How you see me.

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I felt like doing this, to show how I am if you were to bump into me in person. There's no voice over, as that'd be unrealistic; you can't read me, just as I can't read you.

I wouldn't respond at all to you (no looking), and you'd notice the curled hand, flapping and swaying (plus sensory seeking by staring at lights). Self-harm is visible.

This is who I am, not these words.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhJOQCw2XsA#[/youtube]

What a powerful post.

ok that made me laugh, sorry im not trying to be disrespectful but thats some serious autism? are you do you have full blown autism? i used to shake my hand slapping my fingers together but thankfully i dont have any hardcore stims like that

Autistic Disorder; severe as an infant, mild as a child and moderate as an adult.

Usually both hands flap, but the other one was holding the camera.

Yes, people stare at me, and no, I don't know what they think; it's uncontrollable.

This is Autism.

why do i suddenly feel like i am at a 3 day 2 nite autism retreat/confrence in this topic?

You there, Tube topic

Knowing me, I would have gotten out of the way, as I do not like being near others, regardless of their demeanor. I certainly do not stare.

Everyone's autism is expressed differently. Thanks for sharing.

I don't see anything unusual in the video. You are just enjoying tapping your hand. Lots of people do that. You sound like a very intelligent person too.

Daniel, I got interested when you wrote about handcurling, because I make a kind of handcurling too. A kind that is similar to yours, I found out. But usually only with one hand at a time.
Eg. when I am going to sleep, or when I sit on eg. a couch, I may sit with the back of the hand on the place beside me in a kind of handcurling posture. (Not sure how to describe it.)
It feels kind of relaxing, I have wondered about that myself because it didn't "ought to" be, but it is.
I don't flap while curling the hand though (but flap at other times).

^ what he said. If I were to come across you in person, I wouldn't find you strange. I'd think, "He has a really nice facial bone structure" (cause you do, though that's beside the point)

Ever since I've joined you've been one of my favorite posters.

To tell you the truth, I would probably be just like sartresue, I would probably leave you to yourself. I try not to stare.

It IS odd. I have wondered how people see me. It is like the time that I was in a compartment, saw two JERKS enter it, and they basically encouraged another to leave. They later INSTANTLY treated me differently when they realized I was American, like they were. The other guy, like the country we were in, was German. Anyway, it took them a while to determine I was American, because I didn't talk the whole time.

Inteligence is sometimes not that obvious. In your video, you seemed to not have any carem and to be content, MAYBE evven pensive. Thatt video doesn't give enough info to make any real judgements about you. As for the curled/shaking hand, that doesn't even really scream autism.

Did it not feel a bit contrived and artificial, filming yourself like that? I just wondered how natural it felt, knowing that it was being filmed.

I always enjoy reading your posts, and now I know you're good looking as well.

And yeah, it does come across to me as being autistic behaviour.

brutally honest - the transparency of who you really are. I am always honoured to see the realness of people in this way.

i am so often amazed at the distinctions between the inner and the outer with autism. THis happens in varying degrees to most people truly on the specrum - some more pronounced than others.

With you daniel, it seems there is a great demarcation line - there are the words - the incredible articulations on subjects you understand and know so much about, which for me - resonate as some of the most powerful on WP - and then there is the outer - which presents a different articulation - an articulation of sensory stuff...almost animal...and i mean that in the purest and best sense. (animals are the best things in the world.)

this is how i live sometimes and then not others.
In therapy or in any high pressure, stress situations - where i am realy out of routine or there is too much going on - i fixate on lights, patterns, fans and grids - but i am very verbal and can do articulate monologues. on bad days, when my sensory issues are at a high, it is very painful and i can present more like your vid, but i can reach out through words.

the vid is really great. thank you for showing us more of who you are.

It looked normal to me.

Yup. Pretty normal to me, too. Well, autistic-normal, but you know what I mean. It's not like I'm suddenly appalled at your "odd" movements and obvious autistic-ness. I make those same movements myself. Well, except my arms are generally out to the side instead of in front. Your stims would look pretty familiar to anyone on the spectrum, I think.

Are you moving your head to look at lights from different angles? When I do that, generally I'm more swaying side to side, with not so much neck movement.

The behaviour is so ingrained, that I can easily feel what it's like when I'm not in my bedroom, locked [by choice] away from the scary world (however, I do do the hand things at home too quite often). I showed it to my mother, and she said it was spot on, so hey, good "acting" I say. You won't notice the swaying much, as the camera is stabilised by my hand.

Callista, Spokane_Girl,

Yeah, I'm sure I appear normal for someone with autism, especially if you've seen people with it (or you have it, like in your cases). The big point is, that if you were to approach me and ask me something; that's what you'd get (well, I'd probably start walking away too); aloof behaviour. Callista, when I look up, I'm looking at the various light projections across the ceiling (it's captivating); I don't know why I turn my head around at eye level, but it's something I do (I think an automatic response to avoid eye contact). There's many motor mannerisms I do that aren't depicted, but they're rarer. It's good to see that you two think that it's normal enough.

millie, 2ukenkerl, et al, thanks for your comments.

my mom says I curl my hands all the time, lol.