The "Shy Gorillas"

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I found an interesting chapter in my book "Solutions for Adults with Asperger Syndrome" by Juanita Lovett. Thought I'd share since I thought it sounded alot like myself (although not the extremely high IQ, mind always scores above average but not genius), and it pertains mostly to aspie women:

"One subset of people with AS have particular difficulty in relating to other people...they are often diagnosed as having schizoid personality disorder. The core symptoms seen in this condition include emotional detachment, social isolation, poor empathy, odd communication, and obsessive interests. These symptoms are the same as those of the autistic spectrum disorders, and many clinicians who are familiar with autistic spectrum disorders believe that eventually this diagnostic category will be folded into AS. However, one thing sets this group apart from others with AS. They are quite distrustful, even paranoid, and profoundly shy, so much so that it is rare for them to socialize or to have relationships except with others like themselves. Observing this, Dr. John Ratey, who, along with Catherine Johnson, wrote the book Shadow Syndrome, describes himself as being reminded of the extremely shy gorillas observed and studied for so many years by Dian Fossey. In writing about this group of patients, Dr. Ratey has characterized them as "shy gorillas" as a way of acknolwedging their extreme need for remoteness and privacy. Dr Ratey's shy gorillas had IQ's ranging in the 160's, and unlike as is usually the case in AS, where the majority are male, the majority of shy gorillas are female."
"There is one symptom common to the shy gorillas that is not seen as often in the rest of the AS group, and this is paranoia. A number of people with AS have some degree of mistrust of others, probably as a result of painful experiences in relationships, but in general, they are usually not paranoid in the way that the shy gorillas are. Shy gorillas are actually afraid of people; as a result, it is very difficult for anyone to get close to them, and are quick to withdraw if something disturbs them in the relationship. Dr. Francisca offers an explanation for the paranoia. Dr. Happes theory is that their intelligence has worked against them, because they, more than others with AS, are aware that others have minds of their own. They have used their intellect to work out and come to an understanding that others have minds of their own, but there are two very serious problems with this. First, by the time the shy gorillas has developed a theory of mind, he/she probably has experienced a childhood filled with stress and anxiety trying to understand relationships. People with As as you remember, process information about people and emotions using different parts of the brain than NT's. That means that their processing requires alot more effort, and it is easier to misinterpret their experience. Shy gorillas, because of their profound shyness and sensitivity, are likely to have many negative interpretations of situations that other people would see as neutral or even positive. As a result of their shyness and the fact that they lack the easy automatic process of social information that the NT has, there are far too many opportunities for these shy gorillas to "get it wrong". They seem biased to misinterpret their experience in a negative way and have concluded that people are bad and frightening. So while shy gorillas may have relatively well-developed theories of mind, instead of having improved social skills, they have become paranoid. The second problem faced by this group is that while they do understand that others have thoughts and feelings of their own, and they may even at times read these thoughts and feelings right, more ofthen than not, their reading of the thoughts/feelings is wrong. The problem is that because they are intellectually gifted, and in matters of fact and logic are usually right, they are completely confident that their perceptions are right. They even consider themselves to be exceptionally capable of empathy, or, put another way, they believe that they have outstanding abilities in reading others. The result is they have a dark view of humanity and will probably never be willing or able to question the conclusions they have drawn. So while many may long for contact, because of their fear and negative view of people and their shyness, they will likely find attempts to have a relationship intolerable."


Wow, that does sound alot like me, so many people will try to be my friend and I back away from it and can't seem to tolerate it, yet I feel lonely. I want to research this more.

Hi nettiespaghetti! Those are some interesting observations. I have been told that I am paranoid. I do have a deep distrust of people, & it is due to a lifelong history of being abused/mistreated by other humans. I can be around other people, & as long as I have my quiet time, I am able to cope. But it takes a lot for me to be able to trust another person.


Thanks for posting!

It's only paranoia if they're NOT out to get you.. and experience often proves us right.

I remember the reference to shy gorillas in Shadow Syndromes. I also remember "they even think they're empaths!", as if we must be wrong if we think we have empathy. I don't remember any mention of paranoia, but as others have already mentioned, it's only paranoia if they're not really out to get you.

I like half of what they wrote, and would like to stomp on the other half. So I remind myself that even though shy gorillas avoid most humans, they got along fine with Dian Fossey, so maybe we just need to wait for a Fossey to come along and translate us properly for them.

Excuse me, I think I'll go for another long hike in the wilderness again today.

Honestly I've always thought I read people correctly. I do think that most people are out for themselves and if I get in their way they won't care if they hurt me in whatever way to get what they're after. Although I think that my paranoia seems to be on the extreme side. One example is me and my husband went to talk to the district manager (we work for the same company). I left feeling disappointed and maybe even a little hurt because I didn't think the guy seemed interested in meeting me and/or talking to us. My husband left feeling happy because somehow he got out of it that the guy liked us and he was happy that he got to introduce me (etc). I wondered how I could leave the meeting feeling down while he was happy. I've had people tell me more than once that I'm just too cynical and/or paranoid. And the fact that I'm lonely and depressed does make me think that I am a little on the "too" extreme side.

This article sounds like just another way of describing Social Phobia. I suffer from severe SP and I saw myself in this a lot for that reason.

Yes, sounds much like that. I'm not sure exactly why they didn't use that term, maybe it's just because their first diagnosis is AS, and these other symptoms are alot like social phobia but not exactly, and alot like schizoid personality disorder but not quite...*shrugs*

I've always found the shy gorilla description to fit me perfectly except for one thing--the IQ. I certainly don't have an IQ in the 160's.

Even most HERE, myself included, don't have one THAT high.

It seems like a lot of sweeping generalizations there and doesn't account for individual circumstance, differences and experiences. It seems fairly convoluted as a whole.

Just because I am paranoid doesn't mean everyone isn't out to get me.

LOL

Let me think about that for a second..

Given that the most commonly used IQ tests, the Wechsler series, only go up to 160 and have a ceiling in the 140s (i.e. technically the maximum score is 160 but in practice people don't score above the 140s even if they score higher on other tests with higher ceilings), few people do. You'd have to be given a Stanford-Binet (or some other less frequently used test) to get a score that high.

I'm fascinated by the way some people become recluses. One is a lady who lives down the lane from us. She's rarely seen outside, unless she's fixing up her house, and she doesn't answer if you knock on her door. No one knows very much about her, and I've noticed that her car moves maybe once a week. I'm not keen on talking with people and when I do, it's physically draining. I envy people who are so rich they can wall their self off from the world.

Hi Nettiespaghetti, I have made exactly the same discovery this week when reading "Solutions for Adults with Asperger Syndrome". I too have always thought that I read people correctly. Reading the text has really made me doubt that I was right and I probably wasn't, all my life. I wonder if it's going to help me to know this or perhaps it will make things more difficult. What's your experience so far?