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serenity
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08 May 2009, 9:01 am

I'm a stay at home mom, and I don't have any friends, at least none that live nearby. Other than the the bus driver that picks up my kids, and the random cashier here, or there, I have very little social contact with anyone.

Sometimes, I do get lonely, and wish that I had friends, though I can usually chase these thoughts away quickly by remembering times in the past that I attempted a social life. Friendships usually ended in a few months, because I wasn't as socially reciprocal as the other person needed. I've only had maybe one friendship last more than 6 months in the last 14 years or so. I do enjoy spending time with my husband everyday, but that seems to be about all the social contact that need, for the most part.

So, how about the rest of you? How much of a hermit are you, and are you satisfied with it?



pensieve
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08 May 2009, 9:28 am

I go on the internet a lot and watch TV a lot. I used to go out on the weekends, maybe 2-3 times a month, but I've been having some sensory issues, especially when visiting the city. I've been staying at home a lot because of my foot problem.
I'm no good at the friend thing too. I don't like being the quietest and most anxious person in the group anymore.


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UncleWoodstock
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08 May 2009, 9:53 am

I'm now at Uni so its not so bad for me to just walk over to a friends house and just hang out. But before then when i was at school, there wasnt really any times when I will go out and be socialable. Its not that i didnt want to, it was cause I had a hard time making friends and the friends i did had werent really all that nice to me anyway. So i would spend alot of my time at home playing games and drawing, i didnt even use things like MSN.

I think my problem is i'm really paranoid, even now when i have people to go and see and have a good time with, I'll still need to verify if they actually want me around



i_wanna_blue
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08 May 2009, 10:10 am

I'm at home almost 24/7. Because almost every task is done on my own, there is no need for me to move about. My extreme anxiety and social phobia is what developed this almost 'house bound' me, but since I've been taking medication (which has seen a reduction in anxiety) I still don't feel the need to be outside for many hours. Home sweet (monotonous) home. The unpredictability of outside is just something I don't like and I do have a dream of being a true hermit one day.



sbcmetroguy
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08 May 2009, 10:25 am

Just as an example, here is a typical day for me:

Wake up, shower and get ready for work, go through my same tired old routine every single morning. Commute to work (ugh!), sit at my desk all fricking day except for lunch. After work, I go straight home 99% of the time, and I try not to leave the house unless we go out to dinner which isn't as common as it once was. We used to eat out every night, but that was before we bought our house. lol Anyway, I pretty much go in and play World of Warcraft all night, except an hour or two that I will spend watching TV shows and eating dinner with my wife. Then I go back to World of Warcraft and surfing the web until 12:00-1:00am. Wake up the next morning, repeat. Basically.

My neighbors HATE me and I have never intentionally been rude to them without provocation. The neighbor on one side, I am rude to him only when his kids tick me off or his cat comes in my yard causing my dogs to go crazy. The rest of my neighbors don't like me because I never socialize. I used to wave when I saw them and they would wave back, now whenever they see me coming, they literally turn their heads and don't look at me. Talk about rude!! I just suck at socializing, otherwise I'd talk to them. I have always been nice, but the simple fact that I don't come over and 'shoot the bull' with them makes them hate me. Wow, people can be so petty and stupid.



outlier
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08 May 2009, 10:32 am

I don't currently have friends. I get to have others in the background of my life through family, but we're not close. I also see a couple of professionals now and then. I spend most days indoors alone and don't go out for days at a time.

I last made a friend in 1996, but I don't think I've experienced true friendship. I've been close to a couple of partners I've had. Most of my social contact in adulthood has been through others approaching out of physical or romantic interest.

If I'm in public long enough, I tend to get approached. I don't invite it and am always just minding my own business. I once went to a gathering of professionals at some museum with my ex out of curiosity. The purpose was to mingle and find people to date. I remember just looking at the exhibits or glaring silently around. I even wrote "bite me" on my name tag to ward people off, but still got approached. There were mainly middle-aged people there, but all the men swarmed towards the women in their twenties. I remember thinking I was glad I didn't need someone else in my life to feel whole.

It's a lot healthier for me keeping social contact to a minimum; people confuse me terribly. I'm open to friendships developing in the future, but am quite content to not actively seek them out.

UncleWoodstock wrote:
I think my problem is i'm really paranoid, even now when i have people to go and see and have a good time with, I'll still need to verify if they actually want me around


I'm similar.



Homer_Bob
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08 May 2009, 10:53 am

I spend all of my free time alone so I'm pretty much always a hermit unless I'm at school or working.



Zoonic
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08 May 2009, 11:09 am

I never leave the house and I don't see anyone.

I have no reason to go out because there's nothing for me to do. If I lived in London, Berlin, Amsterdam or even Stockholm I could go out and just sit at a trendy café while watching people. However, where I live there's no reason to ever leave the house if you don't work.
If I don't win the lottery I'm never going to be able to buy a house someplace else.



sartresue
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08 May 2009, 12:21 pm

Crab hermit topic

I socialize well with myself. :twisted:


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08 May 2009, 12:50 pm

I am pretty much a hermit. I am always too lazy to go out and do anything. Only thing that gets me out of my apartment is work, having to go somewhere, going to my gatherings and that's about it.


What's ironic about myself is I hated living in Montana because there was nothing to do so I moved to Portland here I am doing the same thing there I did in Montana. Being a hermit. But I am happier in the city.



redplanet
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08 May 2009, 12:59 pm

serenity wrote:
I'm a stay at home mom, and I don't have any friends, at least none that live nearby. Other than the the bus driver that picks up my kids, and the random cashier here, or there, I have very little social contact with anyone.

Sometimes, I do get lonely, and wish that I had friends, though I can usually chase these thoughts away quickly by remembering times in the past that I attempted a social life. Friendships usually ended in a few months, because I wasn't as socially reciprocal as the other person needed. I've only had maybe one friendship last more than 6 months in the last 14 years or so. I do enjoy spending time with my husband everyday, but that seems to be about all the social contact that need, for the most part.

So, how about the rest of you? How much of a hermit are you, and are you satisfied with it?



Your life sounds similar to mine, apart from that I have no husband anymore (I'm a single mum) and the only contact I have with another person is a therapist. I do sometimes feel lonely though, and I crave connection, but once I do find any sort of connection it rarely lives up to the ideal I have in my head. I've dreamed of lasting relationships and friendships but real life just doesn't match. At least here in my head I can fantasise about how things should feel.



Last edited by redplanet on 08 May 2009, 1:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

DragonShadow
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08 May 2009, 1:00 pm

i'm such a hermit. :-P

i have almost no social contact with people. the only person i talk to or interact with is my mom and one of my friends from time to time.

i never hang out with friends or anyone.

although i do spend quiet a bit of time on the internet talking to people, even though i can easily go for days without talking to anyone.

i'm to anxious/shy/unable to talk to people in real life.



frequently
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08 May 2009, 1:06 pm

Zoonic wrote:
I never leave the house and I don't see anyone.

I have no reason to go out because there's nothing for me to do. If I lived in London, Berlin, Amsterdam or even Stockholm I could go out and just sit at a trendy café while watching people. However, where I live there's no reason to ever leave the house if you don't work.
If I don't win the lottery I'm never going to be able to buy a house someplace else.


sitting in trendy cafe's and watching people only has a novelty for about 1 beer, and then its just boring



Zoonic
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08 May 2009, 2:03 pm

frequently wrote:
Zoonic wrote:
I never leave the house and I don't see anyone.

I have no reason to go out because there's nothing for me to do. If I lived in London, Berlin, Amsterdam or even Stockholm I could go out and just sit at a trendy café while watching people. However, where I live there's no reason to ever leave the house if you don't work.
If I don't win the lottery I'm never going to be able to buy a house someplace else.


sitting in trendy cafe's and watching people only has a novelty for about 1 beer, and then its just boring


At least it's an excuse to leave the house. At the moment I have zero reason to go anywhere.



Alice1-1
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08 May 2009, 2:05 pm

My house is like my own private theme park so it's a drag to leave. I have a gym and lots of computers and other toys. I jump in my car and roar around the beach sometimes or go out running or walking for miles. I hate when people knock on my door and have to remember to smile when I answer because I am usually frowning. I surprised myself lately, when I found someone I liked and wanted a friend but it didn't work because I did something or didn't do something. I have no idea. What a disaster! I have plenty of people on my case but I am just not interested and get tired of batting them away. I do e-mail plenty of people and talk to plenty on the phone and that's ok. Sometimes, I arrange to meet people because it seems like a good idea at the time, but I usually cancel if I can.



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08 May 2009, 2:30 pm

I think I've always been a hermit, something I seem to strive for actually, which very well may be inspired in part by my customary social ineptness.


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