What's going on inside your head when talking to a stranger?

Post Reply New Topic

How do you feel when forced to speak with a stranger? What do you feel at that precise moment when you know it's your turn to speak?


I feel like the world will end if I say the wrong thing and I'm terrified of you and your staring eyes. Why are your eyes looking into mine? I feel like my soul is exposed and I just want to walk away.

How about you guys?

I tend to feel things like "get me out of here!! !" and I also find it hard to understand why a stranger would speak to me in the first place. This doesn't really make much sense to me.

I think that they're strange for talking to me about their personal life, when there are more intelligent things to talk about, like the news, history or the weather.

When I know it's my turn to speak, I go BLANK...

I fumble for a question to ask them, or I comment on our surroundings. I'm usually present in the sense of knowing exactly where I am, what the wall looks like, what the table feels like, what music is playing, who's talking behind me, how hot it is...So I can comment on that sometimes.

I usually say hello and engadge them. When introducing yourself their is always the basic things you say and ask, those are almost pre-programed in me anyways, so I have no problem for a few moments, once all that is covered then I start going blank, and usually the stranger will eather steer the conversation whereever he wants or itll end and well just wave goodbuy and go off.

Same here. I tend to fall back on a very limited stock phrase that usually does not mesh at all with what the conversation was about.

I don't talk to strangers.

Oh, I know the feeling. I had it alot more as a child than now. Knowing about why helps alot. I sometimes talk to a stranger if I need to. I usualy do it for information about something. Church and certain places are different. I usualy avoid socialising, because I don't want to deal with what goes on in my head.

I often start off with what social things I know, and try to keep it where I know how. People at that point think I'm more NT, but then the Aspieness I have starts comming in, and they give me this certain look. heheh. I think it means they are confused about me. All sorts of nonsence spins through my mind as always. (stuff I can honestly do without!)

"OK what do we say next" I think

*a little stress* but it doesn't impaire me any at this point.

I go on saying or useing what little I know in social stuff for the mouth itself. At some point, my mind goes blank in the mouth funcion area. I have nothing to tell them, and sometimes they want me to say something. It's an annoyance when this happens, but knowing that this is an error really gives me alot of mental trouble that isn't emotionaly visable to others at all.

*more stress* It really depends on how much they want me to reply, or how important it is.

My mind now struggles to find the 'correct' answer as if I was taking some pop quize with questions that I know nothing about. I think if I mess up, it's another embarasment to deal with. When really, I don't know how it will turn out. My brain starts thinking hard. All sorts of emotional stressors start going around in my head.

Worry, nervousness, dissapointment, fear, and of course urgancy, and all that butts in and tries to stop what I need to get done. NTs usualy reply in a way that make it more complicated for me to sort this amasing mess. On the surface, I don't look like I'm thinking to them, I'm sure. On the inside, my brain is probably heating up, and if it gets any worse, I could panic... again. Which I really hate.

There are alot of words spinning around in my head. None of them are suited for the conversation at hand yet. I have to calm myself down a little by quieting all this #$%. So I mentaly dig around in my mind for an answer of some kind. My emotions keep interfereing, but I try to keep looking.

Maybe my reply will be stupid, but at least it's something to give them. To give myself a moment to sort it I usualy say the obvious. "Can you give me a moment?", "Oh let me think a minute here." If nothing comes to mind, which usualy is the case, I say "I have nothing to tell you. sorry." I usualy go mentaly blank for replies. *shrug*

Last edited by LiendaBalla on 19 Nov 2007, 11:25 am, edited 3 times in total.

I always feel really awkward. People that I know I have these little signals in my head for. When he does this, it's time to go. When she says this, it's time to go. But strangers are unfamiliar and I have no patterns cataloged for their behaviours. So I usually end up in that awkward silence that says that someone should say something, but I can't for the life of me figure out what. Then I just babble and become incredibly stupid in a single glaring moment.

lol, SAME! What always boggled me is that upon first meeting someone, they seem to genuinely want to know a TON about them! That or they instantly act like your best friend, lol. It's creepy.

I find it quite difficult to take in what they're saying because I'm concentrating on the eye contact thing - not too much, not too little. I have been known to just switch off listening, and stare at them, unfocussed, while thinking about something else. I try not to do that though, I think it comes across as a bit scarey

Suspicion. I'm always watching their body-language. I'm always keeping an eye on their movements, while listening to their prattling. I'm worried that I'm being set-up for something. I've only had it happen a coupla times, but I'm ready like a bunny rabbit to dash off if they turn threatening...

I feel a lot like this. I've gotten better, and I can introduce myself normally etc. If there's a subject to talk about - how the elevator is broken again, how crazy our professor is, the weather, etc, I can hold a perfectly good conversation. If I have to start coming up with banter, and I don't know the person well enough to have an inside joke or something to fall back on, I either ramble and say stupid stuff or just kind of get quiet. I hate it. Even with people I know but aren't really close with, I start rambling if they don't talk, or keep bringing up an inside joke or past situation because it's all I have to go on. Or I'll bring up a TV show we like and give them way too much info about it, or start talking about school/politics....Analyzing something, or having an intellectual conversation, (not always about an intellectual thing but speaking about it in a serious way even if it's just tv or something) is pretty much the only way for me to keep a conversation going...and a lot of people get bored quick. I had a friend who got mad that I brought up school all the time whenever we hung out - but it's the only subject I have to bring up!

Same here.

I need to remember to ask more open-ended questions once the introductory ones are finished to avoid the awkward silences.

I like memorizing dialogue from movies or books. It makes it easy to be witty and "normal."

GOD - I hate small talk.

At a certain point the thoughts drift completely away from the topic and focus on the actual nature of the conversation. Ok, what is he saying now, how is he using his hands and how does he expect me to react? This ability to analyze helps me to a certain degree, but it drives me crazy. And then sometimes my mind wanders so much that when the person, after a sufficiently long enough tangent, asks my take on what he's been saying, I suddenly realize I haven't even been listening.