Different types of meltdowns..

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I must admit I've never framed it this way before, as a melt or shutdown, but I've always had a quick temper, feelings of oncoming panic, foggy/chaotic thinking when overwhelmed. I've only recently received a dx of Aspergers but it's all starting to fall into place.

I wouldn't say that I've ever had a full on melt-down, perhaps due to the fact that my Aspergeryness is quite subtle, however understanding the mental fog and chaos in this way is quite helpful.

What I'd also like to add is that I find that my breathing becomes quite shallow*, which seems to exacerbate the spaced-outness. Does anyone else experience this?

*Strangely enough not rapid, but very gently shallow, not panicky at all...

I had a pretty embarrassing one last year in public, first time it happened in probably 6 years, and I had a similar one a few months before thta in front of my family. I just blow up for a few minutes and then either cry and go completely silent for the rest of the day, or start banging my head on something. the head banging during the last one was embarrassing,..it wasn't TOTALLY in public, it was at my mother's rehab center but I still can't believe it happened.

I just get so angry that I go into a surreal state, I really can't control it. sometimes I have mini-meltdowns where I just stop taking in information. I don't freak out or anything, i just stop talking. It's kind of like a panic attack. They could last for an hour or for the rest of the day.

I used to get these at work too. I seemed veryyyy calm and shutting down actually helped me get work done but it's not a good feeling. I get the unfocused eyes as well.

i have implosions and explosions.

sometimes i steam for awhile (very much like Relicanth describes) and then erupt. i no longer have control over what i'm saying. i storm out of places. sometimes i throw things. i threw a shoe at a friend a few years ago, intending to hit him in the face. recently i threw my phone across a room and broke it. that one was quick - *snap* throw phone, over.

sometimes i go fetal and sob. sometimes i beat myself up internally with my thoughts, and there may be no external manifestation. crying exhausts me to sleep. the more outward explosions seem to get it out of my system a lot quicker.

i get that too.
and if anyone talks to me in that state i snap and snap. voices / questions hurt. this i have described in therapy as a little gnome inside my head turning screws, or gnats flying around my head that i am desperately trying to swat away. my own voice hurts.



if this is a shutdown, i get those as described as well. i will go almost non-verbal, and for me it happens as a direct response to certain kinds of emotional conflict, where the other (explosive) bits are a lot more varied in their origin - bright / loud place, criticism, confusion, frustration (or combo).

My biggest meltdown came in senior year of high school when I was tired of my punk-ass
classmates talking s**t to me. If I had a kitchen knife I would 've gladly used it on them,
even if I got arrested, I just wanted the crap to end.

My daughter had violent meltdowns until about age 14 when she nearly killed us all by kicking the back of the driver seat in our car whilst travelling. I had always seen these as much the same as the 'terrible two's - fours', we usually get with children. It is called 'infantile rage' and in NT adults is seen as a problem relating to how the separation between infant and primary carer, usually mother happened. By that I mean the child's process of understanding they are a) separate beings from their mothers' and b) have power. Socialisation in the famly is usually about setting fair but consistant boundaries of appropriate behaviour. Parents who just yell and kids or hit them never teach their children how to modulate their emotions and manage those frustrations. If it is not done properly at a young age adults can get stuck with it, hence 'road rage' and other over the top rants and rages.
Do you thing that is the problem with some AS people? My own daughter so scared herself and the rest of the family that when she stopped and was exhausted we hugged and I said, also exhausted, 'We can't do this again' and she nodded. She has not had a melt down since and she is 21 this year.

As a behaviour that must be so unacceptable out there in the world, can some of you choose to control it and others find that harder due to how your early years were handled or not?

I was punished for having meltdowns... either pinned down or spanked mid-meltdown, usually. Around seventeen I was so desperate to stop them that I started hurting myself to cope, which worked to some degree but carried problems of its own. Nowadays I tend to shut down instead.

And I don't have meltdowns because of mommy issues. It has nothing to do with my realizing I'm separate from Mom and make my own decisions... I learned that at age two. I have them because my brain refuses to process any more data, and things are too overwhelming to handle. Think of it as something like opening too many programs on an old computer.

I think tantrum is a degrading word. I have a lot of issues as a kid, things that hurt deep within my soul. Sure, adults could laugh at me because they thought I was just being silly. Doesn't mean I did not feel terrible.

I would never use the word tantrum about myself.

I have had both the curling up and sobbing (loudly) and the explosion -- yelling, throwing things. But I have only thrown things at my bf, I think I have enough of a feeling of sheepishness and embarrassment that I don't throw things in public. I once was so frustrated and angry in a public setting that I tossed a pen off the side, and I was standing behind a chair so I picked it up about an inch and slammed it down (not even that hard) and I was later accused of "throwing a chair".

The most recent meltdown I had was at home, when the stress of just having my roommate at the house, who wasn't doing anything at all to bother me, caused me so much stress I felt like I was vibrating.

What really bothers me is the idea that if you don't have "self control" then you are not a worthy person who deserves a place in society. I told my therapist that when I see people arguing in public I always side with the person who is yelling because I think she was clearly pushed to the limit, and not with the person who is being calm and saccharine, because I see that as manipulative, and she said, "Don't you think people should have more self control than that?" Uh, no.

Sometimes I think it's the right thing to do to let someone have it, even if I only do it when I am beside myself and everything floods over me at once. I usually feel awful and embarrassed after a meltdown but sometimes I just feel like I finally said what I really meant.

I have at least two types of meltdowns.

During the more common type of meltdowns I cry and sob, withdraw myself and try to be alone. I usually stim to soothe myself. I lose the ability to talk and I experience a lot of emotions. I usually feel angry, hurt, frustrated, exhausted, overwhelmed, embarrassed, sad etc., all at the same time. A million things are going through my mind, like I'm reminded of all the bad things and frustrations I've experienced. Usually it's really hard to get to be by myself, because people think they are helping by staying with me and trying to get me to talk about what's wrong, while I really just need to be by myself and cry and let my emotions out that way rather than through talking. My meltdowns are prolonged when I have to deal with "helpers" and process their "help" rather than just let the meltdown pass by and heal from it in solitude in some peaceful place without any extra things to overwhelm me. Those meltdowns can last anywhere from a few minutes up to a few hours, depending on how bad they are and on the circumstances.

The other type of meltdowns that I have, although rather rarely, is sudden, angry or irritated outbursts. I might yell at someone or be harsh with them, or if they are trying/doing something to me physically I react violently, like push them away. It is usually best if people don't react much when I have such outbursts. Then they usually pass by quickly and without any consequences and we can discuss things calmly afterwards if necessary, once the meltdown is over. The worst things people can do to me during such meltdowns is to try to use physical force with me (like holding me down or something) or to laugh at me or mock me for the meltdown. To them it may seem like I'm just overreacting about something, but I am having a meltdown and there is more going on inside my head and my system than what they can see and the meltdown is out of my control and feeling a lot worse for me than it is for them. When I have a meltdown like this and people react wrong to it, I usually try to leave the place I'm in immediately and go somewhere where I can be alone. The actual meltdown usually passes in a few minutes or well within an hour, but I might need more time to process other people's actions or reactions to my meltdown and calm down.

I agree. I see tantrums and meltdowns as two very different things. I think of tantrums as voluntary temper tantrums that are used as a tool to manipulate or get your way, like what toddlers do when they are testing the limits. I think of meltdowns as completely involuntary and out of our control, with no planned purpose or manipulation involved. Meltdowns feel really horrible for the person having them while I think a tantrum doesn't feel particularly bad. I find it insulting when autistic meltdowns are called tantrum, because I think that reduces them to petty and controllable behavior, which they aren't.

I'm very self-disciplined. Now this isn't related to meltdowns or anything, but...

One BIG problem. It strangely makes me so angry at myself, I go insane/act all masochistic/throw a pity party/etc. whenever something has to go everybody else's way. I do this because I think talking logically is either manipulative or weak. Porky Pig can do it with flair, but I usually can't (but I have done it before).

In my opinion, I try to act what I sadly think lacks backbone but, in reality, isn't (the calm Porky), but end up being Gabby Goat (which I think, unfortunately, is more appropriate). I wish I could simply be as optimistic as the 30s Daffy (which I adore)...but for now, I lack the capacity.

That's my problem. I don't know if this is a tantrum, meltdown, or something else.

With their meltdowns, why is it that Aspies havn't been given better treatment so that they can live better lives?

What is the point of the whole AS condition if no one in the NT world gives a damm?

important distinction though between a meltdown and an anger management problem. a meltdown can completely lack an emotional source. in that case there is no managing it; it's best managed externally, by removing oneself from the environment. so the point of self-control is sometimes moot. although i do see the saccharine as manipulation also, at times. it says "i don't understand you; so would you just shut up?" to which the only rational response is "not until you hear me!"



this is a good point, and maybe sometimes self control is actually part of the problem. i forcibly suffocate a lot of my thoughts and opinions lest i come across as heartless or rude, and post-eruption i sometimes feel that way too. if it was ok by everyone else to be the way i am (and my words were interpreted correctly), i could express myself freely all day long resulting in fewer meltdowns. some of them for certain are cathartic, even if the real world results are regrettable.

I agree that anger management problems and meltdowns are two different things, but to outsiders they look the same if the meltdown involves yelling, throwing things, etc. So the reaction is that we are pitiable, embarrassing people who don't have the self control that civilized adults are supposed to have, and we are treated accordingly.

And of course anger can be used manipulatively too (but certainly not during a meltdown).
I think that in some cultures being straightforward, and even getting angry, is much more acceptable than in American culture. (But we would still have the problem of our words being interpreted correctly.)

I think that because being angry and outspoken is so frowned on in our culture, angry statements never get listened to, because only the most uncontrolled or manipulative are seen as people who would "indulge" in anger. Whereas if anger were allowed. and more common, then angry outbursts would get more respect and listened to for content instead of just for the emotion and aggressiveness perceived in them.

When i was little i had severe tantrums, throwing things at doors and hitting people. i know it wasnt for attention, even though everyone thought it was. nowadays i burst inwards, sort of implode. i am very uncomfortable showing any emotion around people unless they REALLY get me going. In a minor meltdown, i f you call it that...
If someone makes me jump, (i HATE THAT) then I would scream "Stop it!" and break down or run away...then feel all shaken up and nervous. ifits a major one, i would either scream or burst inot tears, or remove myself from the room/place, go somehwere private, and cry my eyes out, punch things, bite things, break things...etc, but quietly...
Its been a long time since i had a really full-on one, but i frequently punch my computer keyboard and my bed.

I used to have really bad ones when i was a kid maybe 11 or 12. I would chase people with whatever i had in my hand with full intent of harming them. Be it a soda bottle, plastic fork or a shoe i went after those people whom actually most of them were my friends but that day they put me over the edge. I remember not being able to stop the rage and barely being able to see from the tears coming out of my eyes.