lying aspie

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Do you get accused of not telling the truth or did you when you were younger?

curious.

thx, equinn

I'm never told directly that someone thinks that I am lying, and I don't know how honest I appear to be. I hope that people understand that my words and intentions are true. But I've recently become aware of body language, and I'm getting paranoid about it. According to what I've read about the gestures that I use, people might be reading me as I'm trying to hide my intentions to appear more innocent than I am, while on the contrary that innocence is real and they're misreading me. Ironically, it's the people who are more perceptive who would read me wrong. More straightforward people, males mostly, are more likely to take what I say as genuine.

before i was dignosed with anything, when i told my parents i was stressed they told me i didnt know what stress was and stop being so meldromatic.
that hurt
also when i told my brother i had depression, he also acussed me of being meldramatic and lying.
then i went on antidepressents that shut him up

My idea is that a misperception or misreading of rules, or others intentions, could cause a child or adult to assume one thing when actually it's something else entirely. The person acts on the percieved understanding and then in defense of actions appears to be lying because, after all, no one could be that naive.

Before he passed away, my father was a compulsive liar. It made everyone in my family paranoid, and they constantly accused me of lying. As a result, I find it quite impossible to lie now, because I feel an overwhelming feeling of guilt when I try. If I can't tell the truth I stop talking.

People have told me that I'm lying when I'm actually telling the truth. Worse is when they know that I'm telling the truth.

The people I care about think I'm crazy for telling the truth.

Wait, what? Who is who in your post?

Sorry "The person (with AS) acts on the percieved understanding....

get it?

example: Adults says to child "We can't eat donuts until after lunch." AS hears "we can have donuts with our lunch" and so he puts one on his plate. He is accused of being sneaky, not following rules and in defense, he says so and so said we could have donuts. (seems to be lying in order to get the donut)--small example.

Another example is when child/adult with AS mispercieves the tone and accuses said person of speaking violently or in a threatening manner to him/her--when in fact, this is not the case. The accused is irrate at this accusation and jumps to the defensive, and child/adult with AS gains a reputation of falsifying information. Meanwhile, AS individual is left confused as to what he/she did wrong. Eventually, as the child matures, he/she will become paranoid or feel that others are disbelieveing him/her (as you mention in your post).

The child, especially, might lie intentionally because this is what's expected of him/her and so he/she will do it even if it's wrong in order to meet that expectation. They are unsure about how to discern intentions so this could lead to a negative pattern of behavior.

equinn

Yes I have been accused of not telling the truth. It hurts very much. I usually never talk to those people again but if they talk to me, I will talk to them for politeness but I will not be their friend. If they apologize, then I reconsider.

Yes.

and when i;m not doing anything people think i "freak out"

Okay, I understand. I don't know how many times my mom accused me of "getting smart with her". I've always been very resistant to lying, because I am so misunderstood as it is. Sometimes I've tried to say the thing that a typical person would say instead of really explaining things. But that doesn't seem to work any better, so I'm going to quit even doing that and just stick to straight honesty because it feels more authentic.

Yes, when I was a kid my parents and teachers would interrogate or even accuse me of doing something that I would never do and I would be insulted that something like that would even cross their minds, so consequently I'd become extremely defensive. That defensiveness was percieved to be confirmation of my guilt.

My mom would often tell me that it only made me look guilty when I cried during a confrontation or got frustrated during an interrogation, and that truthful people act calm and cool. That seemed strange to me because I cried easily whenever an adult was stressing me out, whether or not I had any idea what I was being yelled at for. And also when I lied, I'd try to draw as little attention to myself and be as uncommunicative and aloof as possible. But I couldn't understand how a person can remain calm when someone accuses them of something they didn't do or didn't intend.

That extreme defensiveness was only there when I was being the most truthful, a natural response I still struggle with. Seems people commonly view that as proof that I'm guilty or lying. I still have trouble understanding why my natural responses are the opposite of what they are apparently supposed to be.

im always accused of lying regardless of the subject even though alot of my mates thing i made up aspergers even though they have heard of autism or they think i make my handwriting awful on purpose as an excuse just so i can get a scribe for my exams

Oh my goodness, I used to lie all the time :S every day, every few minutes. :S but I haven't told a lie since... well, I don't remember :D so I think I'm better now. :D anyway, living down a hard-earned reputation is proving very difficult, but I have a reputation now for being very honest and innocent, so everything works out. :)

spectar--do you recall why you used to lie?

If someone doesn't make eye contact when they are talking to you, it means they are lying. If you have trouble looking at people in the eyes when you talk to them, then they will think you are lying even if you tell the truth all the time and never lie. I think that's probably why many aspies are falsely accused of lying.