The invisible disability vs. the visible disability

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Did similar things happen to anybody else?

Being treated by a disabled person in a way that suddenly really disabled you?

I was on the bus and I just have to have ear plugs in and listen to music. I sometimes read too. From what I know about social rules, both make it really obvious that people aren't supposed to talk to me.

Some rude person with their annoying disability ID in their hand talked to me - didn't register with me, I have issues understanding people and knowing when they talk to me - and then started shoving her bloody ID in my face to make me get up. (Oh my gosh, don't shove things in my face!)

I got up slowly and barked at her 'you're welcome'. I was like really rude, but couldn't do anything about it. A) talking to me intensely, B) shoving things in my face and C) disturbing my routine sends me right into a overload. I have autism and that's part of the symptoms I have.

And I also thought it was just so unfair that people expect me to get up for 'the disabled person' when I'm disabled too!

I mean, she didn't check if I was disabled too.

She just expected me to be normal and to hurry away from her mighty disability-ishness.

And then, when I stood there people (though really friendly and sweet) talked to me bla bla bla and I just suddenly loudly tell to everybody 'shut bloody up!' For the same 3 reasons as above.

Everybody was staring at me. Ah, I don't think you get that too often that young adults staring at their books shout rudely at people. But then you don't have too many autistic people on buses either I think.

Of course nobody even for one moment thought they couldn't talk talk talk at/to/whatever me. Because 'I have autism' isn't imprinted to my forehead.

It annoys me that people - even disabled people! - think that unless you shove your disability right into their face you're normal.

So... get a card that says you have autism?

She had no idea you weren't processing her speech, though. She must have thought you were some NT who just didn't want to move. I'd get pissy, too... unless I thought of the possibility of an invisible disability... which not everybody thinks of, and she mustn't have been. They probably get a lot of people getting annoyed and mean to them, especially when they don't have a wheelchair as a visible symbol of disability, that they get kind of defensive and assume prejudice when it isn't there.

Anyway, people with cognitive disabilities don't usually need the same accommodations that people with physical ones do. There's no particular reason I would need a ramp or an elevator, for example. And only a few autistic people really need handicapped parking spaces. So yeah, for the purposes of physical accommodations, you're just about the same as a non-disabled NT.

If you do need some accommodation--like a handicapped parking space, permission to sit at the front of the bus, etc.--then you need to be able to prove that you have a disability. You really just need something like a MedicAlert bracelet or an ID card or, for parking spaces, a handicapped tag. The point is to ensure that people know you have a legitimate need, rather than you're just being a jerk because it's more convenient and you're selfish.

I do know that a few people with physical disabilities look down on people with cognitive impairments and mental illnesses, though it's no good assuming that unless you've got good proof it's there. If anything, disabled people need to stick together--there's enough of us out there to really make some changes happen, and those would benefit everybody.

Last edited by Callista on 01 Apr 2009, 11:09 am, edited 1 time in total.

what a great idea, autism hobby cards. i'd collect, but only my friends!

The problem with Autism cards is that sometimes use that as an excuse to abuse the cardholder. I have seen it many times here.

That's why you only pull it out when you absolutely need to. I've never had to use mine--I keep it mostly for eventualities like being pulled over by a cop and simultaneously losing access to speech.

I have had some recent experiences of similar attribution.

Physiclaly disabled people only see "non disabled" people. There are no "shades of gray." If you can walk, you are above them and they hate you. Well, that's the way it seems to me. Sorry to hear about your run in though.

Yes, I thought about that. A card wouldn't work for me if I'm stressed, because I'd have to do too many things to get it out - and there other would have to have the time and ability to read it.

Medical ID is something I keep thinking of for a year or so now. But it's hard to get by where I live. They don't sell those here and even on ebay there are only English/American sellers. Most people don't even know what a medical ID bracelet is.

I've thought about a medical card. Though it may lead to many tasteless jokes about "pulling the aspie card" aka using it as an "excuse", which a lot of people rudely accuse me of doing during anxious social situations. More people should realize that disabilities aren't limited to the conspicuous ones you notice immediately.

Society treats the physically disabled with kid gloves. When someone in a wheelchair goes past, everyone DELIBERATELY says hi and acts super-nice to them, as if to say, "See, I'm nice, I'm not prejudiced..." etc. I may have imagined it, but I got a few glares for NOT doing so once. I felt like saying, "Excuse me, I'm not going to fake politeness just because he's in a wheelchair. I'll be just as seemingly rude towards him as I am to everyone else!"

Yet the mentally handicapped (with the exception of the severely ret*d, who are either mocked or pitied) are just ignored. Once I said to my dad that it's unfair that we have to be sociable to get through life, cos that's like saying to someone in wheelchair, "Get up and start walking or nobody will employ you!" He said that it's different because AS can be "controlled". I tried to explain that it's not as simple as that, but he doesn't seem to get it.

Anyway, OP, it sounds like the person you mentioned was being extremely rude. "I'm disabled, you HAVE to get up for me, here, I gots proof!" It's like, WTF? If they'd asked politely it'd be fair enough, but what you described sounded like she was being really disrespectful towards you.

I'm having 'Autistic' tattooed on one side of my neck, 'Artistic' on the other. No need to fool with getting out a card. I think it'll cut down on the idle chit-chat, too.

LOL good idea!

Im sorry for such an experience Sora. I would have reacted just as you probably. With the only exception I wouldnt say a single word. Just show what I felt with my whole body.
Its difficult in such situations to have a invisible disability. Feeling so powerless and so wordless. You just look perfectly normal on the outside but on the inside is a real conflict going on in your head....
It IS much harder for people to understand us and our needs as our difficulties lie in our brain, not in our body....

That's badass!

that scares me. no public buses for me.

I hate it when people use their condition as an excuse. Unless they are pregnant or have leg problems or poor balance, that's different.


Getting an autism card, good idea. I can just get one too and play it back at those people as a comeback who play it on me.