Do ALL Aspies or Auties dislike bieing hugged or touched?

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10 Feb 2014, 2:58 pm

I obviously don't want strangers touching me, but I like hugs from people close to me.



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12 Feb 2014, 1:50 pm

Depends on the context and there is a social dimension to it as well. For me, hugging/touching/hand-holding is nice as part of romantic or sexual intimacy, but usually threatening otherwise. I have learned up to a point to do it when comforting NT (or near-NT) people who kinda expect it, such as parents/siblings/very close friends when they are having a bad time, but don't really like that.

I really dislike casual hugging/holding/kissing that NTs seem to do; if you are not my partner/family/close friend you do not mean enough to me to let you invade my personal space like that. For this reason, my (ex) Sister in Law's 40th birthday party was a nightmare; my brother's ex-wife's family were all very kissy/touchy/feely and Jeff was a bit like that too. I felt like shouting out:

You are only my family via my brother. You have NO RIGHT to consider yourself familiar to me unless it is mutual between US, not via a third party.

It was ten years into their marriage before I trusted my sister in law enough to kiss her on the cheek when saying hello; again, when Jeff married Sue, I felt it an insulting imposition that I was supposed to love her enough to let her invade my personal space just because of something they had together, of which I was not a part.



USMCnBNSFdude
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12 Feb 2014, 1:56 pm

The only hug I recall ever enjoying was from a girl I had a crush on. Besides that, I usually can't stand being touched in any way (though I don't make a visible fuss about it). Even if it's family or friends, I don't like it. :?


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Taylor1002
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12 Feb 2014, 3:38 pm

I like being touched if I feel close enough to the person that's touching me.



Eureka13
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12 Feb 2014, 4:36 pm

The only people I've ever been completely okay with touching me have been my romantic partners. I've learned to allow friends, family, etc., to hug me and even to enjoy it, but I don't like it if it's unexpected.

Strangers, no way. I have to suffer through shaking hands a lot at work, and I effin' hate it. I usually have to sneak off and wash my hands afterwards.



tonmeister
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12 Feb 2014, 5:32 pm

Like many people here, I dislike casual or unexpected physical contact. I once had a coworker who used to tap my on the shoulder to get my attention. I nearly had a meltdown on him on several occasions. As a kid, I hated getting my hair cut because I didn't like having the hairdresser or barber touch me. (I also didn't like the fact that they always tried to engage me in smalltalk.)

However, I think hugs, cuddling, and intimate contact are more intense sensations for us than they are for NTs. I think that's why so many people on the spectrum don't like it - it's just too much stimulus. I am very physically affectionate with my wife and always have been with romantic partners. I can take hugs from close friends. But physical contact from strangers is extremely off-putting.



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12 Feb 2014, 5:45 pm

I love human contact, soooooo, no.

Hugs, cuddles, pats on the back, massages, all that.



shylah
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09 Jul 2014, 4:14 pm

FIY: I'm pretty sure that if a random person tries to hug an NT it would be uncomfortable or unwelcome just as much as for an Aspie. It's generally considered rude in most situations to touch someone without permission.

Back to the topic though, generally I don't mind most touch or hugging from people I know. There are times when I need my physical space and will decline a hug, but there is no pain or hatred of hugging or touch for me. Certain parts of my body I really hate lightly touched, niples, back, and feet... it has to be a firm touch or I will push the other person away and tell them to stop. Still it's no pain, just an intense dislike for the sensation.

When I was a kid I remember driving my mother crazy by asking for a "huggy" every 30 minutes on a regular basis, it was almost to the level of a compulsion until she yelled at me and I stopped. But then, it was only ever my mother I did that with, everyone else I did not seek attention from.



JitakuKeibiinB
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09 Jul 2014, 5:31 pm

I don't like hugs or other touching, no matter who does it. If someone hugs me I keep my arms at my sides, stiffen up, and hope for it to end.



Toy_Soldier
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09 Jul 2014, 5:36 pm

No



smudge
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09 Jul 2014, 5:46 pm

I love touch when it's on my terms. It has to be with someone I care about, and know very well.


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Transyl
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09 Jul 2014, 5:53 pm

Hugs are my preferred means of communication. Simple, hopefully unambiguous, and just nice.



CJH123
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09 Jul 2014, 6:27 pm

I love a good hug from somebody close to me and even contact, problem is I'm very sensitive not in a bad way I always want to laugh haha. I do like people to hold my hand all that kinda stuff but I dislike when people touch me hard unexpectedly but It's fine and I normally don't mind unless they are doing so to annoy me/



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09 Jul 2014, 7:04 pm

I don't like being touched in general, but I do like hugs. :)



seaturtleisland
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09 Jul 2014, 9:46 pm

I feel absolutely nothing from kinds of touch that NTs often find pleasurable. I'm dead to touch. Hugs don't bother me and massages give me no pleasure (or pain) whatsoever. It baffles me how NTs are willing to pay to be rubbed by someone else. I'm not bothered by touch. I literally experience nothing from it. Not even the good stuff.



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09 Jul 2014, 10:06 pm

Often when I am in crowded places like LA or Vegas, random people will touch my hair and/or my crotch; I have absolutely no problem when females do this, but am extremely annoyed when males do it and I may get violent.