Do NTs get upset because you dont socialise all the time?

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My parents regularly get annoyed at me because I dont socialise all the time and it's very annoying, it's like they expect me to go mad if I dont socialise constantly and are confused that I dont, the thing is they seem to actually be sad that I am not talking to them all the time and it's very annoying for both me and them.

Does this kind of stuff happen to you?

Always, but not with my immediate faimly. They are pretty used to me being a loner, but I get some stick from other relatives. They often complain that I'm rude and aloof. I stick out when amongst them, because most of them are very outspoken.

I have had cousins tell me that I am rude by just sitting in the corner not talking to anyone.

Yes. NTs like me, but I don't really like them.

It's so draining to socialize... I know how to do it now but it takes a lot out of me. Real socializing is like being on a stage of high wire.

Also, I don't see any point because they are mostly phony people anyways. The only NTs worth coming out of my shell for are family, etc. and only when they are being real, not being phony.

I don't really like most NTs, anyways, b/c I think they're corrupt and narcissistic.

My family doesn't complain much because they really don't care. I think I'm one of those people that they are like, "Oh no, i got to deal with her again." I know because that's how they are with my Aunt Carol who I think is Aspie. My mom has her Freudian slip by calling me Carol on occasion.

Now my best friend gets mad when I don't call a lot, especially when I don't answer when she calls me (which I don't answer when I don't hear the phone most of the time). But, when you sit there and criticize everything about my life, and argue with me asking me to prove everything I say, I mean, duh? She's only been that way since I had kids. I can't hate her because my daughter's middle name is her daughter (who past away at age two the day I found out I was pregnant) first name, and she is my baby's godmother. So I distance myself so I don't hate her. We have to be friends for life now, but I shouldn't have to subject myself to that kind of abuse. I figure she'll wise up sooner or later.

Nobody has ever really expected me to socialize with other people. In fact, they are always trying to get me not to and keep to myself in fear I might embarrass them by saying something socially stupid, or with family, because they can't stand listening to me. All my life, I heard, "let me do all the talking. Don't say anything," or "you can go if you promise to sit quietly and not say anything." Two of my mom's best friends are my old teachers, and she never lets me hang out with them. One time I wanted to go to an Aspergers Workshop geared to psychologists that my mom was already going to, and I was willing to pay for it all myself even without her discount, and my mom seriously tried to talk me out of it (and ended up doing so) because she was afraid I'd ask the speaker too many questions and start arguing with him/her and she was afraid that would also interfere with her whole learning experience.

To a degree, yes. My parents and some of my old teachers from high school have sometimes given me sh** for not socializing as much as everyone else, and that does get real annoying real fast.

NTs do like me as far as I can see, but I really do not care a sh*t for the vast majority of them.
Socialization can be a real pain in my ass, and I am growing quite weary of having to appear "normal" and cater to the whims of a society to which I owe nothing at all.

The only NTs that are even worth dealing with are my family and very close friends. As for all the others, f**k 'em entirely - they are of less worth to me than the pennies in my wallet.
I myself only deal with other people completely on my own terms, or if I simply have no choice but to do so.
And the only other NTs who are of importance to me are my teachers, and ONLY because they give me my grades.

In the past, many NTs have called me a hateful/cynical/emotionless/compassion-less monster, but I really don't give a damn - especially not after I've had to put up with their bullcrap, teasing and bullying for most of my childhood/teenage years. And I don't owe those people anything anyways.
Numerous people have tried to get me to 'come out of my shell' but I simply don't feel like doing so. I'm comfortable within my shell, and if they don't like it, then tough sh**.

In the course of nearly a decade, I have developed a strong distrust and hatred of NTs (and pretty much all other people except my family & the few friends I have), because from my own experiences I have found the vast majority of them to be quite ignorant, fake, shallow, and stupid. And yet they claim to be "normal" and state that people like me are the ones with the problem, and that REALLY pisses me off.
If being "normal" equates to having said traits, then I'm damn proud of the fact that I have AS.
To me, the vast majority of NTs are little more than pathetic brainwashed sheep, completely at one with the collective herd of other mindless drones otherwise known as society at large.

ha, yes. my mother used to always get onto me about it.

She would point to my oldest brother (the more-than-likely-aspie himself) and say, "you see him? he sits by himself in his room all day on the computer, no friends, never goes out, never does anything; do you want to be like him??"
Mom was very normal socially and could not understand why my brother and I did not seem to be willing participants in society. Heck, I didn't understand it either until lately, so I don't blame any of those NT's who've tried to force me to smile and make eye contact, even when it horrified me.

Not that I'm aware of.

(Being a hermit is awesome.)

I envy you..... I wish I was a hermit

My friends have the regular brain paths present. I love them and they love me. To each their own.

Not upset, in the sense that they feel that I'm doing something wrong. They wish I had more people to talk to as they are pretty much it in real life.

They were more upset and frustrated when I was a teen, but they've pretty much accepted that it's not going to happen now!

No one can talk all the time. Sounds like your family are in excessive worry mode. If they can get you talking all the time and used to that you'll do better.
My mother didn't care if I talked all the time when we lived together. Her thing was jobs. She nagged me about finding a job constantly. She didn't care about my social skills or inability to deal with other people or the fact that darn near everyone thought I was insane or freaky or completely brainless and that might cause someone to throw my application in the trash. That was lost on her.

Yeah at times i actuslly like being on my own.
i like socialising an i like being with ppl
but at times i feel like i need to be on my own.. get what i mean?
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You have quite a pithy way with words. I agree with almost everything you said. However, this is a stage in my development of a social mind, so I do want to add qualifying comments to your punchy ones below.

My family knows that I can perform socially now, so they seem to demand/expect it of me. It takes a lot out of me and I don't see why I need to do it just to make them feel comfortable with me. If it's for some other, important purpose, it's worth the energy drain and stress, but I don't see why I have to turn on my socializing capacity just to be with them, just so they're not uncomfortable with my AS-ness.



Socialization skill is how they value and rank each other, so if you don't engage in the social hierarchy and influence-negotiation with them, they think you're stupid and irrelevant. My problem is that I think they are stupid and irrelevant because their narcissistic, phony social games are totally uninteresting and lame to me, and many NTs have little else in their personal landscape. So my feeling is that although NTs want to like me and seem to easily be impressed if I try hard, and although I know how to socialize now if I put on a big effort, I have no motivation. I really don't like most of them. Perhaps when socializing comes easier and it's not much of an energy drain and doing so is trivial, I will start playing their social identity games, but for now it's just all Ego-chatter and status talk between phonies that I don't want to get involved in.



That's a good way to filter users out of one's life. AS can drive themselves crazy trying to be what they think others need to be, in order to please/appease NTs who don't value them. I've found that those who will appreciate and understand you are those who will make the effort up front. The NTs who can't or won't see you on your own terms at any level are the ones you will waste your time trying to please. It is better to develop ways to sort the never-will-be-satisfied NTs from the can-see-you-on-your-terms early on.

It's possible to train other NTs to see you on your terms, but you have to manipulate them psychologically and rhetorically to get them to that point, to see you in your own frame of reference. That takes considerable social skill and a lot of insight into that person.



It is stressful and distressing for many AS to socialize. I think NTs don't realize that it is healthier emotionally and psychologically for AS to have the space they need. I get sick and stressed and defensive if I am not alone enough.



This sounds exaggerated, but I agree with you. Most AS have a very Pollyannish view of what NTs are like, because they don't have ToM and can't see under their surfaces. Some AS idolize and worship NTs, and have low self-esteem and hate themselves. If only they could see what most NTs are under the faces and images that NTs present to the world... most AS would have much better self esteem and not admire NTs quite so much.



I think that being phony, etc, is a function of Ego and stupidity. Most people have high opinions of themselves and will work hard to live up to their self-image. It's mostly the stupid or incompetent ones who start pretending, because they can't live up to their self-images in honest ways. So they start pretending and lying. Just like any cheating, if you can do it honestly, you don't have to cheat.



According to the recent rerun of the Milgram experiment, "most" = about 70 percent, when it comes to abusing someone else if you think the group gives you permission and expects you to do it.

EDITED TO ADD: I had to come back to add that I believe the above statements are true for NTs in groups. Individually, they are totally different than they are in groups.

Sometimes. My parents just want me to get out of my room more often and tell me I will regret it if I don't go to family gatherings.

YEP!! !! !! !! !