Do you think slightly autistic people have backbone?

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And no, I am not referring to the physical human spine, I am referring to the metaphorical spine, the ability to stand up for one's self physically or verbally.

From my own life, I have always been overly passive, much to my dismay and annoyance. Whenever confronted with aggression or something new and unsure, I find myself short circuiting and going straight into "fear mode", where I become a scared little b***h who can't stand up for himself and can't feel anger, but can fully feel fear and confusion.

I wonder if this is a trend, if most slightly autistic people are passive to the point of being little more than "yes men" who live their lives without fully being able to stand up for their ideas and beliefs because they mentally have extreme difficulty doing it. How embarrassing it is when you are so passive that any aggression makes you scared when you should be angry.

I don't think this is a defining characteristic. Some are. Not all, probably not most.

I do think assertiveness can be learned, though.

As a kid, I was bullied and typically wouldn't stand up for myself. As an adult, it's a little easier to stand up for myself or others, but that's also gotten me into trouble, because I'm seen as having a problem with authority, and will readily start an argument if I think I'm being bullied or treated unfairly. The reality is that I'm really sensitive and tend to get overemotional when I feel like I'm being attacked.

I was extremely passive as a child, partly because it was the only way I had any success in dealing with the bullies. Female bullies want you to cry and I just froze into immobility so they lost interest. I think Tony Attwood says that some Aspie girls deal with it by totally passive and that was definitely me. I cringe now when I think how I left my mum to manage my whole life, down to inviting children for me to play with, picking my degree subject and sending me to classes that made me sick with terror - but I was totally unable to tell anyone how much I hated it. I thought that the only thing to do with my horrible life was just put my head down and endure it. Once you've discovered this about yourself intellectually you can begin to deal with it, but I still have to avoid any kind of face to face confrontation.

I also have issues standing up for myself but with me it's more an issue of how I go about it. When confronted with intense emotions I often find myself at a loss for words. I don't know how to give a measured response when I feel like someone's being abusive or treating me unfairly. Whenver I confront a person the floodgates of rage eventually open full force and then all hell breaks loose. I've been in trouble for responding to people with death threats.

When I was bullied in school I usually had no idea how to defend myself verbally so I often went into this frozen silent state where I felt like a wild animal backed into a corner - sort of a mixture of fear and rage. I occasionally attacked people with extreme rage and violence and got a reputation for being slightly psychotic. I remember one time I dug my fingers hard into one of the neighbor kids' neck after being messed with for too long. At one point kids were very afraid of me.

i remember going almost aggressive, when i felt that i was being treated unfairly. but many times people underestimated me and i created a defence mechanism when i didn't need any people to support me in anything, i just spent my time on my own, let others think about me whatever they wanted, quietly followed my dreams. now, i have achieved things that bring respect and people don't underestimate me anymore.

My vote is for passive, fear, panic, etc. for even little things. Anxiety for everything else. I had to learn what courage was by reading about it and listening to hero type guys talk about it in the movies. Over the years I've been able to figure out a realistic defination of courage, and use it when I need it. But it made my growing up years very difficult at times.

Eh, no.

I'm not sure about 'slighty' autistic...

But autistic people can definitely be absolutely stubborn, oppositional and resist.

I am.

With time I learnt to cooperate which is vital and often really comfortable.

But when I was a kid, these were very defining characteristic of my personality. 'Oh, the kid's so stubborn and won't give in' haha heard that all the time.

I can be really stubborn, unfortunately this gives problems. But the opposite is also true, when I do not have a (direct) interest, I do not care. Then I give in really easy.

i dont know if its true for all others but certainly true for myself.i am socially passive.i cannot defend myself when i need to.i dont know why this happens.but may be because of lack of instant recalling of vocabulary needed,lack of practical understanding and experience and for immediate fear and anxiety caused by possibility of rejection.

i am cowardly in some ways.
i am terrified of heights. not while in an aeroplane or in a building, but if i have to rely on me retaining my sanity, and holding on to rails and walking at great heights, i would freeze. i have never lost sanity, but if i was on a scaffold plank 3 feet wide and 800 feet in the air with no harness, and i had to walk between 2 buildings with no hand rail, i would panic so much about remaining sane, that i would lie on the plank and hug it with my eyes closed and i would be seized in terror.
i could never think of scaling mountains or rock climbing.
i could never bungee jump.

also i will not swim in deep water. i can not imagine what is under me and the thought freaks me out. especially if the water is murky.
i would feel very queasy on an ocean liner in the middle of the ocean because i know that there is no land under me for maybe 12000-20000 feet.
when i am in propeller aircraft that cruise at 20000 feet, i look down and think "wow!! that is how deep the ocean is".

but as far as standing up for myself with people, i am not able to prevent my anger spilling out when i lose my composure. however i fail at successfully standing up for myself because i make a scene that looks crazy, and they win.

example
the other day in the local butcher shop which i rarely use, i was waiting to be served and it seemed that everyone who walked in was pushing a pram or had toddlers. they expected service before me. the 3 butcher fellows were all very much "ocker" family men, and they responded eagerly when a new person pushed a pram in.
i was ignored by the butchers, and when i caught a glimpse of the faces of the ladies (and a man too) with prams pushing in, i saw that they had no qualms about pushing in front of me because they had a baby. (well i assumed that anyway)
i may look unemployed and single because i was in tracksuit pants and a tee shirt at 11 am on a weekday, so they think that they and their baby should not have to spend time waiting behind me. (i am not unemployed. i work from home and i am busy too)

so everyone assumed it was the correct thing to do to serve the people with babies and toddlers first, as they are more important, and they proceeded with their business in ignorance.
but people kept walking in with kids and i realized i would not be served for quite some time.

i suddenly sighed loudly and said "christ!! !" , and everybody stopped talking, and i said to the butchers "well it seems i'm out. you have to be pushing a pram to get served in this f*cking place!! !" then i started to walk out and i stopped and said to one confused face "i have been waiting for 15 minutes, and 30 people have been served and i am not going to get served until all the babies have gone, so i am going".

she was very frightened that i was crazy and said nothing to me as i stormed out. no one reacted and they seemed relieved to have me out of the shop.

so i got 10 paces away and i went back (silly me) and i shouted at them "that's probably why you all got a partner and had a f*cking baby!! !! so you could get served at the butchers!! !!"

that only served to make them think i was very disturbed, and the look on their faces were the human equivalents of chickens expressions when a fox gets into their pen.

i realized i had to leave there after that, as some authority (security) would certainly be on it's way.

as i was walking to the car i was thinking of "p" words. i was angry. i thought "progeny parading, pram pushing primadonna's ! !!" and other things. finally as i got to the car i thought of the men who push the prams for their wives as "pectoral pounding primates pushing prams"
it seemed to be in the same rhythm as the stupid song "happy smiling people holding hands", so i sang my lyric in that tune as i exited the car park. i giggled and had fun with the concept and went home. but i did not have any meat, and i can not go back to that butcher shop again soon, so my dramatic tantrum was to my detriment.

i usually get meat from the large supermarket called "woolworths". i will not try the other butcher again.

I think I agree with Dussel.

Whereas most NTs intuitively know which situations require them to demonstrate strength of character/will power, we are completely oblivious and this appears as weakness. Fear and anxiety are conditioned responses to rejection, alienation, bullying etc. but as they say 'knowledge is power' and i believe aspies (perhaps not autistics) are better equipped than most NTs to develop that power.

I came across this book by chance & wish i had found it years ago ! ! dont let the title put you of, you will be suprised in what you read & everything should fall into place, well it has done for me. It is called " shyness a bold new approach" by Bernardo J. Carducci, phd. give it a go, you have nothing to lose.

I started standing up for myself a bit more in middle school. I still have yet to see my twin brother stand up for himself. Usually it's just when somebody makes an incorrect/derogatory claim about me, Like in gym class where one of the older guys was talking about how sucky I was at sports, or something along those lines. I never yell at them, yelling just always seems to start arguments. I have yet to get in a yelling argument with anybody but a close friend of mine, because he is very irritating and I practically have to raise my voice else he will not take me serious. Even then it wasn't like violent arguing.