Inability to bond?

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My mother claims that I have an inability to bond and seems to be quite distressed about this. I on the other hand, find her approaches stiffling - and I react to them the same way I react to a physical touch - by pulling away.

I've also noticed that friendships that I do manage to make are all very superficial and lack what my mother calls 'bond'.

I am not overly disturbed about this because I feel like I don't need to bond in that way. Do you think this is pathological? Or is it simply a trait on the neurodiversity spectrum? Do you find a similar inability to bond in your relationships?

Yes..there are very few people I can bond with, and i have alot of difficulty with what you describe.
I tend to have the closest bonds to my signifigant others...but difficulty bonding with platonic friends and family.

An ex used to call me a "one person pet"...comparing me to an animal who only bonds to one person....

Maybe sometimes bonding with a person takes longer for people on the spectrum because they're so understimulated giving the person their full undivided attention isn't enough for them sometimes; they need other stimulation too and go looking for it in a more stimulating place, or whatever. Then they're really good at bonding like everyone else.

im sometimes like that though i dont mean it

Oh definately. My associaition with people almost always has to revolve around some game, sport, or other similar activity which we like to do together. I guess it serves as kind of a buffer and takes focus off bonding on any deeper level.

It took me a long time to be able to bond with other people. It's gotten much easier, since I got my dog, Chico, four years ago. I now have friends and I feel closer to both of my parents, even my dad. I might even give my dad a hug, when I see him on Friday. All that I need to do, is create a bond, with my sister. I haven't done that yet, because of her sarcastic nature, and the fact that she reminded me of the girls that I'd go to High School with. It will be easy for me, once I get past that block.

I have only a few friends who I have bonded with. Others are only because of a shared interest or something. But I do not feel the necessity to bond with multiple people.

Very much like this. If I do not like your approach, I'm distant and chilly. My mother has this same problem with me.

Sometimes it's all about them trying too hard. The rest are just totally out of alignment with who I am. Freeze out.

I really have no interest in "bonding" with anyone other than my children, though I've found it difficult to bond with my daughter. In the last year, however, the situation has been rectified.

I have the same issue. It is why I never have had any friends, only acquaintances and co-works and fellow students. Made any kind of personal relationships impossible as well.

Not having a need to be with others or have conversations (verbal) with others makes the constant contact/talk that seems to be necessary to 'maintain' a friendship is quite problematic. I don't shy away from people, I simply don't follow up with them. It doesn't even pop into my head at all.

I find that I'm not really sure what bonding is. Many times, I have fancied that I bonded with someone, only to have the whole thing fall apart. I recently tried to bond with a new NT friend, and while we have much in common, (very similar upbringing and family dynamics) I find that part of me remains distant, watching and waiting, for the inevitable crash. I can never see it coming - that's what makes it so hard. Also, she is very emotional, which I find draining. We hung out yesterday, and then she called today, wanting to hang out again! The last time I tried to explain my need for down time, to a new friend, they pretended to understand, stored up resentment, and them blew up at me while accusing me of all kinds of anti-social behavior. So, no - I don't think I am capable of forming strong bonds with anyone.

the only person i feel i've bonded with is my sister. I may have bonded with two friends when i was younger, they were my only close friends, but i've lost that bond. My sister seems to be the only person who realizes that i show affection differently, or that even though i don't seem to care, i actually do (at least about her). she's one of the few people i like hugging, and just a few weeks ago was the first person i ever missed. other than her i don't seem to form any bonds with people.

That's interesting - now that I think of it, I have never missed anyone either.

I don't really know now what bonding means. As a child growing up, I seemed to have had friendships that seemed meaningful. I felt like I could talk about anything in some of my friendships. When I hit adolescent, friendships never felt the same. Through my teenage years I didn't feel the interest of bonding with anyone my age. I don't know the exact reason except the feeling of being different or not into the "age appropriate" interests like dating, shopping in malls (didn't have the money for that kind of luxury anyway), fitting in, peer talk, etc. It all felt overwhelming and tiresome just to fit in and be "accepted." Even now I don't feel like my age matches up with my mental age. I use to react to physical touch but now I like to be hugged every once in a while, a hug that feels genuine. I don't know about your case. When I read about AS and interactions, I definitely identified with it.

For a long time I didn't know I had AS, my mom was disturbed about it but accepted me as being speacial. Only thing was, I began having spasms of depression and went into suicidal phases. They got me into all kinds of therapy treatment and psychiatric evaluations. It was always ADD or nothing wrong. When it got too serious, my family saw a show about Aspergers and felt I fit the spectrum. They wanted me to get a diagnosis for it and I was dxed. This only happened 2 years ago. Now I know the precursor to what all of this was about. I bond but my connections aren't close per say.

This describes me very well...

Otherwise, being around people for prolonged periods becomes mentally stressful.

Some people have a stereotypical way of bonding, and they don't recognize any other. But dealing with people on the spectrum is a bit like dealing with someone from another culture; it's not possible to make assumptions. You have to be willing and able to read the person and the situation on an individual basis, not according to convention.

Personally, I can appear to do things the conventional way when it's just a matter of going through the motions (eg. I know what a family dinner is like), but that's just appearances; bonding on a deep level is idiosyncratic, and what's more, I think it is always that way, even if it takes place between two NTs.

I, too, have difficulty bonding. In watching Star Trek TNG the other day, I heard a quote from Data that pretty much explains my perspective to a T: "As I experience certain sensory input patterns my mental pathways become accustomed to them. The inputs eventually are anticipated and even missed when absent."

I have trouble identifying (or really even 'feeling') emotions, so it's often difficult for me ascertain whether I do indeed 'like' or 'love' a person (as friend or otherwise). I have 5 close friends (if u include siblings) who I genuinely look forward to hanging out with, and enjoy chatting with, even about inane topics, so I classify that as a 'bond'. I have a second tier of friends that I am 'accustomed to', and enjoy talking with them in the hallway at school, but wouldn't be able to hang out with for long durations. But even with good friends I retain a level of detachment--if I were to move, I'd think of them, miss them, but I wouldn't be over distraught. I'm one of those perpetually happy people, who draws pleasure from simple things like nature and smiles.

I've often thought that I just had muted emotions, but I still get furious about some things, saddened by others, and, as I said, I'm usually pretty happy. I think it's 'love', or 'bonding' that I might be incapable of, I just didn't know how to classify it till I saw this thread