First time in history!! !! The NT/AS open hotline ! !! !! !

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It depends on the situation. Sometimes I know that a feeling is leading me down an illogical path. Sometimes I don't realize it until after the emotion has caused me to act illogically and I wind up having to apologize for some emotion-based thing I did. Example: a whole bunch of things unrelated to my husband go wrong so I snap at him. This isn't logical and none of the thnigs are his fault. He just happened to walk in the room right as I'd hit my emotional limit of things going wrong. When the emotion burns off and I realize that I snapped at him for no good reason, I apologize.


There are other situations where logic and emotion are in harmony. For example, I can think rationally and logically about something that has made me angry and I am no less angry. Sometimes emotion is transitory and irrelevent to the issue (being upset about things going wrong and snapping at my husband) and sometimes it is central to the issue and not transitory at all.



Sometimes the word "feelings" is used for sensory impressions: this feels hot or cold etc. Sometimes it's synonymous with emotion. I can feel jealous. I can have a jealous emotion. Same thing. I ran up against this with my daughter as I tried to define the difference between "angry" and "annoyed". I absolutely could not get her to verbally understand the difference. However, whether she uses the two words or not, I can still tell the difference between when she is angry and when she is annoyed.

II b) I think emotions are primarily outside of oneself whereas feelings (stems from sensory) are from within; hence the distinction.



I have also attempted to explain the concept of mixed emotions to my daughter. As soon as children graduate from the exceedingly simplistic fiction like "Three Little Pigs", mixed emotions start being put into storylines. I guess her bafflement at how some Disney character can be both sad and happy simultaneously is similar to your bafflement at the Julia Child movie. I don't know how to explain mixed emotions. They just are. I have similarly failed explaining them to my daughter.



I don't understand why people wouldn't understand that crying hard=emotional pain. It's pretty much universal that people cry when they are in emotional pain. Maybe they see the meltdown and are scared by it because it goes beyond the weeping people usually do? I don't know.

Hi LabPet, you ask some very good questions, and I have been thinking about this for some time. Sorry for the long reply, but this is a very worthwhile discussion. Also, I have been waiting for a good topic to reply for my 500th post, and this is it...so thanks for asking in the AS/NT forum.

For me, it depends on the situation. Under most circumstances I quite easily separate emotions from logic and I rationally analyze and evaluate my emotions. I perceive it like this, emotions are kind of like a “lower plane” and operate subconsciously within me like breathing, that is, I can’t really control what emotions I happen to be feeling, they just sort of arise depending on the situation. The “upper plane” is logic, reason, and thinking, and that is where my brain operates 99% of the time when I’m awake. However, there are situations that arise when the emotional plane tries to take over, or perhaps the intellectual plane just sort of fades into the background or something. Regardless, these situations are usually heated, like when someone says something offensive to me, or in an accident, or during times of high anxiety or stress or when I am exhausted. In those moments, my intellect has to fight very hard to overcome emotions and, when the emotions win, they manifest themselves as behaviors like saying something stupid that I regret, shouting and losing my temper, or melting down and crying (yes, this has happened to me more often than you might imagine for a male NT). As I have grown older and learned better coping mechanisms, I have learned to keep my emotions under control better.



The dictionary gives overlapping definitions for “feelings” and “emotions” and I don’t separate the two things in myself, except that maybe emotions have more specific names like love, hate, anger, and fear, and feelings are more general like happy, sad, upset, hurt, etc. I think I can boil down my emotions to 10 or less, but certainly not 100s, and because they are relatively few, yes I am able to identify them.



Yes, it is possible to feel more than one emotion at the same time but I don’t think this is strictly an NT thing because I explained it to my youngest child who is on the spectrum, he gets it, and is able to recognize and discuss the mixed emotions within himself. A simple example is, my eldest child is moving out this fall and going to university. At the same time I feel sad because I am going to miss him immensely and happy that he is becoming an independent and mature adult. I think it is possible to feel many emotions at once depending on the circumstances. For example, if someone were to push me on the street this afternoon, then I would be feeling angry at the person, but the happiness and sadness over my child would also be there, but less intense compared to anger. And it goes on. Now that I’m writing this, I am visualizing it like a lava lamp where there are all these emotions packaged up and floating around inside, and some rise to the top and become more intense and others sink to the bottom where they are hardly noticable if at all, depending on the circumstances.



I am sorry if the NTs around you do not understand your pain, but I think some (and possibly many) NTs do understand. I most certainly understand what its like to have hurt feelings, and it makes me sad simply imagining another person who is hurt. In fact, seeing, hearing, or even imagining a child or woman in pain (emotional or physical) has the ability to bring up very intense feelings inside me and even spur me into action to try to alleviate the pain…even with strangers. I don’t know why, but I cannot stand to see children and women in pain, physical or emotional...it hurts me too and sometimes very intensely.



I believe everyone has the capacity to comfort and heal themselves, and we are both born with and are capable of learning coping mechanisms.

Thank you to both Janissy & DenvrDave. Although the question may seem simple, on a superficial level, I am quite certain there are fundamental differences between the Autistic mind and the NT mind. But, of course, we have more that is the same and overlaps. I like the lava lamp image - a descriptive model. Happy 500th post too.

'Those who know' opine, with reason, that Autism may be a permanent hypnogogic state and I am inclined to agree. In essence, I'd expect any given NT, when asleep, may be quite Autistic in thought.

I) I think a lot of NTs CAN separate these two things, but I think most of them have a sort of threshold where emotion can override logic. But it's usually pretty high, and I think there's actually a decent reason for it. You see it a lot in movies, where someone suddenly gives in to a strong emotion like love, and rejects the logical choice because the emotional choice will make them happier. And if you are happy, in some situations that's the only thing that actually matters, right? (Because if you're happy, you may not care if you're poor on whatever, even though the logical choice would be the one that makes you rich.)
I think some people are just not discaplined enough at this particular time, because making bad decisions based on emotion doesn't have as bad of consequences as it used to. I mean, if Laura Ingalls (you know, "Little House on the Prairie"..) got mad at her parents and ran off into the prairie, she might get lost and starve, or she might get eaten. That wouldn't happen now, so it's technically safe to let emotion run a little wild.

II) I think the feelings/emotions thing is mostly symantics. For a lot of people, physical feelings and emotional feelings seem to have similar properties, so they just use the same word.
But I can't help you with the 100s of emotions thing. I have a really hard time with that stuff myself. I am not actually sure if I believe emotions exist in the way people seem to think they do. I mean, I feel emotion too, (sometimes more than one at a time.. it's kind of like having more than one opinion at once. eg: This is a bad idea because it will get me in trouble, but it is a good idea because it will be very fun.) but when I try to think about it, it all seems like smoke and mirrors. It's an illusion created by different combinations of logical thought. (Which only becomes illogical through absentminded miscalculation.) That's what I think, anyway.

III) She probably does those things to help keep her emotions under control. Maybe she's distracting herself. Most people have techniques like that to cope with emotion. It sounds like you don't have a technique. I used to react the way you described when I was upset. I think people don't understand your reaction because usually when someone is unable to utilize their personal coping technique and has an extreme reaction like that, it's because something is VERY wrong. (That's how it would be for most NTs, anyway.) They might understand that you are sad, but they don't understand why you're displaying emotion at a level that apparently far surpasses the level of emotion appropriate for the situation.

(I hope these answers made sense and are relevant to what you're asking.;;; Sometimes I miss the mark a little..)

Thank you Wigglyspider and your response makes sense!

Hi,

I'm 38 and have only just been diagnosed with AS. My parents did take me to the doctors when i was 13 but unfortunately the condition wasn't recognised back then, so i basically got sent home again.

I only have it mildly and my biggest challenges tend to be socially, i was just wondering did anyone else get diagnosed later in life? and if so how did it affect you? because i'm glad i can understand my differences now instead of thinking i'm wierd sometimes, but on the whole my life isn't really any different because i guess i'm just used to being the person i am.

Thank you

I don't think this is the place to ask that. I bet you'll find a more receptive audience in Getting To Know Each Other. This particular thread is for Aspies asking NTs to clarify their behavior and NTs asking the same of Aspies. Welcome to the forum!

this is interesting.

i seem to reason the same when i'm sleeping as awake, if i become aware of what i'm thinking while dreaming. i have conversations in which i consider what i say before saying it. not lucid dreams, either. i am aware of what i'm thinking (separate from actions) while dreaming yet not aware that i'm dreaming.

To people who know they're NTs, and to people who know they're on the spectrum...

Would YOU consider this a normal reaction to the following (related) situations...

When I was in college, I had some episodes that really, REALLY freaked me out. One was when I went to one of my roommate's parties...there was a lot of drinking. The party didn't get wild, no one was even asking me to drink--before there was even a chance to get that far, I wound up crying at the whole situation and having to go home, really embarrassed.

The other was a prayer meeting. Now normally being around religious things, being in a church, or being in prayer is very, very calming and comforting to me. But this happened to be a more charismatic type of prayer, in a large group, and I got scared out of my wits and again ended up in tears and having to go home.

There are some other cases kinda like that, that happened to me, but these two really stick out as examples where I tried really hard to fit in and it went so, so wrong. Do NTs react like that? People on the spectrum? Both?

I'm terrified of the more "enthusiastic" churches that are out there. I went with my MIL to church once and got physically ill over the lady beside me jumping up and speaking in tongues. Needless to say I won't EVER go back. I prefer calmer services such as Catholic Mass. I really get ill when there are lots of loud music and shouting and clapping.

I've never found myself crying at a party but I do find my heart rate accelerates, my palms get sweaty, and I often get a little shaky. I'm usually one of the firsts to leave and I feel physically exhausted when its over. It's a rare occasion that I go to anything like that where there will be more than 10 people. I even have a difficult time at the movies on occasion.

I'm a NT BTW.

Whatever I am, I'm glad it's clearly not "alone."

Mmm well, I think it depends on what type of person you are if you would consider these reactions "normal" or not. I mean, RyansMommy doesn't think it that strange, because she/he isn't that comfortable with social situations consisting of a large group of people.

However, I would consider it an extreme reaction of anxiety...mostly 'cause the most I do when uncomfortable is just get quieter. I'm a NT, btw. In my experience, NT's wouldn't cry and go away from the situation unless they have a social anxiety problem. Most would just pretend they're having a good time to be polite or, if it's really bad, make up some excuse to leave.

Sorry if I'm not being helpful...kinda new member here

Here's a really simple questions for NT's. A while ago whist at a relatives birthday party, a girl (don't worry, she wasn't related to me!) gave me her number. Does this mean she wanted some kind of a relationship, or is it just something people do when they meet new people?

Yes, she would like some kind of relationship. Not everyone does this when they meet new people. It is a sign that she is interested in getting to know you, specifically, better.

Yep this pretty much only means one thing, that she is interested romantically in you. In my experience people don't give someone they have met only once their phone number unless its for that reason.

As an older NT woman, I'd guess her gesture meant:

"HI! I find you attractive. Here's my phone number so you can call me and we can arrange to meet, just the two of us, for some conversation & getting better acquainted."

Second gloss: if you don't call, you are signaling that you did not find her attractive in any way.

And a hint. Full-on evening dates are intimidating & awkward even for neurotypical people. My daughter (aged 21 & also neurotypical) does breakfast dates before work and lunch dates. Short, with a defined ending point.