Is there any Aspie who wish they are born normal?

Post Reply New Topic

No, because my problems are mild. If I had an ASD that was severe I'd probably think otherwise.

I enjoy being different from others. I'd never wanna be like everyone else. And I like being weird and seeing the world in an unusual way.

DearFriend


Can you tell us what you learn from the neuro linguistic programming?
-NLP is a way of reprogramming the brain. Remember Pavlov's Dog? Well, it appears our minds 'code' and anchor feelings to experiences e.g. Fear of snakes, look at snake, mind has image of snake striking though it hasn't. NLP shows how to replace the image of striking fear and replacing it with a friendly snake that wouldn't hurt a fly. Lot's of TV shows show the phobia person then 30 mins later they have snakes or spiders and have no fear because the imagined fear is not real and is replaced with a comfortable and safe one. I could keep going...lol

Can it help most aspie and autistic people?
Truly, I imagine that it could help us, but with Mum's passing etc. I haven't even thought about it. Thanks for the idea, will go back and see how us Aspie's can benefit.

How did it help you, how or what did you learn from it?
It helped me immensely before I knew I had AS, with social phobia, believing My abusers lies about myself. I gained courage and threw fear out the window, overcame so many convictions about myself which were not true. Laid the past and the abuse to rest. Realised I wasn't bad, other ppl, abuser was. Dissassociated myself with toxic people, you name it. Man, I was a mess before NLP...lol

Can you describe how your celiac desease, etc is like?
-suffered chronic sinusitis for 25 yrs daily migraines , sick in stomach all time. Then by chance didn't eat wheat/ gluten for 3 days...whoahhh...can breath, no sickness, migraines gone...yippee

And does it burden you in anyway?
-Ankylosing Spondylosis is a pain, take 200mg tramadol for dull pain and fatigue. It's an autoimmune disease so white blood cells are attacking joints, not doing what they should be. Though many have received relief from a no starch diet stating the microorganisms thrive on starch and yeah, when I have rice, next day it's like, no joke, having a car speed into my hips and smash something. I'm a blokes bloke and I think I'm pretty tough, but it brings tears to my eyes when 3 steps feel like someone is putting a knife between joints. In a word, awful. I get by and try not to be silly. There are so many others much worse off than me.

I think why there are less females being diagnosed as well as why some females find it easier to socialize is because they, being smart or a bit pretty, can find it easier to blend in to others, both males and females. This is just my theory. What do you
-I will find the comments Tony Attwood made regarding the issue. I think he noted that females are extremely social creatures and seem to have a broader range of emotions to us guys. There was also talk of a females peers and being to mimic their mothers and also by watching social television, maybe not soap operas, but girls have a higher social intuitiveness or intelligence than men.
I will look it up. Funnily enough, do you know the 'signals' when a girl likes you? Bet you a dollar she can point out every nuance...lol

Night Friends,
Will post some NLP stuff tomorrow

Joall






 

I know some Aspies like being an Aspie, but I don't. And, like I always say, it ain't about social difficulties, it's everything else. Since I was about 6 years old, I developed a massive fear of the school bell, what took over my whole school life. It weren't just how loud they were, it was also what they looked like. They made me feel homesick and hate school even more, because you don't have those sorts of bells in your home. It wasn't really anything to do with my ears hurting or anything - it was just the fear of the sudden noise making me flinch or literally jump. Once I was under a bell when it rang suddenly, and my arms involuntary spazzed up in the air (because of my sensitive nerves with sudden loud noises), and one arm accidentally hit another child in the face, then I was sent to the office, and everyone thought I had done it on purpose. I was only 6 at the time, and got really frightened because I didn't quite understand why I was being told off for something I didn't mean to do. That set off my fear of hearing the bells ring.
Since then I had to really concentrate hard on getting used to the times the bells would ring, and do my best to avoid being right near one when it was to go off. I did tell the teachers, and they did try to help me avoid them, but they didn't always fully understand and sometimes forgot, and I didn't keep reminding them because I felt embarrassed to, so I just went along with it. Sometimes I made up other excuses, like when the teacher let us all go out into the corridor to our pegs to get our coats five minutes before playtime started, and I hung back and said, ''I can't go out there yet, I don't like all the pushing and shoving.'' The teacher understood that, and kept me in the classroom, then luckily the bell did go and I said, ''I'm OK now.'' And went to get my coat. I know most Aspies would rather be hearing a noisy bell than to be pushed and shoved in corridors, but for me it was the other way round. Busy corridors never upset me at all. It was just the fear of the bell which alienated me from the other children, most of the time, and I knew they would tease me if I told them that I was afraid of the bell.
But as I got to the big school, I was older then, and began to feel embarrassed to tell anyone that I was afraid of the bell ringing, so I kept it to myself. It was worse at the big school, because you had to wait outside classrooms in the corridors at the times the bells go, (in between lessons), because the teachers always arrived late and at the big school you didn't have the same classrooms - you had different ones for different lessons. That wasn't so bad (although all teachers expected that would be difficult for me, but I didn't mind once I got used to it. I quite liked it). But often I would stand further away from the nearest bell (where everyone else were waiting), and I used to look like a completely unsocial weirdo. But it was nothing to do with any anxieties of waiting with other children. It was just to do with the bell. It really ruined things. Science was worse, because the Science rooms had a loud bell inside the actual classroom, and I worried in case the fire bell would be set off - then that'd make me jump. I didn't mind walking past a fire bell what was already ringing, but when bells suddenly go off, that was the worst thing for me.
So the bell really ruined my school life for me. And I still am afraid of bells now, and I especially don't tell anybody because I know they will laugh at me and say, ''you're 20 years old and still afraid of the bell! You are such a nervous wreck, it's unbelievable!'' But it's not about how old I am. The fear will stick with me for the rest of my life. My nerves are very sensitive to loud noises.

If I was NT, I wouldn't have had this problem through school, and I wouldn't have it now. So there is shame in being on the spectrum. I hate being afraid of loud noises. Some Aspies have sensory issues with light, smell, taste or touch. I don't have sensory issues with anything else, except sound. And it's ruined my life because nothing in the world is going to stop my nerves from being oversensitive. Nothing, except wearing earplugs (but people in the street look and laugh, as usual), and I'm not going around with my fingers in my ears. I'm a tad more self-conscious than some people. It will just be easier if the stupid AS gene went to one of somebody else, instead of me. I can't let myself think about it, because I panic because I can't change it. Awwwww........
I know some Aspies say, ''you don't know what it's like to be NT, so don't wish to be what you don't know,'' because that is quite untrue. A lot of people are NT, and I have a large family and all of them are NT, NT, NT, and all through school life everybody was NT, NT, NT, and often I look at people and think, ''you are so bloody lucky that you go through life blocking out unwanted noise whe you want, and not being afraid of crowded supermarkets (unless you have Agoraphobia), and not clinging to job-seekers benifits because of the fear of starting a new job where your routine's going to be changed......'' I see people not being affected by a loud noise in the street. I see people not minding the crowds in Tesco. I see people happily eating in restaurants when there's a screaming toddler right near them. Awww, it's not fair!! !! !! !! !! !! !!

Joe90 - "And it's ruined my life because nothing in the world is going to stop my nerves from being oversensitive. Nothing, except wearing earplugs (but people in the street look and laugh, as usual), and I'm not going around with my fingers in my ears."

- Does it mean you have like a bionic ear, able to hear like the Bionic Woman or the Superman! Just kidding. Anyway, how I wish I have ears like yours. A lot of times if anyone tells me something, I have to ask them to repeat it because I can't hear properly!

I don't remember if I've commented on this thread. It's a very interesting topic so I might have but there's a gabillion pages so I'm not going to search for my comment that might not exist.

I say that even if I was born NT, I wouldn't necessarily be normal.

I have a plaque hanging by the front door of my home that says:
Remember
As far as the rest of the world knows
We're normal.

I consider my little family a bizarre crew of silly creatures and I wouldn't have it any other way; but, when we're in public, it's a different story. I giggle to myself whenever a stranger compliments me on how well mannered my children are (one lady went as far as to bad-mouth her own grandkids in comparison).

There are a million reasons why I hate being on the spectrum, but they are too complex to explain on here. Psychology can be a complicated thing. It ain't just like, ''I hate being on the spectrum 'cos I don't like having sensory issues.'' There are just so many different minor reasons all linked to each anxiety, and even if I went to a psychologist expert, it will take months or even years to get to the bottom of the cause of my anxieties. My social worker says it's from too many unwanted thoughts circling round and round in my head, and it's not just a case of saying, ''I can stop thinking too much starting tomorrow,'' and that'd be it. No - it doesn't work like that, not with me. If it was just that simple, then I wouldn't be in such an anxious state. Having major anxieties about everything is just like anorexia or alcoholism - there's more help required than just stopping abruptly, especially if it's really got a hold of you and you've got no will power to stop it.

GoodDad –
Conventional schooling is extremely hard for us, I used to work out maths in my head, then was told I was cheating because I didn't show how I did it on paper.

- Maths – I was also very good in maths, even though I was in the ‘D-class’, yet at one time, I got better marks than the ‘A-class’. It looked so simple, really. But other subjects, I was not able to get through well, except English.

Fear of snakes, look at snake, mind has image of snake striking though it hasn't. NLP shows how to replace the image of striking fear and replacing it with a friendly snake that wouldn't hurt a fly. Lot's of TV shows show the phobia person then 30 mins later they have snakes or spiders and have no fear because the imagined fear is not real and is replaced with a comfortable and safe one. I could keep going...lol

- Even some people’s fear of mice, cockroach, spider, etc I believe can be overcome.
But my problem is People, which is most common among all aspies and autistics – maybe it’s not really fear but sub-conscious thoughts of rejection. Everyone I tried talking to or making friends, they make me feel rejected, or wasting their time, or not able to talk like how everyone talk to each other. Do you think NLP can really help in this? I’d really like to know what is the possibility. Can you please find out for me?


Funnily enough, do you know the 'signals' when a girl likes you

- I got myself a girl when I was at her home when there was a product sales on. I remember it was by my caring, helping with some demonstration arrangements, cleaning up, that attracted her. There were many other girls I knew through friendship club, which were a disaster because we just chit chat for a while and they could see I was very quiet and not interesting! Then another girlfriend was introduced by my mother, and similarly to the first girlfriend, I believe it was by my caring, that we got married later. Actually my mum did warn her I’m a very quiet person but she don’t mind.

GoodDad
Just my thought, I think fear of snakes, mice, etc. are totally different from fear of people. Animals need no communication whereas people do. What I mean is, I can easily attract a small kid to like looking at me - just by acting a funny face or something, but I don't know how I can do anything to attract an adult! How did the NLP help you, can you let us know? I'm sure a lot of aspies/auties likes hearing from you too.

Dear Friends,
EricS, I couldn't agree with you more. I was in the idiots math class eventually because it wasn't an interest, in later years funnily enough Numerology became an obsession so did the idea of time travel...I guess to get out of this uncomfortable world. More on that later as there are some funny and amazing areas there.
I know the rejection of people on a continual basis eventually makes us not bother after a while, I mean who wants to be rejected more and more when it does hurt so much?
I have no friends whatsoever. Those that do, count your blessings. I am not able to communicate or is it nobody is on my wavelength?
After 37 years of other peoples behavior towards me, I truly thought I was such a bad person... Until my son was diagnosed and then the Doc semi diagnosed me based on my ex partners observations. Wow
I take 400mg sertlaline daily for major depression of which I can only plead with you all to consider some form of antidepressants as anxiety and depression are the two most common effects of AS. Or the other way round. Constant rejection will send you into any form of depression sadly. Some cope with devoting 100 percent on their special interest.

As for people, I try to smile, not knowing if my face is doing the same thing. Yesterday I went into the busy Melbourne CBD and frankly crowds don't bother me as I trained myself to see them as obstacles or moving furniture or walking trees...lol

I found the reference in the Tony Attwood book mentioning girls with AS and how they seem to cope better and as I'm moving out my ex's stuff today, will make it a priority tonight.

Have so much more to tell you all,

Your Friend,
Joall

Will post the NLP stuff too

GoodDad, keeping my fingers crossed to more hear from you about the NLP and the maths.

DearFriends,
I'll start first with a lengthy quote from Tony Attwood aka Uncle Tony about girls with aspergers
"THE DIAGNOSTIC ASSESSMENT OF GIRLS

The majority of children referred for a diagnostic assessment for Asperger's syndrome are boys. Since 1992, I have conducted a regular diagnostic assessment clinic for children and adults with Asperger's syndrome in Brisbane, Australia. A recent analysis of over 1000 diagnostic assessments over 12 years established a ratio of males to females of four to one. From my clinical experience, I have noted that girls with Asperger's syndrome may be more difficult to recognize and diagnose due to coping and camou-flaging mechanisms, which can also be used by some boys. One of the coping mecha-nisms is to learn how to act in a social setting, as described by Liane Holliday Willey in her autobiography, Pretending to be Normal (Willey 1999). The clinician perceives someone who appears able to develop a reciprocal conversation and use appropriate affect and gestures during the interaction. However, further investigation and observa-tion at school may determine that the child adopts a social role and script, basing her persona on the characteristics of someone who would be reasonably socially skilled in the situation, and using intellectual abilities rather than intuition to determine what to say or do. An example of a camouflaging strategy is to conceal confusion when playing with peers by politely declining invitations to join in until sure of what to do, so as not to make a conspicuous social error. The strategy is to wait, observe carefully, and only par-ticipate when sure what to do by imitating what the children have done previously. If the rules or nature of the game suddenly change, the child is lost. Girls with Asperger's syndrome can develop the ability to ‘disappear' in a large group, being on the periphery of social interaction. One woman with Asperger's syndrome said, when recalling her childhood, that she felt as though she was ‘on the

46 / THE COMPLETE GUIDE TO ASPERGER'S SYNDROME"

"The_Complete_Guide_to_Asperger_s_Syndrome.pd

"outside looking in'. There can be other strategies to avoid active participation in class proceedings, such as being well behaved and polite, thus being left alone by teachers and peers; or tactics to passively avoid cooperation and social inclusion at school and at home, as described in a condition known as Pathological Demand Avoidance (Newsom 1983). A girl with Asperger's syndrome is less likely to be ‘fickle' or ‘bitchy' in friendships in comparison to other girls, and is more likely than boys to develop a close friendship with someone who demonstrates a maternal attachment to this socially naïve but ‘safe' girl. These characteristics reduce the likelihood of being identified as having one of the main diagnostic criteria for Asperger's syndrome, namely a failure to develop peer rela-tionships. With girls, it is not a failure but a qualitative difference in this ability. The girl's problems with social understanding may only become conspicuous when her friend and mentor moves to another school. The language and cognitive profile of girls with Asperger's syndrome may be the same as those of boys, but the special interests may not be as idiosyncratic or eccentric as can occur with some boys. Adults may consider there is nothing unusual about a girl who has an interest in horses, but the problem may be the intensity and dominance of the interest in her daily life: the young girl may have moved her mattress into the stable so that she can sleep next to the horse. If her interest is dolls, she may have over 50 Barbie dolls arranged in alphabetical order, but she would rarely include other girls in her doll play. While in conversation with a boy with Asperger's syndrome, the listener is likely to consider the child a ‘little professor' who uses an advanced vocabulary for a child of that age, and is able to provide many interesting (or boring) facts. Girls with Asperger's syndrome can sound like ‘little philosophers', with an ability to think deeply about social situations. From an early age, girls with Asperger's syndrome have applied their cognitive skills to analyse social interactions and are more likely than boys with Asperger's syndrome to discuss the inconsistencies in social conventions and their thoughts on social events. The motor coordination problems of girls may not be so conspicuous in the play-ground, and they are less likely to have developed the conduct problems that can prompt a referral for a diagnostic assessment for a boy. Thus, where a girl has developed the ability to conceal her signs of Asperger's syndrome in the playground and classroom, and even in the diagnostic assessment, then parents, teachers and clinicians may fail to see any conspicuous characteristics of Asperger's syndrome."
Will post more Nlp and math as today I'm rained in.
I have literally around 100 plus books all on various aspects and avenues of AS, as I do with NLP
I collect these books as part of my AS, my reasoning is if the apocalypse comes, mi Ipad will hold as much information to rebuild what we know when the physical books are gone ...lol. Quite funny really.
All my books are in PDF format and the like, and I still have to rename them to the proper names, from 243765.PDF to proper name.
Not sure what posting guidelines are here and will not do anything illegal on forum, so will read guidelines and see what happens as all of us should have every scrap of info to help ourselves.
Your Friend,
Joall

I've got that book out of the library at the moment. I was quite happy when I read that part about the differences between males and females with AS. It has reaffirmed my self-diagnosis, which I was beginning to doubt (although I do still intend to get professionally diagnosed at some point).

Some things I related to: Growing up, I tended to have one close friend most of the time (this person changed a few times as we moved around a lot). I relied on them to be my mentor, viewing them almost as a mother figure. (I am also extremely close to my actual mother.) I always felt like an outsider and that there was something different about me. I was definitely more of a "little philosopher" than a "little professor", although I did have particular interests (maps, history, travel, etc). I was well-behaved and polite, and tried to stand out as little as possible.

I wish so much that I'd been diagnosed as a child. I probably wouldn't be any different now, but it might've saved some of the heartache that came from feeling so alone.

I wish all the time that I was NT. I think I could have put my intelligence to better use, been less frustrated, and had better social success. I feel there's so much I don't understand and that I miss. But, this is the way I am so I try to accept.

~Kate

If "normal" means neurotypical, then of course i wish a was born "normal".

I think me not liking AS is a matter of principle, more than anything else. I just think, why me? Why do I have it and nobody else in my family? Why do I have to suffer with all this extra anxiety with noise, change, snow, toddlers, ect? Why have I always been the one who still layed on the ground in public at 10 years old? Why have I always drawn attention to myself in public? Why just me? I am the only one in my family who is trapped in this body, looking through these eyes, and yet I've got AS to contend with. Why doesn’t anybody else have this problem? Why has the faulty gene gone into me, and nobody else? What panics me is, I might have began as NT, then something might have happened to my stupid brain somewhere in babyhood, which has turned it into a stupid AS brain. My mum always says I had a massive accident when I was 14 months old, where I banged my head so hard I had to be rushed to hospital. Perhaps it was from then. The brain probably said, ''I know what - let's piss everybody off by turning myself into an AS brain.''

The main problem I have is stupidity. Don't start saying, ''oh you've offended me!'' because I am not talking about anyone else. I am not very clever for an Aspie, and I keep doing such daft things. Last summer I rode my bike to the sports centre. I brought a bike lock with me, and locked my bike up against one of the bike stands outside the sports centre bit, and I made sure it was securely locked, which it was. And I went into the sports centre. But after I come out, I realised I had done something what only an idiot would do: left my keys and mobile phone in the little pouch fastened on the back of the bike. Luckily somebody hadn't come along and opened it and stole the phone and the keys.

If that ain't stupid, then what is? This is why I'm scared to live. I'm always doing really stupid things. I don't seem to have any sense of caution of anything. It's a wonder I haven't left the keys in the front door yet......