Intuitive Social Situations Demystified

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This is a sequel to a thread I posted awhile ago, called "Picking Up Social Situations Intuitively", where I asked if anyone knew exactly what that meant or entailed, as I wasn´t totally sure....

Well....

I recently had a conversation with an NT friend, where I asked him a few direct and pointed questions, and I was able to get some answers, finally! I thought that I would share them here, in case anyone is interested.

In terms of reading faces and body language, he told me that aside from the "obvious stuff", he couldn´t tell me intellectually what anything means; for instance, he said he doesn´t consciously know what raised eyebrows, and things like that, are meant to express. He said that after talking to someone, he might get a sudden impression about them, but the process is totally unconscious. He used the example of his interview with a former boss of ours: shortly after the interview, the idea suddenly came to him that she was untrustworthy and that he would have to be wary of her. (This turned out to be true, as I found out the hard way: I never got the impression, of course, that I should be wary of her, so I learned she was not to be trusted after she misused her trust with me). In any case, it sounds like this unconscious process usually takes the form of ideas and impressions which come sometime after the original conversation is over. This "afterthought" idea has been confirmed from 2 other NTs I know, my Dad and another friend. So, I guess that´s how it works, or at least part of it...

But we already knew it's unconscious, so I don't understand what's new here... The neurological ability to develop this sixth sense is innate, and having Asperger's means, among other symptoms, being born without this ability.

Interesting actually.

Invert the concept....wonder what we're unwittingly "broadcasting" in this realm....


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Unreadable, just like they are to us (except the dead obvious stuff). However, since their ability to read others works normally, it applies itself incorrectly to us as it has no idea what we are to it.

My blank face has been interpreted for so many things, and it's always been wrong. My mother can pick up some emotions I feel, but that's because she's lived with me my whole life; she can tell various things by my atypical mannerisms.

Great Point. I think you are 100% correct.

So....

Whatever pathology the NT may have at the moment gets "painted" onto this "blank slate."
Projection, I think it's called....

Explains a lot.

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Afterthought? Maybe, trying to think if I have that or not... I sometimes can swear I can tell a good person from a bad person by talking to them, but I found it doesn't work. I can read basic facial expressions, like the little smilies to the left of this post and sometimes tone of voice... but people can very easily lie to me for example and I don't catch it. Thinking about this, I don't think I get this afterthought thing maybe? I never heard of this before.

And about putting out expressions, I only knew one person that was diagnosed with an ASD, and I thought his expressions were like other people... he smiled and stuff when amused especially. In fact watching videos of autistics on the internet, I can't tell at all the difference between an autistic and an NT, well the guy I met was a little different and had a obvious monotone but really wasn't that unusual to me, but most autistics I can't tell.

It's nothing new to me, I talked about that several times before.

It is new to me; in the introduction to my other Post, "Picking Up Social Situations Intuitively", I explained that I read for the first time in the book "Women From Another Planet", that NT people pick up social situations intuitively rather than learning them intellectually. At the time, this was a new concept for me; I thought everyone learned them intellectually, but just that I was worse than others in this regard. My main reason for believing that I was on the spectrum, after reading that, was because of this conviction that I don´t pick up social situations unconsciously. However, as I thought about it, I began to wonder if maybe I could be picking things up intuitively without realizing it? I mean if it´s unconscious, how would I know? Can I still be doing it but have no inkling that I´m doing it? Otherwise, why do people go through the trouble of getting a diagnosis? Can´t we all tell if we´re doing it intuitively or intellectually, can´t we diagnose ourselves based on this distinction??

I basically wanted to know exactly what was going on, what was the exact PROCESS of doing it intuitively, so I could better tell if I was doing it or not. But I can safely say that I never have "afterthoughts" in this way (and I do seem to miss a lot of things that others get). Basically, it´s pretty much a confirmation that I must be doing it intellectually. I do see and "pick up" things, but I do it all consciously.

I just thought some might be interested in the exact process involved, how it works. I don´t know, I find it fascinating....

The process itself, how intuition works, is unknown even to scientists. And it wouldn't help us to understand the neurological process, same as it doesn't help a blind person to know how an eye does the process of seeing.

The way to know that you don't have this intuition is the same as for orgasm and love: you only know for sure that you've had an orgasm when you've had one. Till then, you keep wondering whether you've had one. Same goes for being inlove: how do you know if you're inlove? When you're really inlove, you know it. How do you know if you've had a social intuition? When you've had one, you know you've had one.

I know I have a certain amount of social intuition, but I also know it's an enormeous lot less than a normal person.

Good point, I guess. Okay, you´ve got me.

This thread helped me a lot. That's all I've got to say.

Good, glad to hear it! I feel like less of an idiot now...

Unfortunately, it's not about being an idiot. It's about acceptance. You, at least, have been making the effort to accept our innate limitations, albeit going back and forth on accepting it. Most here on these forums don't even want to talk about it, much less admit and accept that there's a certain intuition that we-do-not-have-and-cannot-develop. See all the talk there is about learning social skills, improving, yadda yadda. I was so fed up with this for some time that I added to my signature the second line you see.

I was fired today, after 2 years of giving my life and soul to this job, working under huge pressure for 10-11 hours a day and making sure as well every minute that I didn't make any social mistakes, didn't disregard the pecking order, didn't transgress any nonverbal rules. Why was I fired, from a dept. that never fired anybody? I don't have the faintest clue, and I know from all my other jobs that they'll give me an irrelevant excuse tomorrow during the hearing, so irrelevant that I'll remain muted because it'll be too irrelevant and easily proven a lie to even argue it. This total lack of awareness of what's going on in others' heads about me is not something we can improve, grow, or learn as "social skills". It's intuitive and it's innate. Of course, among them, NTs tell each other that I did X and Y on purpose. Not even knowing I have AS will convince them that I have no clue what I did wrong.

same here. I usually get asked if I'm angry or sad when I'm just deep in thought, and I've been told that when I'm happy I look like I'm plotting the world's demise :p





that really sucks Greentea. I hope you find something soon.

I also keep worrying about being made redundant because of the recession, I know that in any case I would be the first one out because of my social problems.

greentea, I´m really sorry to hear you were fired! I hope you can find another job that is much better than the last. It sounds like your old job was fraught with problems and difficult people, so maybe it´s for the best?

I was fired from a job once for not saying "hello" enough to one of the people who put money into the studio...(well, it was called a "leave of absence", but I was asked to remove my stuff, and I never came back). At least I got feedback, and I´m now paranoid about saying "hello" to people. (Seems so stupid...) I forget this sort of thing constantly, I can´t keep track of who I said "hello" to yet on any given day....or it´s hard to drag myself out my internal world to say "hello" to every passer by. Why people get their bowels in an uproar over these things is beyond me.

Thank you, anna. It's the first time that I have absolutely nothing to tell myself I'll do differently next time. I did the very best I could and then more. And the results were disastrous.