for them or not, regardless of how good or bad of an influence they are, how much of a good or bad job they did as a parent -- it will affect me.

And it's my subconscious.
I hate that how much of it could affect my adult life, my development, my choices, my future...

And how much most of that came from places and times long before my grandparents are born.

I believe that fostering the good parts to pass onto...
.. Or/and breaking the crappy ones out of the next generation is something I should strive for, and without swinging the pendulum into excessive extremes of avoiding one crappy thing in favor of inversed but just as crappy another.

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They used to be much more spontaneous soon after he died, but after a few months... I might be back to some prior norm... I can recollect them consciously, if I wanted (although, even then, they're not at all as vivid as in the flashbacks, which terrified me when they first happened, as I could barely remember specific details, and suddenly I was there about a couple of decades ago, must have been, as in the later years I could, at least, go behind a door and use my legs as a lever to keep it shut, but earlier I didn't have the strength)... I'm still emotional, overall, but at least I don't seem to randomly cry much, like some times before... so strange, used to happen even when I'm just using a microwave, or such... still do, though, while reading news etc... not grieving for him at all, more my life, really, and the fact that such psychopathy exists to wreck lives...

Being abused as a child can make a person seriously messed up, but not cause their ASD.

I was raised by a non-violent and very functional family. It wasn't perfect, but what family is? But when I was an adult and had to live in a home, the staff believed my family members, especially my mom and older brother, were enabling my "dysfunctional behavior" by doing things such as taking me out shopping and out for supper maybe once a week. My mother even told me I shouldn't tell the staff anymore about what I did while out with her. This made no sense to me because I knew at least one guy in the home who talked constantly with his mother on the phone and must have went out with her daily.

Of course, he had chronic mental illness, I was just evil and selfish. And I still was even after I was finally diagnosed.