HI I AM NEW HERE! CAN YOU HELP ME FIND SOME ANSWERS

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Hi ,I have a 14 yr old neice that is having a few problems. She is very unsocial and some strange behaviors. She lives with her grandmother and grandfather and has since she was almost 2 yrs old. Her father is in prison and she was taken from her mother (no abuse in this situation). i have been in this family for only six years and have notice that my neice is not doing the normal things that my own daughter or her younger sibling do. (boys, phone laughing and giggling things like that). She however sleeps all day and stays awake all night, dresses up as fictional characters (ninja's, hunchbacks, fairys, cats etc...) she also will not ask when she wants to do something. for exaple she wants to get on the computer but instead of asking she paces the floor in front of the computer and waits for someone to ask her if that is what she wants to do. And she gets really exited sounding when you tell her it will be ok if she gets on the computer( clapps and shakes her head yes). She also gets very upset when she can't do something she wants to do and will not speak at all and locks herself in her room. Can anyone help me with this?

Hello, Welcome!

First of all, I'm sorry about your difficulties, but I have some further questions. How is your niece doing in school? Does she talk a lot about things that she is interested in or does she spend a lot of time by herself obsessing over things without verbalizing these obsessions?

Your neice sounds like she could be HFA. We might be able to gie you some advice, but she would be much better off seeing a psychologist that is experience with Autism Spectrum Disorders. Your time might be best spent finding information to present a compelling case for her grandparents to take her to a psychologist.

thanks for the responses, alex you ask about school. Well she is a homeschooled child when she has school, that itself is anther issue I have. She is supposed to be homeschool and has been in homeschool for atleast 8 years.

That is probably a big factor. I don't know how she can learn the social skills she needs if she is never around other people her age. You might want to try getting her into a school, because she is eventually going to have to go away to college. If she doesn't have the social skills from HS, she might have a lot of trouble in college.

I agree with you Alex, but I have been saying that myself for 6 years. I am still trying however. And Sean to reply to you that is what I am trying to do. Find all the info i can to present to grandmother and grandfather. Me and my husband are doing all we can.

welcome to wp, i hope most of the answers you are looking for will be found here, so you can better understand your niece.

thanks so much for making me feel welcome here and maybe I will find the answers I am looking for. I think she is in need of help and I want to try and get it for her or help them see that she needs help intead of just thinking that the way she acts and things she does is just funny.

If I may ask, is there a particular reason she is being homeschooled? I don't homeschool but I know a lot of people who do and the socialization peice can be supplied in other ways (although it may not be in this case).

The reason I ask is that schools see so many children! They can help the grandparents understand that this is not usual behavior and that the child should be evaluated.

Another question is why was she removed from the mother. If there was no abuse was it do to the mother's health issues? So many things are genetic that that may be a place to start looking.

BeeBee

As a girl who loves to dress up as fantasy characters, had no interest in boys till I was 17, hates long giggly phone conversations, hasn't always known how to ask people for what I want, and frequently hides in a private room when I'm upset, I've got to say... I find it rather offensive that you consider all these things pathological and in need of fixing. How is this girl hurting anyone by being a bit weird? Will it really help her if you make it clear that her personality quirks are something to be seriously worried about because they're not "normal" enough?

I say first try to figure out if she is happy, and then figure out in what ways she is not happy, and in what ways she is happy, if the things that do make her happy are adaptive, they embrace them, no matter how weird they are. Almost always the most gracious act of love you can give to someone is to support them. If they are maladaptive try to explain to her that she'll have to find new ways to be happy. Also in the ways she is unhappy, try to solve her problems for her and work with her to make her happy. Be patient and supportive and you can't go wrong.

I agree that the first post is worded a bit strongly but it sounds, to me, as it this girl could use some life skills training, like asking for what she wants instead of waiting for it to be given.

I certainly can't say if she's even on the ADS based on the info given.

I know people who dress up, and they would be nocturnal is it was practical. Going off what I heard, I don't understand what's wrong with her.

I concur that this is definitely not a good thing, in general. This is, of course, considering she has no other out-of-home activities. Not only does she need social skills, but she's going to need friends. I have a friend who's been homeschooled his whole life, and he's very sad that he has no IRL friends (IRL meaning "in real life").

You should definitely try to teach her to ask for what she wants. That's the kind of thing I used to do (and still do on occasion). It's because I don't know how to ask what I want, or I feel that I'm imposing upon others if I'm straight-forward. That is something that can be overcome, I think.

As for the computer... don't deprive her of that -this is coming from a boy who's on the computer for about twelve hours a day, if not more-

The dressing up thing is actually more-or-less normal, I think. I bet she loves Hallowe'en, too ^__^ Anyway, even as old as she is, there is nothing wrong with dressing up as a character. My sister does it, and I used to do it, too. My friends did it, and some still do. It can actually be a very positive thing, even a creative outlet, if you will. Does she make her own things? That might be a nifty skill to hone in on.

Personally, I can't stand people who gawk over members of the opposite sex like cows, especially when their out of reach and, for all purposes, unreal. Perhaps, however, if she were in an environment where she could interact with boys, she could learn to grow an affinity for them.

It's not good to sleep all day every day. It's nice every once in a while, but probably unhealthy. Truthfully, if I were homeschooled, I'd sleep in all day, too, and stay up all night on the computer.
If she gets regular sleep, but stays up late, I see no problem with that since she seems to not have to adhere much to a schedule.

tokorode... Alex asked about school, you mentioned she was homeschooled. Well, I'd like to know how she's doing in her subjects. Is she passing, failing? ¿que pasa?

I'm sorry if I missed a point or two in my reply (meaning, I apologize for any misconceptions I may have had), but I hope my two cents helped somewhat. I'll be watching this post, though, so do respond, obasan!

Yours,
Buck Daniel Masters

I am really thankful for all the replies that I am getting, however Pyaxis I didn't intend to offend anyone and If I have I am relly sorry. I am really trying to find out if she needs to be helped and not just left alone. I wasn't sure if maybe it was the fact that she wasn't in a social surrounding all the time if that could be why she acts the way she does. She is homeschooled and they used to do alot with homeschool groups but in the last few years It has stopped and most of the time there is NO SCHOOL. There is no set schedule which allows here to stay up all night and sleep all day. This is not healty. Her other sibling is a bit hyper however she acts and is normal acting. I just want her to have some resources there if she would need them. They know she is not like other kids and that is why they choose to homeschool, however putting a bandaid on the situation I feel is doing this child no favors. I know children in school are picked on (they are all) and children can be so creul. But, being stuck inside all her life is not helping her either. As for the question concerning why mom doesn't have custody, its because of mom that dad is where he is and she isn't fit to raise a dog more less a child. She willing gave up her rights as a parent and didn't want the responsibility.

Husky as for some answers to your questions her grades I am unsure of she is behind in alot of things because sche doesn't have school much. Her grandmother had been in school herself and hasn't had much time to teach them and she absolutely refuses public school and can't afford a private school. She is affraid of public school because she doesn't want her picked on. I feel like the social surrounding might help her some