Have people insisted you're faking ASD?

Post Reply New Topic

Have any of my fellow autists dealt with NTs accusing them of faking their mannerisms and manifestations because "it's impossible that any human could be this way" or something of the sort?

I can tell you I've gotten it maybe three times that I can recall, two of them pre-diagnosis and one of them post...by a former boss who was basically a narcissistic gaslighter: she even told me that it didn't make sense that I was like this because I came from the same culture as "everyone else", I was born here, so why does it seem like I'm from a different culture yadda yadda yadda...and this is after I told her about my ASD diagnosis!

I also got it a couple of times in my early 20s, during those "volatile" years where somebody took offense to something I'd said where - of course - no offense was intended at all and I didn't even think of how it could be misconstrued as such (story of our life, isn't it?) So I got accused of, well, basically being a normal guy who was deliberately putting on this fake mentally deranged persona as a "get out of jail free" card. It was basically a case of solipsism, where that person's view and interpretation of the world and all people in it was the only correct one.

I seem to recall a dialogue on the matter going something like this:
THEM: "Come on. You're just f***ing around with me. There's NO WAY that any person could be like this, not notice obvious signs of bla bla bla, and not know that such-and-such is inappropriate in that context..."
ME: "No, it's for real - this is just how my brain is wired, it's how I think, there's nothing contrived about it."
THEM: "Ahh, nooo, I don't think so...I think that's what you want other people to believe."
ME: "But WHY??"
THEM: "Because I think you like to get attention. You're a loser, and this is the only way you know how to get attention."
ME: "But what if I'm not motivated by that kind of attention? What would you conclude THEN??"
THEM: (blank look, not knowing what to say)

Not something I could relate -- despite being:

- Officially diagnosed at 14. Technically late.
- On passing mainstream educational settings without any academic aides, making it in college level.
- People remarking that I'd be an honor roll if I take it seriously.
- On par with age appropriate developmental adaptive daily living.
- Can "pass" enough in public.


Because I:

- Don't mask. Not that I can't, I just don't. Also don't mistake not-masking for not-inhibiting pr masking means not-impulsive.
- Do not maintain any pro-NT mask.
- Has more than unnecessary amount of emotional dysregulation until recently.
- Never voluntarily strove to pass as NT.
- Never bullied or coerced to pass as NT.
- Never pressured nor persuaded to pass as NT.



But sure.
People still project or assumes.

Not because of autism and autistic traits, but because of executive dysfunction issues that are preventable and I'm quite closer to solving myself more and more recently...

Like moments of impulsivity from onlookers for example -- that's not even in my nature let alone how my brain is actually wired.

But it's a sign that I'm dysregulated, overwhelmed and confused or even ill because of that damn gap between my intentions and it's reasoning, and the timing (or plans/sequences/etc.) and it's immediate (timely) action...


Everything I do while dysregulated has too many assumptions upon it.

"Emotional Dysregulation" is not a part of my wiring.
Sensory dysregulation can be, overthinking can be, overwhelmed by my own body can be... Everything negative but still makes sense to me is a part of my wiring.

But not the emotionality. That doesn't make sense to me.
Because it's a sign that's something is deeply wrong with me with it. And I was right.


I got remarks, not by discounting autism, but assuming my intentions and motivations behind whatever decision I made under emotional dysregulation.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

I've never been accused of faking ASD. About the only time the word autism has ever been mentioned by anyone to me in person was my mom who believes I'm autistic & didn't mention it to me till after I graduated high-school & by my medical & psych professions, people who are supposed to provide services related to autism, & by my current girlfriend & also my last ex but both girlfriends are also on the spectrum & we met on this forum.

I don't bring autism up with anyone offline because in my experience the so-called 'experts' believe autistics are all lower functioning. When I was officially tested for autism at 20 & also a couple years later I was sort of evaluated by a different professional, I was told that I communicated too well verbally & seemed to intelligent to have anything on the autism spectrum & they were hung-up on the fact that I had a high-school diploma. I went to a Catholic high-school that my parents paid money for me to go to & it did not do federal standardized testing. I had accommodations in school because I also have dyslexia & I only passed some classes because my teachers curved my grade. Those experts thought I had some major issues but they believed those were unrelated to autism. I think they kind of got my causes & effects mixed up & thought my poor social skills are due to being disabled in other ways & keeping to myself.

My mom has accused me of being lazy & exaggerating a bit of my issues to put it very nicely. She believed I could do better in school, be a lot more independent, & find decent employment if I was willing to try harder. My mom didn't have any mental or physical disabilities. She was the teacher's pet in school & her & dad were very poor when they first got married but gradually got to lower-middle class by both working very hard. They're both salt of the earth types. My mom couldn't relate to being disabled or fully grasp how things are different for my generation. Her & dad refused to allow me to drop out of high-school insisting that having a high-school diploma would majorly help my job opportunities. However almost no job apps I filled out ever asked about having a high-school diploma or GED. About the only time I saw schooling listed on job apps was asking about college or vocational type training.

Looking back my mom probably had a very valid point about me needing to try harder but lots of times I've tried hard & failed & ended up accomplishing nothing at best. & at worst I majorly inconvenienced my parents for a bit & cost them a bit of money & I had to hear my mom grip about that on top of burning myself out & reaching my meltdown limit. I'm pretty sure I have a bit or a lot of learned helplessness. It's difficult to figure out where to apply myself & how to go about it in a way that I can realistically have improvement.

Various people including some authority figures like my teachers, principles, & my mom, & also my peers have assumed I was intentionally being disruptive or being mean when we had misunderstandings or I was at my meltdown limit.

Never to my face.

Yes, I was literally told by a psychologist that I cannot be autistic due to previous work experience. I am so autistic.

Yes. It happened to me. I used to hide my autism so much that I appeared to be a neurodivergent individual. The truth was that I suppressed my mannerisms, feelings and true opinions so much that I ended up exhausted every single weekend after school/work. This later took its toll on my mental and physical health. Not only was it exhausting to mask, but it was also exhausting to process the feelings and sensory overload I was constantly experiencing.

When I was a teenager, some teachers and my parents accused me of being arrogant and using my intelligence to gain an advantage, but the truth was that my interests were narrow. And I tended to focus on the subjects or topics that I thought were worthwhile or logical. The rest I considered time-consuming, nonsensical or of little interest to me. It was not something that was done with malice or for any other purpose. So people had the idea that I was an overly serious, unapproachable and unfeeling person with a superiority complex. I often liked to be alone, because I preferred solitude to crowds, and it made me feel very uncomfortable to spend a lot of time with people. I felt stifled, I felt guilty because I didn't know why it affected me so much to be touched, to be embraced. So I withdrew into myself a lot and tried to imitate some gestures, speech and other socially acceptable behaviour. But I felt fake, I felt empty, and I ended up lashing out many times when I was overwhelmed, without meaning to. I always felt guilty and had to apologise for everything.

I was later diagnosed with Asperger's (I was diagnosed when the term was still used separately from ASD). I had a pre-diagnosis which came from a college interview and a psychometric test that all applicants had to take. My college didn't treat me ethically and they revealed my condition to my peers. They had the idea that I was some kind of genius, as the media usually portrays people with Asperger's. When they realised I was just a normal girl who got good grades and had a lot of anxiety, they were disappointed and ended up accusing me of faking having Asperger's. My mother was also incredulous. She couldn't accept that I had the condition. For a long time she had no contact with me during my time at university, thinking I had done it on purpose to sabotage myself. She used to say that I was faking it, that it wasn't real, that she had somehow failed in raising me. She simply chose to believe that I was seeking attention.

Some of my former high school friends who went to college with me didn't believe it, they still had the idea that I was grumpy, that I was just trying to make myself look more interesting, more substantial. People ended up avoiding me. It was a double standard, they said they didn't believe I had the condition, but they invalidated my opinions on academic matters, as if everything I said was coming from the mouth of a mad person. I was often accused of making myself important, when all I was really doing was isolating myself further. I convinced myself that I was indeed wrong. So for some time I decided the matter rest. I left the matter rest believing that somehow I was a twisted person with a wrong mentality.

I was officially diagnosed recently. My mum had the hardest hit, but our relationship has got better overall. It took more than 8 years to get it right. Sometimes people still accuse me of faking it, but it doesn't affect me as much as it used to. But I understand. It's frustrating, it makes you question your sanity and your value in general. I just stick to the hard facts. I have it. Does it make me better or worse? Not really. People will always talk about what they don't understand or don't want to understand. So I just stay true to myself as much as I can.

No, because I hardly ever tell anybody. I told my employer but I handed in a (redacted) copy of my diagnostic report, so they didn't dare say I didn't have ASD. I told a couple of friends once and they said "crikey, you hide that well." But I suppose I'm not an extreme case, and the only person they had for comparison was somebody who had it in spades (and curiously denied there was any such thing as ASD). Plus I can be quite sociable when I make the effort. I'm lucky. A lot of people have it worse.

But I've heard it's common for people not to believe it. I suppose they don't want the trouble of accommodations, or the headache of understanding it. And it's often called an invisible disorder, so I guess people often refuse to believe what they can't see.

Not disbelieving the ASD itself but definitely not believing that I have the support needs and challenges I definitely do. At my last job.

My mom thought I faked mine in my teens when I got worse due to anxiety and constantly being overwhelmed due to having siblings and we had moved from a big house to a small house and back to a bigger house.

Even I thought then I was going crazy because I couldn't understand why I was more sensitive now and the more my family got mad at me about it, the more anxiety I got and the worse I got.

I wonder if I went through a burnout. I only got better when my brothers stopped being all wild and chaotic and I also had finally moved out. I just feltike a burden to everyone and an embarrassment to my brothers.

Now I can't imagine treating my own son this way. I know getting mad at him for being overwhelmed will just escalate it. It didn't help with me as a kid and I got worse as a result.

I wish I knew what my actual support needs are as an autistic, even if I'm already diagnosed as a teenager, no one has the full picture.

My needs were muddled by different multiple factors; neglected and untreated chronic internal factors that had nothing to do with autism.

Everyone thinks that's the autism. But I can also have those crap without the autism.
Ironically, what I deal was the inverse of this thread's situation.


Oh and I was right.
My emotional dysregulation isn't a part of my autism. It isn't even psychiatric, but it's definately sensory issues, mental health drain and was a major source of chronic stress.

It's caused by an untreated disruptor until just very recently.


Maybe when I finally get my re-assessment at my birth month this year...


Really. I was right.
Unless autism can be treated by, well, an anti-asthma inhaler to rid of seemingly psychiatric issued that supposed to be associated with autism...

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

Never as I have amazing recall and score extremely high on written exams.

But, I socialize just fine when I present as female.

My husband has Asperger's and my son is 11 and has ADHD. I have seen both of them go from being able to pass as completely NT to having extremely low executive function once they have enough stress. Within minutes sometimes.

Most people don't realize how much energy goes into regular social interaction. It takes energy for neurotypical people as well, just no where near as much as for a person with a different sort of cognitive structure.

I've heard of that kind of thing. It's as if they see ASD as a broken leg and they've just seen you walk on it so you must be faking.

I'm not autistic but I recently interviewed 16 autistic adults and this definitely came up. One example that comes to mind is the interviewee being asked things like "how can you be autistic and married?", "how can you be autistic and have children"?

I think there is a misunderstanding about what being autistic means and if you don't fit into the person's idea or definition of autism then it can be hard for them to accept.