Funny literalisms

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This thread is about things that you have taken literally that ended up being funny.

Here's mine:

Today I was at the dentist and at the end of the cleaning she said to me: "Can you use a toothbrush?"

My thoughts went like this: "What does she mean? Of course I can use a toothbrush! Oh.. maybe my teeth were so dirty that she thought I don't know how to use a toothbrush. No, that can't be it, she said my teeth were ok. Maybe she means to ask if I can use a toothbrush right now with all this stuff in my mouth?"

So I said: "Do you mean right now?"

Then she said: "No, I mean do you need a toothbrush?"

Then it all became clear to me and I couldn't help chuckling because apparently she meant to ask if I WANTED a toothbrush and not whether I am CAPABLE of USING a toothbrush.


Add your own funny literalisms so we can all laugh!

I want your shirt.

My grandma said this to me. My first thought was 'but you won't fit in it'
I asked her: Why? You don't like this style.
her reply: I'm doing laundry and it could use a wash.

I felt so dumb.

when am was on a ASDAN course for people with disabilities,there was a girl called Razan who would say she's going to the toilet for a drink--whilst in class-this would get am thinking,toilet....drink...disgusting...Sarah [a girl who hates her for no reason] would keep asking is she going for a drink out of the toilets,and razan would say yes...then sarah would call her a tramp,though razan isnt one and doubt tramps would drink toilet water either.
am dont understand why so many say they're going in the toilet as well,why cant they say toilet room,as its not the toilet theyre squashing themselves into.

Who do you think you are?!

I had an argument with a colleague not that long ago and he said that to me. I must admit I didn't know what to say. How do you answer that?

I remember it took me the longest time to understand what people meant by:

"What's up?" ... I would look up and question the question in my head and then give them a confused look.

"What's happening" ... in a greeting sense ... this was the hardest. I am wondering what the hell you mean by that. You're here. What do you think is happening?

"Will you go out with me?" ... I have to say this was the funniest and the most embarassing. We were in the Library...My reply: "Uhm sure. I have class in ten minutes but where are you headed?" I had no clue. haha.

'take enough?'
took me forever to realize this is a sarcastic response.

I have so many 'literal thinking blunders!' Some are funny, but oh no!

Earlier this year my advisor, in a group of 4 of us (I like them all - my advisor is great), said to another about me "She's missing her Sylvian Fissure," in reference to the fact I have no Sylvian Fissure. I should mention, my advisor is a Dutch neuroscientist (very nice man, and considerate). Sometimes he'll phrase things a bit differently, since English isn't his 1st language.

Anyway, I thought he meant I miss my Sylvian Fissure, as in I feel badly for not having it (I do not)! As if I would be doing some mundane task, and suddenly think, "Gee...I really miss having that Sylvian Fissure....." NO!

I said to him, "I really don't miss it, I'm honestly not aware of it, on a routine basis." He laughed! Then explained that he meant I am lacking (= 'missing') that Sylvian Fissure anatomically, not that I'm sad I do have this feature. I do interpret literally!

Oh....

For the longest time the "What Up?" line would confuse me because I didnt know how to respond.
Another one that I am always confused about is when someone comes up to you and asks "Hows it hanging?"

or another "What gives you the right to say that?"

I am totally bad about trying to answer rhetorical questions too because I never know if it is rhetorical or am I supposed to find an answer.

In reading your examples, I realize that this is a bigger problem for me than I thought. I usually LAUGH at how something could be misunderstood a second or two later. I literally make a JOKE out of other peoples comments!

Oh well, I learned to wait before reacting. OH, and this IS part of my problem with reacting to women's advances. I won't even say HOW, it is so embarassing. But when I realize a missed opportunity minutes or even seconds(Seconds mean a LOT in a straight personal conversation) later. MAN! I guess that ALONE could cinch the idea of AS causing me significant social problems, even though it is only a small part of how it affects me there.

Haha, some of those are really funny!

Here's another one that I remember from my childhood:

It was around the time that car manufacturers started putting brake lights in the rear window (in addition to the ones near the bumper). I asked my father what it was and he said that it was a brake light and that it was only on new cars. For a long time after that I wondered how a car knew to get rid of it when it got old.

Add your own funny literalisms so we can all laugh![/quote]

"No minors allowed" - At the time I saw this I was a small child, I lived in a town whose main industry was mining based. I thought that it was really mean to exclude the miners.

"I am going to borrow a kleenex" - no, no, no - by all means, please - you keep that, I have a whole boxful...

"are you watching the tv?" (this when the tv was off, I was just in the same room, reading. Yup, I am watching it alright, it hasn't moved one inch since I have been here...)

Today I was asked "so, what's new?". Well, you just asked me what is new, then just before that...

once, I had some friends over at my house, and I was cooking a pizza for us to eat. One of my friends asked, "Can I help?"

I thought she was bored and looking for something to do. What she should have asked was "Do you need any help?"