She cleaned it!! !

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My mother cleaned my room. Granted, it has been in need of a cleaning, but we agreed that if I just took care of a couple parts of it this morning before work it'd be enough for now. So I did. I don't know if it wasn't to her satisfaction, or what, but my mother came in and cleaned my room while I was at work all day. She knows how I feel about her doing that sort of thing, yet she did it anyway. She's asleep now, so I can't even work off my anger by letting her know how upset I am.

I feel dizzy and kind of sick. I don't know what to do with myself.

Ohhh I hate when anyone cleans anything in this house...everything gets moved by that woman. Suddenly the Trash Can, which has always been in the pantry, is now next to the counter.....and the sock drawer has moved two slots down...and on and on...

Why is this such a bad thing? Did she throw away something that mattered to you?

My parents did that more times than I can count (sometimes right in front of me), so I learned to pretty much not get attached to anything. Sounds "cold" but kind of character-building, if you think about it.

It just really throws me off and confuses me. It doesn't feel like my room anymore. If she had done it while I was there atleast I would have seen it happen, and would also know where she moved things to.

Also, she threatened to clean it if I didn't do what she asked me to do. I did what she asked me to do (clean up my desk and dresser), and she still went ahead and cleaned!

It must be really irritating to have someone move your stuff, but at least it's clean now.

Its hard to find stuff when my rooms clean.

My mother used to do this to me all the time.
Then she started reading articles on hoarding, and seems to have given up.

I sympathise, Civet. It always felt like an invasion on my personal space when that heppened to me.

maybe you should send your mom to my mom's house. My mom loves when other people clean her house.
ack.

Have you tried explaining to your mom how it makes you feel when she does that?

Thankfully, my mother never cleaned my room. For one, she knew better and that I would pitch a fit, and secondly, it was always too daunting a task, lol.

So my rooms in the past would just pile up with stuff-- so much that I often abandoned bedrooms for new ones. In one condo we had, I ended up having essentially three bedrooms by the time we moved. But in my kid years it wasn't really dirty (well, except that it got dusty), but that I just had so much stuff-- and papers. In my teenage years I got a little... erm, grosser. And I moved into the basement. It's easy to be utterly messy in the basement, bugs crawling around, hehe. Good thing I never had any kind of insect phobia.

But I HATE IT when somebody even shifts my possessions. I just get paranoid enough with the thought of workmen from the apartment complex coming in to check or fix something.

I often just feel like throwing a tantrum and screaming "MINE!! !", but I refrain.

my room is forbidden to anyone who does not belong in there , and only me.

My mother would clean My room and I would hate it but it truly never bothered Me in the end for I know even she LOVED ME in the end of all the cleaning she did. It was was the way she did things in Our lives. It may have never made any since but it made since to her to do do what what she thought to her in the end. That is LIFE in the end isn't not.

Civet,what is your age?
if you're 18+,how about asking if you can have a lock put on your door,so it can be locked from the outside with a key?

I have exactly the same problem as you,and my mum did the same thing a few days ago,I ended up having a melt down and broke the bathroom door off it's hinges,hit myself,punched my mum and ended up being told to move somewhere that can cope with me,my mum was drunk at the time and she only ever changes my room around when she's in that state.
She knows what affect it has on me,my sister and dad reminds her often enough.

You did your part of the comprimise,your mum should have done her part to and not reordered your room.
Speak to her again,tell her why you do not like it,write a contract out stating you will clean the room and your mum will leave it alone,both sign it.
Maybe stick it up on the outside of bedroom door.

Civ, my best advice is to just make yourself stay on top of it. It sucks when your trying to push through so much innertia and the executive functioning stuff but if you can take on a cocky and ambitious attitude about hacking your way through it and doing the things you need to do (whether its cleaning your room, doing the laundry, getting the bills and taxes taken care of, etc.) it's well worth the payoff in terms of how much it bumps up your confidence. Especially if you have a good relationship with your mom and don't wanna get into it with her over this stuff it's probably the best way you can make her step back, realize that your definitely not a kid anymore, and enforce her respect of your self-sufficiency and personal space.

Then again if you already are on top of it and she's just a compulsive cleaner then yeah, politely tell her that you have it handled and that you'd prefer that she trust you at your work and just leave things as they are.

Yes. She knows it upsets me. That's why she threatened to do it in order to get me to clean.

She said she wanted to clean my room. I told her no. She said she wanted to help me clean, and I told her we could do that, but not until I have enough time to do a major overhaul.



I'm 22. Just living in the house is kind of pushing it, I think. I really can't make requests like that. I'm trying to save enough money to move out and find a job that pays better and does not make me want to kill myself. (Please note, I'm not suicidal, but my job really depresses me and causes me a lot of anxiety.)



You're probably right, but I've been having a very difficult time. I'm working 32-35 hours a week in a retail job that I hate. It has me so stressed out all the time (because my manager is a jerk, I am a hard worker, everyone agrees, and nothing is enough for him). I am also working on an illustration job on the side, which takes a lot of my "free time" at home. I'm also still trying to recover from tendonitis in possibly both wrists, which is costing a lot of money (2 trips a week to PT) a lot of time (stretches every day), and is really hindering my job search (I can't do lifting, and I can't take any job that requires excessive computer use, like graphic designing or even data entry). When I do relax and do things for myself, my mother sees this as a "waste of time," since she does not need as much down-time as I do, she doesn't seem to understand my need to de-stress.

I told her I was going to really really clean my room (it is in need of the removal of furniture ect, which thankfully she didn't do) after I am finished with the illustration job by the end of the month. She seems to think I'm just procrastinating, but I am just trying to schedule my time without going into serious overload.

I have been making steps to get my life in order, because it is a mess right now. I am just not doing it quickly enough or in a manner that she seems to approve of.

I had a lock put on the inside myself that only I knew how to undo properly. Not a key lock, more like one of those slidey locks. I came home from school and found my door busted upon and the lock on the floor.

I hate when people move stuff in my room when I'm not there. I have minor OCD about stuff like that. My room may be a junkpile to some, but to me, it's MY JUNKPILE.