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Nicola2206
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11 Sep 2015, 8:34 pm

ReticentJaeger wrote:
I've noticed that a lot of NTs do things that I'm surprised aren't considered rude. Or maybe they are, but no one's said anything.

Interrupting a conversation to say 'hi'. This happens a lot at my church. Whether it's me talking to friends, my parents talking to me, or my parents talking to friends, people are always interrupting to say hi. This alone might not be considered rude (though it does annoy me to no end), but sometimes the newcomer will start asking a bunch of other questions and start their own conversation with the person. Sometimes I'm interrupted mid-sentence. I just don't understand how this is socially acceptable.

Talking to someone who's reading a book. "What are you reading?" "Do you like it?" "What's it about?" "Are you seeing the movie?" "My daughter's read that!" It's probably not just NTs who do this, but enough people do so it seems to be normal behavior.

Has anyone else noticed something that NTs—or just people in general—do that appears rude to you?


Yeah I agree but there are many other things I'd like to add, such as:

Expecting someone to talk or engage in a conversation
Expecting someone to accept their invitations to social events and getting mad if they don't
Talking loudly and just being loud

I don't know, just most of their expectations are rude


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Rockymtnchris
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11 Sep 2015, 9:49 pm

My top five list...

1. Whistling! NT's that really believe they have some sort of musical tallent should take up a real instrument.
2. Asking B.S. questions like, "are you working hard or hardly working".
3. Belittling persons like myself who cannot eat certain foods like vegetables with crap like,"oh, you're on borrowed time".
4. Suggesting I can't be a man because I'm scared of things like operating power tools or driving a manual car with a clutch, et cetera.
5. Thinking they're "born salespersons", meaning they can get anyone to buy anything if they stay persistant.


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nurseangela
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11 Sep 2015, 9:57 pm

Rockymtnchris wrote:
My top five list...

1. Whistling! NT's that really believe they have some sort of musical tallent should take up a real instrument.
2. Asking B.S. questions like, "are you working hard or hardly working".
3. Belittling persons like myself who cannot eat certain foods like vegetables with crap like,"oh, you're on borrowed time".
4. Suggesting I can't be a man because I'm scared of things like operating power tools or driving a manual car with a clutch, et cetera.
5. Thinking they're "born salespersons", meaning they can get anyone to buy anything if they stay persistant.


Actually what I say to #2 is "I'm not doing what you're doing which is working hard at hardly working." Then I turn around and ignore them. :roll:


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Rockymtnchris
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11 Sep 2015, 10:38 pm

nurseangela wrote:
Rockymtnchris wrote:
My top five list...

1. Whistling! NT's that really believe they have some sort of musical tallent should take up a real instrument.
2. Asking B.S. questions like, "are you working hard or hardly working?".
3. Belittling persons like myself who cannot eat certain foods like vegetables with crap like,"oh, you're on borrowed time".
4. Suggesting I can't be a man because I'm scared of things like operating power tools or driving a manual car with a clutch, et cetera.
5. Thinking they're "born salespersons", meaning they can get anyone to buy anything if they stay persistant.


Actually what I say to #2 is "I'm not doing what you're doing which is working hard at hardly working." Then I turn around and ignore them. :roll:

Nice comeback. I'll start rehearsing it. I had thought about trying, "are you at peace at work or just a piece of work?"
FWIW, I once countered #4 with, "a real man understands and accepts his own limitations and cares about the safety of himself and others", after which I was told I'm never happy unless I'm "raining on someone's parade".


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Neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 125 of 200
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ReticentJaeger
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12 Sep 2015, 8:24 am

Somethingsomething wrote:
ReticentJaeger wrote:
Earlier, I think someone mentioned double standards. It angers me that while it's not socially acceptable to comment on an overweight person's body, it's somehow still okay to say rude things to people who are more petite.

I've been told—twice, I believe—that 'a small wind would blow me away'.

I don't appreciate comments like 'you're so pale!' or philosophical questions such as 'why are you so short?', either.


Yeah, this might be moving a bit off topic but second to this comment- when I was out shopping for a new jacket a sales assistant exclaimed "Goodness me, you're so scrawny! You need to eat something!" and I smiled and laughed and said "oh well, I'll try!" because, of course. Friendly and happy is my default character when I don't know how to respond.

I walked away thinking, would they say "Goodness me, you're so big! You need to stop eating!" if they thought I was fat? Doubtful. Clear double standards. Just like that bass song by Natalie Trainor- not nice.

I hate when NT's have "in" jokes that involve gestures and slang/made up words, then when you ask what they mean they say "nothing nevermind" or they explain it but still don't tell you/spell out what the funny part is, while other NT person next to you "gets it" straight away.


Being seventeen, 4'11", and 85 pounds, I've had more than a fair share of unsolicited comments. Twice I've been told that 'a small gust of wind would blow me away'. The second person to say it was a nurse who had just gotten done weighing me. My brother's also gotten some idiotic comments such as, "Do you drive, like, a little clown car?" I think he tolerates it better than I do.



Nicola2206
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12 Sep 2015, 9:17 am

Commenting about someone's looks.
It is rude.
The other day a bartender asked my dad if he made me cut my hair.
What does that even mean?? And how can you ask a stranger something like that about his child? Or me, if I was talking to him. Why do strangers make random personal questions??

I don't get it. It makes me cringe. :?


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Nicola2206
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12 Sep 2015, 9:21 am

ReticentJaeger wrote:
Somethingsomething wrote:
ReticentJaeger wrote:
Earlier, I think someone mentioned double standards. It angers me that while it's not socially acceptable to comment on an overweight person's body, it's somehow still okay to say rude things to people who are more petite.

I've been told—twice, I believe—that 'a small wind would blow me away'.

I don't appreciate comments like 'you're so pale!' or philosophical questions such as 'why are you so short?', either.


Yeah, this might be moving a bit off topic but second to this comment- when I was out shopping for a new jacket a sales assistant exclaimed "Goodness me, you're so scrawny! You need to eat something!" and I smiled and laughed and said "oh well, I'll try!" because, of course. Friendly and happy is my default character when I don't know how to respond.

I walked away thinking, would they say "Goodness me, you're so big! You need to stop eating!" if they thought I was fat? Doubtful. Clear double standards. Just like that bass song by Natalie Trainor- not nice.

I hate when NT's have "in" jokes that involve gestures and slang/made up words, then when you ask what they mean they say "nothing nevermind" or they explain it but still don't tell you/spell out what the funny part is, while other NT person next to you "gets it" straight away.


Being seventeen, 4'11", and 85 pounds, I've had more than a fair share of unsolicited comments. Twice I've been told that 'a small gust of wind would blow me away'. The second person to say it was a nurse who had just gotten done weighing me. My brother's also gotten some idiotic comments such as, "Do you drive, like, a little clown car?" I think he tolerates it better than I do.


I'm thin and people say that to me. It makes me wanna scream. I don't get it. I don't understand people who make jokes/comments about a stranger's physical appearance or behavior. I find it intrusive, disrespectful, rude and embarrassing. I never know how to respond to that. I wish I could tell them to mind their own business, but I just can't get myself to do it :|


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BeaArthur
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12 Sep 2015, 10:32 am

not responding to a phone, text, or email message.


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EmeraldGreen
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12 Sep 2015, 10:36 am

Everyone is guilty of that, and many of the offenses cited so far.


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Aspie202
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12 Sep 2015, 10:43 am

ReticentJaeger wrote:
Somethingsomething wrote:
ReticentJaeger wrote:
Earlier, I think someone mentioned double standards. It angers me that while it's not socially acceptable to comment on an overweight person's body, it's somehow still okay to say rude things to people who are more petite.

I've been told—twice, I believe—that 'a small wind would blow me away'.

I don't appreciate comments like 'you're so pale!' or philosophical questions such as 'why are you so short?', either.


Yeah, this might be moving a bit off topic but second to this comment- when I was out shopping for a new jacket a sales assistant exclaimed "Goodness me, you're so scrawny! You need to eat something!" and I smiled and laughed and said "oh well, I'll try!" because, of course. Friendly and happy is my default character when I don't know how to respond.

I walked away thinking, would they say "Goodness me, you're so big! You need to stop eating!" if they thought I was fat? Doubtful. Clear double standards. Just like that bass song by Natalie Trainor- not nice.

I hate when NT's have "in" jokes that involve gestures and slang/made up words, then when you ask what they mean they say "nothing nevermind" or they explain it but still don't tell you/spell out what the funny part is, while other NT person next to you "gets it" straight away.


Being seventeen, 4'11", and 85 pounds, I've had more than a fair share of unsolicited comments. Twice I've been told that 'a small gust of wind would blow me away'. The second person to say it was a nurse who had just gotten done weighing me. My brother's also gotten some idiotic comments such as, "Do you drive, like, a little clown car?" I think he tolerates it better than I do.


I know that feel. I'm a teenager and I'm barely even 5 feet and I weigh 67 pounds. My sister teases me for being less muscular that's her, even though it's fat on her, not muscle.


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Spiderpig
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12 Sep 2015, 1:44 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Then one day I decided to give them a taste of their own medicine.


I've never seen that work. Just because they've been unkind or hurtful to you doesn't mean they'll tolerate the same from you by any means; on the contrary, they've been asserting your status lower than theirs, so you're expected to continue to be the one taking all the crap without complaining. Even explicitly telling them you're giving them a taste of their own medicine is no good---they'll refuse to process it unless they find a way to use it against you. You'll still be the one in the wrong. People simply don't waste brain cycles thinking logically when it doesn't lead them to the conclusion they want.

Joe90 wrote:
I suppose none of them actually realised that was how they've been making me feel all these years of High School. Then when I decide to say something unpleasant what I imagined they would say to me, I just got hated even more.


I'd guess they couldn't care less how you felt. They probably weren't afraid of you, and they'd already secured for themselves a status higher than yours, so there was no reason for them to care about your feelings. It's the inferior who needs to keep the superior happy, so they won't decide to take some solace in making their life hell, not the other way round. Caring about your feelings would only encourage you to believe you were their equal and start expecting respect from them.


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Nuthatchnut
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12 Sep 2015, 2:14 pm

Touching
I guess it is meant to convey sympathy, engagement or whatever, but I'd rather not be touched casually. Really, just don't.

Forcing conversation
Why do people interrupt when I am reading a book, looking for something or otherwise ostentatiously avoiding contact?

Assuming malice
Yes, I know I seem weird or impolite sometimes. But really I am doing the best I can. Can we just assume my intentions are good until proven otherwise?

Disturbing nature
I so hate it when I am carefully observing wildlife and people will walk by so carelessly and loud that any bird or animal within earshot flees instantly.

And last but not least:
Telling me to "smile!"
When I am not smiling I obviously had something more important to do than remembering to stretch my lips across my face.


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Feyokien
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12 Sep 2015, 2:22 pm

Insinuating that I hate someone just because I'm not being particularly social. I had two girls in a group project my freshman year in a Geology class who always said this to my face "you probably hate us". It made me want to hate them. Some neurotypicals have a very us and them mentality, you're either with them or against them, there is no neutral zone and it has to be an instantaneous judgement. Over the course of the semester working on the project they eventually discovered that I didn't hate them and was just a generally quiet individual.



Greenhat
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12 Sep 2015, 2:55 pm

Making themselves the victim when they're the bullies.
Someone shoved me down a flight of stairs for not moving fast enough in deadlock, then whined in her statement to Guidance about how awful I was and how she "just wanted me out of her life."
One boy shouted death threats, insults, and ordinary threats at me for sneezing, then went to the oblivious teachers and asked for a pass to Guidance because of his deep emotional harm from the experience. (He went on to "warn" every kid in the class and every substitute teacher we had for the rest of the year about my evil.)
Two tried to steal my backpack and then made noises about going to Guidance because of how much my "rudeness" (not letting two strangers take my backpack and contradicting them when they declared themselves my best friends) had "hurt" them.
I'm still not sure if they believed themselves out of a twisted sense of etiquette and ethics, if they believed themselves because they'd rewritten reality so they could be the victims, or if they knew the bull they were spouting.



dianthus
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12 Sep 2015, 6:12 pm

When people stop in the middle of a crowded place to have a (probably loud) conversation, and they become totally oblivious to other people around them.



winston112
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12 Sep 2015, 6:16 pm

If you're in a small group of people and decide to tell a story, perhaps one that you think the rest of the group will find a bit entertaining, and no one responds. No laughter, no comment, nothing. That happens to me sometimes and it always makes me upset. I'm often nervous about speaking when I'm around several people so if no one answers me but instead basically pretend they didn't hear me once I've gathered up the courage to open my mouth, it hurts.

Also, when people force others to hug them. It happened to me just last week, I joined a group of people who play games every week and I only knew a couple of the other guys. When we were leaving one of the guys I had never met before said he was going to hug everyone good buy and made a joke about how we simply have to accept that. Then he hugged me. Everyone thinks he is really friendly and I'm sure he thinks that too, that is what I can't wrap my head around. How can it be considered nice to force someone to hug you? I hate hugs.