First time in history!! !! The NT/AS open hotline ! !! !! !

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Sea_of_Saiyan
Deinonychus

Joined: 3 Nov 2008
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 337
Location: USA

13 Aug 2010, 3:37 am

Kempy wrote:

Here's a really simple questions for NT's. A while ago whist at a relatives birthday party, a girl (don't worry, she wasn't related to me!) gave me her number. Does this mean she wanted some kind of a relationship, or is it just something people do when they meet new people?

Congrats! - It means that she likes you and wants to get to know you better.

If you're interested in her too, call her up and assume she wants a relationship. Keep the conversation casual for a bit, and then maybe invite her to see a movie or have lunch with you if you like her after talking to her for a bit.

captain_anarchy64
Butterfly

Joined: 11 Jul 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 13
Location: Florida

18 Aug 2010, 8:13 pm

I have a question to fellow aspies.

Q: When talking to someone, do you occasionally have a difficult time trying to speak the words you are thinking?

bjtao
Velociraptor

Joined: 29 Jun 2010
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 449

18 Aug 2010, 10:19 pm

SoSayWeAll wrote:

To people who know they're NTs, and to people who know they're on the spectrum...

Would YOU consider this a normal reaction to the following (related) situations...

When I was in college, I had some episodes that really, REALLY freaked me out. One was when I went to one of my roommate's parties...there was a lot of drinking. The party didn't get wild, no one was even asking me to drink--before there was even a chance to get that far, I wound up crying at the whole situation and having to go home, really embarrassed.

The other was a prayer meeting. Now normally being around religious things, being in a church, or being in prayer is very, very calming and comforting to me. But this happened to be a more charismatic type of prayer, in a large group, and I got scared out of my wits and again ended up in tears and having to go home.

There are some other cases kinda like that, that happened to me, but these two really stick out as examples where I tried really hard to fit in and it went so, so wrong. Do NTs react like that? People on the spectrum? Both?

I am NT and have had the same reaction in both of the above situations. In my case, in both situations, it was me feeling inadequate or like I didn't fit in, and I didn't. Just because I am NT does not mean I fit in everywhere with everyone. There are many groups of people that would never accept me and if I were in a situation where I am the only one like me, I would have that reaction. It is much easier now that I am older (31 years old) because I don't really care if I fit in or not, I am just myself. So, it is not abnormal, but the reasoning might be different. If you don't fit in, you know you don't fit in, and you care that you don't fit in, it is very much possible to have this reaction whether you are NT or ASD.

DandelionFireworks
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 May 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,011

19 Aug 2010, 5:53 pm

captain_anarchy64 wrote:

I have a question to fellow aspies.

Q: When talking to someone, do you occasionally have a difficult time trying to speak the words you are thinking?

No, but sometimes I have trouble putting into words a thought that wasn't in words to begin with.

_________________
I'm using a non-verbal right now. I wish you could see it. --dyingofpoetry

NOT A DOCTOR

yukari
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 17 Aug 2010
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 54
Location: Russia

22 Aug 2010, 3:34 am

I have a question for NT's who write some kind of fiction. How do you know, what do your readers know, and what don't? I write short stories, and it is difficult for me to think about the readers: I explain too much or to few. And it is also difficult to imagine, what conclusions can reader make based on information I give.

DandelionFireworks
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 May 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,011

22 Aug 2010, 9:07 pm

Yukari, I'm on the spectrum as well, but one thing you can do is show it to people and ask them what they're able to guess.

_________________
I'm using a non-verbal right now. I wish you could see it. --dyingofpoetry

NOT A DOCTOR

manBrain
Raven
Raven

Joined: 26 Aug 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 112

28 Aug 2010, 9:27 pm

Hi.
I have a question for NTs.

Please give me advice on how to deal with a NT, passive-aggressive husband. (I am HFA)
There is nothing wrong with his outward behaviour, it is very civil and dutiful. However he does not disclose or discuss "negative" emotions, but they do emerge in other ways, for example, habitual yawning, emotional withdrawal, no sex.

I have tried to engage him in this subject, but being "called" on his behaviour is too challenging to his emotional structures. He denies that there is anything the matter with his method of dealing with life (the method being, to pretend that everything is ok by putting a civil face on).

The main problem for me, is that I depend on facts for my assessment of relationship situations. For example, I need honest information when a practical decision needs to be made. I am not getting honest facts from him.

I have read several books about this behaviour, and there seems little hope for him changing. In many ways I think that we are compatible, because our relationship does not depend so much on emotional connectedness. I believe that he selected me as a partner on the basis that I do not seek constant emotionality.

Is there any way that I can get more facts from him, without setting off his passive-aggressive defense radar?

thanks. bye.

sartresue
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 18 Dec 2007
Age: 70
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,313
Location: The Castle of Shock and Awe-tism

08 Sep 2010, 8:30 pm

DandelionFireworks wrote:

captain_anarchy64 wrote:

I have a question to fellow aspies.

Q: When talking to someone, do you occasionally have a difficult time trying to speak the words you are thinking?

No, but sometimes I have trouble putting into words a thought that wasn't in words to begin with.

Finding a word in a thousand pictures topic

Sometimes the pictures are so overwhelming that I have to dig out the words!! This is why typing on screen to communicate is great in that it slows me down so that I can find the words more easily.

_________________
Radiant Aspergian
Awe-Tistic Whirlwind

Phuture Phounder of the Philosophy Phactory

NOT a believer of Mystic Woo-Woo

vampresstcullen
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 23 Jul 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 57

10 Sep 2010, 11:50 pm

Kempy wrote:

*usually* it means she's interested in getting to know you. sometimes there are those rare times though when its not..but rarely. I would know more for sure if I had more details on what went on and other actions, what she did..what look was in her eye when she did that loll... for example, someone noticed that someone had these cards (I forget what theyre called) and she wanted to befriend people locally for play buddies. She gave this guy her number and said oh I want to be (darn forget name) buddies and they exchanged some words and she went back to the group of adults she was with (her mom was tlaking about her to others and she was standing there with them).

My best guess is that shes interested. lol.

Carada
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 12 Sep 2010
Age: 47
Gender: Female
Posts: 29

13 Sep 2010, 12:34 am

:!:

Last edited by Carada on 13 Sep 2010, 10:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Mysty
Veteran
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Joined: 24 Jun 2008
Age: 55
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,762

13 Sep 2010, 6:56 am

Carada, you really should post in a separate (new) thread. This thread is a place for concrete questions. And it's a place for NTs asking questions about Aspies, and vice versa. You are more likely to get answers that way.

If you have specific questions for Aspies about Asperger's, or their experience, or such, ask them here. If you are looking for general relationship help, I don't know, maybe the love and dating forum here?

I also recommend for you this website and it's forums: http://www.bpdrecovery.com/

_________________
not aspie, not NT, somewhere in between
Aspie Quiz: 110 Aspie, 103 Neurotypical.
Used to be more autistic than I am now.

dryad
Deinonychus

Joined: 29 Aug 2010
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 359
Location: Central Florida

13 Sep 2010, 9:34 am

natesmom wrote:

To "AS"

If you are in an AS/NT relationship, what is most difficult for you and your Significant other? If you have one thing you want your partner to understand or just let go, what would it be?

That sometimes I can't just "pull up my bootstraps" and get things done.
That I could use some encouragement when I manage to do so and less criticism when I don't. Depression is no help in overcoming inertia.

I'm currently conducting an experiment on myself - that of scheduling tasks by time. Today's my first day of the experiment, but it seems to be helping with the inertia. ("Oh! It's X o'clock! I must do Y now!") Wish me luck!

_________________
Previously Certified Curmudgeon. License expired May 04, 2011
Now downgraded to merely difficult.

dryad
Deinonychus

Joined: 29 Aug 2010
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 359
Location: Central Florida

13 Sep 2010, 11:04 am

Butterflair wrote:

I have a question for my AS friends:

What makes you want to "shut down" and not talk to people? How long does this last? What can your NT friend do to help while you are in a non-social mode?

I just found this thread today, so please forgive me if I'm basically repeating what someone else has said.

I shut down most often when I'm either stressed or overwhelmed (sensory?). The best thing is to leave me be for a while or get me away from whatever is overwhelming me.

Sometimes it's because I'm focused mentally on something and distractions from others makes me lose my train of thought. Again, at least try to leave me be.

As for the length of time, that's dependent on the circumstances. Wish I could be more precise.

_________________
Previously Certified Curmudgeon. License expired May 04, 2011
Now downgraded to merely difficult.

dryad
Deinonychus

Joined: 29 Aug 2010
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 359
Location: Central Florida

13 Sep 2010, 5:45 pm

willmark wrote:

I have a question for AS folks.

I am curious whether autistic people experience "Projection". For those unfamiliar with the term, this is a subconscious response where one feels an emotion that they would probably feel if they were in an observed person's experience. The call it projection because the person is projecting his own feelings upon another person. It appears to be rather common among NTs who are INFP, but that group certainly doesn't have a corner on it.

I'm AS, and I'm also INFP. I can instantly (that being a 24 hour period on my world) grasp when someone has done this to me. I'm fairly sure I've done it to others when they touched on my own insecurities. My bad. :(

willmark wrote:

I remember experiencing this when I was preschooler. I hated receiving gifts, Christmas presents, birthday presents, etc. that I did not like or want, because I would feel embarrassed for the giver of the gift. And I felt this embarrassment so intensely that my face would blush beet red, and I wanted to hide under the couch until the feeling passed.

I was taught early in life to "appear grateful" (definitely not easy when young), thus I'm more embarrassed for myself *and* the giver because I never know how "grateful" to appear. This is why I HATE holidays!

willmark wrote:

When I was in college as a music major, the performance majors were required to give so many recitals per semester, and all music majors were required to attend all but so many per semester. And when a performer made performance errors, like forgetting words, or playing wrong notes that made my skin crawl, I would feel deeply embarrassed for them, and at the time I really would have loved to have been able to crawl under my seat until the performer ended his performance. After some self analysis, I realized that this embarrassed feeling was associated with my own low self esteem; that what was really happening was that I assumed that if I were in their place I would perform just as poorly and so I was associating myself with him and thus I was feeling embarrassed for me because I assumed I was like him. The performer, and the gift giver, were probably not at all embarrassed, though the performer might have been a little. But those were my feelings, my responses; nothing to do with them. After I worked through my low self esteem issues, most of my problems with feeling embarrassed for being like poor performers and the like, pretty much disappeared from my experiences.

Are you offering lessons? :oops:

willmark wrote:

Now, after reading posts by people who were not aware until an older age that there were folks around them who experience emotion, I wonder if projection is something many or most Aspies and Auties get to avoid. Do AS folks experience Projection?

Actually, I think you're speaking more of Theory of Mind, or Empathy, or Walking in Another's Shoes. And yes, I, for one, do experience it on both sides (for me or them, irregardless).

No one likes humiliation.

_________________
Previously Certified Curmudgeon. License expired May 04, 2011
Now downgraded to merely difficult.

dryad
Deinonychus

Joined: 29 Aug 2010
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 359
Location: Central Florida

13 Sep 2010, 5:53 pm

Greentea wrote:

Janissy, you're a pro with your clear, concise, to the point answers! If there was a magazine or radio show for Aspies, you should do the "Ask Janissy" column/hour. Sorry to nudge, but I really hope you're already saving these answers. I'd hate for them to get lost in cyberspace in 10 years.

I second! or thousand! or whatever number I am. YAY!

Edit: Ouch. I feel like I'm monopolizing because there's no interjections between my posts. :(

_________________
Previously Certified Curmudgeon. License expired May 04, 2011
Now downgraded to merely difficult.

Carada
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 12 Sep 2010
Age: 47
Gender: Female
Posts: 29

13 Sep 2010, 10:04 pm

I go to that forum, and there is nothing there about BPD and having a relationship with someone with Asperger's. I guess I will look for help elsewhere on that regard.

Here's a question:
Why is it that people on the outside are expected to "deal with it" instead of the Asperger being expected to do something about it him/herself?

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